A Mean Exchange

| Gold Coast, QLD, Australia | Related | September 23, 2015

(Mum and I are driving around town. Mum knows I’m a smart-alec but she takes a lot of what I say as truth. We pass a currency exchange that has the sign “Holiday Exchange” on it.)

Mum: “What’s a Holiday Exchange?”

Me: “Oh, if you win a holiday on a game show and you don’t like the destination you come here and they exchange it for a holiday you do want.”

Mum: “Oh really?”

Me: *laughing* “No, Mum!”

(She punched me in the arm for that.)

What She Drank

| CA, USA | Friendly | July 28, 2015

(We’re in high school and new drivers, so just being in a car together aimlessly driving is still fun. The friend driving isn’t the most experienced, so he brakes pretty hard most of the time. The friend in the passenger seat is drinking a soft drink that has a very large mouth, which can be dangerous with the driver’s erratic driving.)

Driver: *brakes hard* “WHOAH, sorry guys!”

Passenger: “Dude, you’re gonna make me spill my drink!”

Driver: “Well, quick, take a drink while we’re stopped then!”

Passenger: *starts to gulp his drink*

Driver: *punches on the gas, causing all of us to lurch backward in our seats and the passenger’s drink to slosh*

Passenger: “What the h***, man! You’re so lucky I had my lips wrapped all the way around that thing! It could have been real messy!”

Everyone: *simultaneously* “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

Lost Their Pole Positions

| Wales, UK | Related | February 12, 2014

(I am learning to drive and practicing with my father. He gives directions and I follow them. He’s decided to take us away from our conventional route. We live in South Wales.)

Me: “Are you sure you know where we are?”

Dad: “Yes, definitely.”

Me: “Okay. As long as you know.”

(We drive along for a bit. We pass a sign.)

Me: “Welcome to Ruthin. Oooh, Ruthin!”

Dad: “Wait. What?”

Me: “We’ve just entered Ruthin apparently.”

Dad: “But that’s in North Wales!”

Me: “… Are you sure you know where we are?”

Dad: “Maybe not…”

Putting Some Peppy In His Step

| MT, USA | Romantic | January 8, 2014

(We live in a rural town and are making the hour drive to the city for some errands. My husband has trouble staying awake in the car and is dozing. I get stuck behind another driver that is fluctuating between going five to fifteen miles per hour BELOW the speed limit. We enter a portion of the highway that has a passing lane, and I speed up to get by the other driver. They also speed up to keep me from passing them, and they are finally going 5 over the speed limit.)

Me: *under my breath* “Oh, f*** this. I’m not getting stuck behind this guy any longer!”

(I speed up, ultimately going 20 over the speed limit, and manage to pass the other driver with just enough time to merge.)

Husband: *looking bleary-eyed and a bit awe-struck* “You used boost to get through!” *falls asleep again*

Top Secret, Bottom Service

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Working | December 10, 2013

(I’m a limousine driver. I pick up an assignment, who turns out to be the CEO of a major fast food chain. His destination is the airport, but he requests to stop at a couple local stores to do some secret shopping on the way out.)

Passenger: “Do you know where the nearest [Store Name] is?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to take you there?”

Passenger: “Yes, please.”

(I take him to the store, which has a reputation of extremely poor service. He gets out of the car and I wait. Ten minutes later, I know what’s up. Fifteen minutes later, he comes out with his order and gets back in the car.)

Passenger: “That had to be the worst service I have gotten from any of the restaurants I’ve been in.”

(I keep my schadenfreude in check; the head honcho got the same lousy service that the locals have been getting for years. As we depart for the airport, he proceeds to open his bag.)

Passenger: “They forgot my chips!”

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