I remember being a nine-year-old in the mid 1980s. Our bus driver (a really nice lady, but she suffered no fools) keeps looking into her rear-view mirror and cursing. 

After a few more minutes of this, she stops the bus, rolls her window down, and starts screaming at some guy, whom I then realized was trying to drive past the bus.

Driver: *Pointed at the extended stop sign, screaming.* “IF YOU CAN’T F****** READ THEN GET IN THE BUS, AND I’LL HAUL YOUR IGNORANT A** TO SCHOOL SO YOU CAN LEARN!”

The driver turned down a side street quickly after that.

 That’s my clearest memory of being in the fourth grade, and it wasn’t even in the school.

My mom was picking me up from middle school one terrible day. I was picked on all that day and was just looking forward to going home and licking my wounds for the next day. She saw that I was depressed and wanted to cheer me up. She got my attention, and when I looked over, she had her hand up to her forehead, making the ‘L’ for loser gesture, and a big innocent grin on her face. Seeing my mom making fun of me, I just kind of brooded for the rest of the ride home.

When we got home, she asked:

Mom: “Why didn’t you say it back?”

Me: “Say what back?”

Mom: “I love you!”

She put the ‘L’ gesture to her forehead again.

Me: “Mom, that doesn’t mean what you think it means. It means loser. You called me a loser!”

We both laughed. Now it’s an inside joke we do to each other all the time.

I’m driving with a friend on a notoriously pot-hole-filled part of town.

Friend: “So if America is the richest of the third world countries, how come we can’t afford to fix our d*** roads!”

Me: “Uh, [Friend], America isn’t third world.”

Friend: “Sure it is! Earth is the third world from the sun. So, we’re all third-world countries!”

Me: “You know what, that actually makes sense more than the thing I was thinking of.”

I’m in the backseat of the car, trying to focus on playing on my Switch. My older brother is in the passenger seat, and my dad is driving. I’m not fully paying attention to their argument, but my ears prick up when my dad uses that old parenting phrase:

Dad: “Would you do everything your friends do? If they jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?”

Brother: “My friends are not idiots, Dad. If they jumped off a cliff, there would be a good reason.”

Dad didn’t have a response to that!

After college, I lived in the same town for a while. I was only two hours away from my hometown, so I frequently made trips back and forth. On one trip back, I was stopped by Highway Patrol half a mile from my exit, and here is that exchange.

Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over, BOY?”

Me: “I’m not sure, man. Why?”

I swear I recognize this guy.

Officer: “License and registration, BOY!”

Me: *Complies.*

Officer: “You get in trouble a lot, BOY? I know I’ve seen you before, BOY!”

I finally see the nameplate, and it clicks.

Me: “Why did you pull me over, Scott?”

Officer: “How do you know me, BOY?”

Me: “[High school], Panthers, Class of ’99? We graduated together, dude. That’s why I look familiar.”

Officer: *Awkward stare-down.* “…I’ll be back in a minute, BOY!”

He wrote me a ticket for my expired tags, which I deserved, and it was worth it to have him stop shouting BOY at me and let me get home finally.