Should Have Waved A Warning Flag

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(I am in law enforcement and my coworkers and I, all in uniform, stop by the convenience store before heading to our location for the day. I am driving the van and am waiting to make a left turn into the parking lot from the street. A pickup truck backs up a little bit, making room for me to enter the lot. Both my coworker and I wave in gratitude towards the driver. We park and enter the store. Two minutes later, a man enters the store.)

Man: “Excuse me, are you driving the white van out there?”

Me: *concerned someone had hit it or was breaking in* “Yes, sir, is something wrong?”

Man: “I let you pull in and you didn’t even acknowledge me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I did wave to—”

Man: “I am a veteran, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Sir, I did wave thank—”

Man: “I don’t care if you’re with [Agency]! You are not above the law!! You are not above the law!”

(He then stormed out. My only guess is that he was looking in his rear-view mirror when my coworker and I waved thanks. Even if I hadn’t waved, not acknowledging someone for doing something polite is not illegal.)

Their Driving Was More Dangerous Than Your Dialogue

, , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(I’m working a closing shift at my second job, which is at a popular meat sandwich chain. The night has been slow on and off, giving us enough time to get stuff done with the occasional moments to socialize. I’m currently the one running the drive-thru.)

Manager: *stops mid-sentence to let out a loud laugh* “Holy s***!”

Me & Coworker: “What?”

Manager: *points out windows at drive-thru line* “That guy came in too fast and almost jumped our driveway!”

(My coworker and I turn in time to see a car backing up and away from the cement curbed strip of grass that separates the drive-thru and the main road.)

Me: “Well, when you really want [Restaurant]…”

(The car straightens out and pulls into the drive-thru at a leisurely pace. I’m totally ready when they pull up to the speaker.)

Me: “Nice driving. What can I get for you tonight?”

(Both of my coworkers AND the driver of the car burst into laughter.)

Driver: “I know; that was terrible!”

(My manager took over the order from there, and also smacked me on the arm. I didn’t care, though, because it was the highlight of that closing night.)

Not The Brightest Spark

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2018

(I work at a fairly popular oil change service center where we do much more than just oil changes. This conversation happens more often than it should.)

Me: “And your manufacturer recommends having your spark plugs replaced every 105,000 miles.”

Customer: “I don’t think my car has spark plugs.”

(I stare at the customer to see if she’s kidding:)

Me: “Do you put gas in your car?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Then it has spark plugs.”

Unfiltered Story #98715

, , | Unfiltered | October 25, 2017

(I don’t know why I do it myself, but I refer to bad drivers as baboons. It’s the first time it’s come up in a while.)

Me: *noticing that my dad slowed down suddenly* “Baboon?”

Dad: “Yeah?”

Me: *seeing that there were two cars in front of us, not one* “Two baboons?”

Dad: “I think so.”

A Valid Argument In Detroit

, , , , | Related | September 15, 2017

(I am the moron in this story. My brother is getting married. His wife’s sister and myself are both under 21, so the bride decides we should all go to Montreal for the weekend for her bachelorette party so we can drink. Since I have the biggest car, I drive on the way up there while my sister-in-law-to-be gives directions.)

Sister-In-Law: “It says take I-87 pretty much to the border.”

Me: “Which way?”

Sister-In-Law: “I-87; there is an entrance down by Broadway.”

Me: “Yeah, I know, but am I going north or south?”

Sister-In-Law: *stares at me in disbelief*

Me: “The entrance is coming up soon; I need to know, north or south?”

Sister-In-Law: “Uh, we are going to Canada…”

Me: “Yes, but north or south?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, we aren’t going to Mexico. Which way is Canada?”

Me: *realizing just how dumb my question was* “Oh, duh!” *we all start laughing hysterically* “How much to never tell my brother—” *who teaches history and geography* “—that this conversation happened?”
Sister-In-Law: “Too late, already texted him.”

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