Number Teeeeeewwww

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(I am a customer who overhears this exchange. A customer rattles the door of the restroom, which is locked. She calls out to an employee.)

Customer: “The bathroom is locked! I need you to unlock it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. It’s not a public restroom.”

Customer: “But someone opened it for me before! You need to open this for me. I need to use the bathroom! Can’t you make an exception?”

Employee: “You can go next door to the grocery store. They have a public restroom in the front.” 

Customer: “But I can’t make it there! If I could make it there, I wouldn’t have asked you! Now I’m going to s*** in my pants!”

(I have moved several rows over from this discussion as the customer gets increasingly agitated.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, I can’t open the door.” *goes back to work*

Customer: *stomps off with her cart, shouting* “I just s*** my pants! I HOPE YOU CAN SMELL IT!”

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The Male Period, Where He Discharges Whines All Month

, , , , , , | Working | November 11, 2019

My friend and I popped by a well-known drug store so I could pick up some medicine for my cold. She noticed that tampons were on sale and grabbed a box, along with some chapstick. We got up to the register, I paid for my medicine, and she put the tampons and chapstick on the counter.

The guy at the register visibly paled upon seeing the box and used the chapstick to push the box onto the scanner and then into a bag so that he wouldn’t have to touch an unopened box of tampons. I know periods are bad, but you do realize you don’t magically get them if you touch a box of tampons, right?

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Unfiltered Story #177107

, | Unfiltered | November 9, 2019

One day I was working peacefully and a customer walks in, adorned with a walrus suit. I cannot see his face, so I keep an eye on him to make sure it isn’t a robbery. two minutes later, another person comes in, this time dressed as a hyena. I find the walrus in the drink aisle and the hyena wandering.
Me: *To walrus* Excuse me, but may I help you?
Walrus: *I assume walrus noises*
Me: Excuse me?
Walrus: *Points to some water*
Me: …
Walrus: *Points to freezer*
Me: You want ice?
Walrus: Nods
At this moment, I hear barking, supposedly from the Hyena.
Me: Running to the Hyena*
Me: How may I help you, sir?
Hyena: *Laughs and points to the dog food.*
I pick up the dog food and carry it to the counter, making sure to grab water and ice cube trays on the way. I checked out the Hyena and Walrus. They both pay.
Me: Come again soon!
The Walrus tripped and I didn’t get enough time to help him up, he and the Hyena ran away. This really made my day.

Grandma Won’t Let The Lube Slide

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2019

(I’m working the register at a drug store that’s part of a national chain. Our store is pretty well known for printing receipts that are as long as your arm, with coupons relating to many prior purchases, for our members. I’m checking out a young woman. She enters her phone number for the membership, then freezes.)

Customer: “Actually… could you take that off?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I haven’t started scanning yet. Which item do you want me to take off?”

Customer: “I can’t use that membership.”

Me: “Ma’am, it was a valid membership. You’re fine to use it.”

Customer: “No… No, please just take the membership off.”

Me: “Are you trying to cancel your membership? It doesn’t automatically renew, so if you’re not interested in continuing, you just need to wait until it expires on its own–“

Customer: *very red-faced* “This is a family account, okay? My grandmother’s on it. I can’t apply the membership.”

(I follow her gaze down to see that, among her items, she’s got several packs of condoms and a bottle of lubricant. The penny drops. Our algorithm being what it is, whoever comes in and uses her membership number will start getting coupons for those about a month later.)

Me: “I’ll just cancel the sale and we can start over, all right?”

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Your Number Two Is Not Our Number One Priority

, , , | Right | September 11, 2019

(I am in a local chain drug store. This store has no public bathroom, something I am very aware of since I have a small child. More than once we have had to go to the grocery store on the other end of this small strip mall for a potty break. As I am shopping, I become aware of a woman talking to the store employees. This conversation happens over several minutes as she follows employees who are stocking shelves.)

Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

Employee: “We do not have a public bathroom, sorry.”

Customer: “But you must have a restroom you use. Where is it? I need it.”

Employee: “It’s not for customer use. I’m sorry.”

(After about the third employee tells her the same thing, the customer suddenly becomes irate and screams:)

Customer: “You need to let me use your bathroom!”

(I go to the pharmacy line and think she is gone. Then I hear:)


(She storms out down the aisle where people are waiting for the pharmacy. She seems to be walking just fine, but I am really hoping that she was lying and I get out of the store before anything further is “revealed.” I turn to an employee I like and say:)

Me: “You know, if she’d left right away, she’d have had plenty of time to get to the grocery store.”

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