Top Secret, Bottom Service

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Working | December 10, 2013

(I’m a limousine driver. I pick up an assignment, who turns out to be the CEO of a major fast food chain. His destination is the airport, but he requests to stop at a couple local stores to do some secret shopping on the way out.)

Passenger: “Do you know where the nearest [Store Name] is?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to take you there?”

Passenger: “Yes, please.”

(I take him to the store, which has a reputation of extremely poor service. He gets out of the car and I wait. Ten minutes later, I know what’s up. Fifteen minutes later, he comes out with his order and gets back in the car.)

Passenger: “That had to be the worst service I have gotten from any of the restaurants I’ve been in.”

(I keep my schadenfreude in check; the head honcho got the same lousy service that the locals have been getting for years. As we depart for the airport, he proceeds to open his bag.)

Passenger: “They forgot my chips!”

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She’s Just Dialing It In

| Chandler, AZ, USA | Romantic | June 29, 2013

(‘Payphone’ by ‘Maroon 5’ has just recently come out on the radio. I decide to be cute, and text my boyfriend some lyrics.)

Me: “I’m at a payphone, trying to phone home. All of my change, I spent on you!”

Boyfriend: “Why are you at a payphone? You just texted me on your cell phone.”

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