A Valid Argument In Detroit

, , , , | Related | September 15, 2017

(I am the moron in this story. My brother is getting married. His wife’s sister and myself are both under 21, so the bride decides we should all go to Montreal for the weekend for her bachelorette party so we can drink. Since I have the biggest car, I drive on the way up there while my sister-in-law-to-be gives directions.)

Sister-In-Law: “It says take I-87 pretty much to the border.”

Me: “Which way?”

Sister-In-Law: “I-87; there is an entrance down by Broadway.”

Me: “Yeah, I know, but am I going north or south?”

Sister-In-Law: *stares at me in disbelief*

Me: “The entrance is coming up soon; I need to know, north or south?”

Sister-In-Law: “Uh, we are going to Canada…”

Me: “Yes, but north or south?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, we aren’t going to Mexico. Which way is Canada?”

Me: *realizing just how dumb my question was* “Oh, duh!” *we all start laughing hysterically* “How much to never tell my brother—” *who teaches history and geography* “—that this conversation happened?”
Sister-In-Law: “Too late, already texted him.”

Let Me Get This Straight…

, , , , | Friendly | September 13, 2017

(My mother is driving us to pick up my grandmother from a doctor’s appointment, then we we’re all going out for the afternoon. There’s a four-way stop just before the parking lot. We’re stopped and going straight, and the guy across from us is turning left. We start to go forward, and so does he. Despite being lead-footed, he hits the brakes, and so does Mom, and the bumpers don’t-quite-bang into each other. She hasn’t even gotten the car in park yet when the other driver is out of his car, around the back, and up to her window.)

Male Driver: “YOU DIDN’T SIGNAL THAT YOU WERE GOING STRAIGHT!”

Mom: “…I’m sorry, what?”

Male Driver: “YOU DIDN’T SIGNAL, THAT YOU, WERE GOING, STRAIGHT!”

Me: *speechless and staring at him like a second head just sprang out*

Mom: “Please show me which way I’m supposed to flick the lever to make THAT happen!”

(By this point, the woman who was behind us is now up to the window as well.)

Female Driver: “DON’T YOU DARE LET HIM TELL YOU THAT WAS YOUR FAULT; I SAW IT ALL!”

(The now three-way argument goes back and forth for about five minutes, all while Grandma is standing outside the doctor’s office, watching from a distance because she can’t walk very well. Finally, because there is no visible damage, the other guy “lets us go” and takes off, and we finally pull into the parking lot.)

Grandma: “What the f*** was all that about!?”

(And that’s where I learned where my mother got her colorful vocabulary. Twenty years later, I still haven’t figured out how to signal that I am going straight, either…)

Fast To Comeback

, , , , , | Friendly | September 9, 2017

(My dad is going across the parking lot at a store when a lady comes barreling into the lot like she’s in the Indy 500. My dad waves for her to slow down, as he’s worried she’ll hit somebody. She stops her car near him and asks what’s wrong. My dad, who hadn’t expected her to stop, tells her she’s going dangerously fast and could hit somebody.)

Driver: “I didn’t hit you, did I?”

(Some people…)

That’s His Story And He’s Stick-ing To It

, , , , , | Working | September 5, 2017

I drive a manual (stick-shift) car. While driving it once, a small pebble struck my window and cracked it. Fortunately, it was just the tiny window between the passenger’s window and the windshield, but I went to have it replaced anyway.

I walked inside, got all the paperwork done, handed over the keys, and sat in the waiting room. An employee took the key, walked outside, and then walked right back in just a moment later. He approached me and said, “It’s company policy for customers to drive their own car into the garage.”

I didn’t say anything, just drove the car like he’d asked, but I was thinking, “Then why did you walk outside with my key in the first place?” Answer: he clearly couldn’t drive stick and was too embarrassed to admit it.

Four-Way Stop And Think About What You Just Said

, , , , | Friendly | August 23, 2017

(My dad and I are driving home and come to a four-way stop sign. Anyone who has been on the road before should understand this is a great place to find these kinds of stories. Two people pull up just before we do. We wait our turn and everyone seems to understand how this works… until just as our turn comes, when a woman comes barreling down, rocketing through the stop sign without even slowing down. As she passes us, she sticks her head out of the window and screams:)

Woman: “BACK THE F*** UP! THERE’S A LINE!”

(My dad barely had his front tires over the line. This woman ran a stop sign. Clearly, my dad’s crime was much worse.)

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