Might End Up With Another Drive To The Hospital

, , , , , | Learning | October 18, 2018

(In Massachusetts, if you are under 18 and want to get your license, you are legally required to take a driver’s education course that includes both classroom instruction and driving with an instructor in the car. My experience with the classroom instruction portion is pretty normal, and my instructor is very professional…. until I get behind the wheel with her. As I’m driving, she receives a phone call. Suddenly, she is having a loud, animated discussion in a foreign language on her cell phone. She periodically pulls away to give me directions, but then continues on her rant. Luckily, I’ve driven with my parents prior to this, so it’s not my first time on the road, but it’s still unsettling. After several minutes, the instructor finally hangs up her cell phone. She turns to me and says:)

Instructor: “I’m sorry, but I need to cut your lesson short today. I will give you priority on rescheduling and a discount, honey. We need to get back to the driving school; my idiot sister is in the hospital.”

Me: “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I totally understand. Is she okay?”

Instructor: “She’s a moron! She told me she sprayed perfume in her vagina because it smelled bad, and now she has a very serious infection!”

(I slam on the brakes. The instructor looks at me with a surprised expression.)

Instructor: “Why did you do that? You’ve been doing perfect this whole time!”

(I take a breath.)

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just that I feel like that’s a really personal issue. I’m only 16 and don’t have too much driving experience, and you being on the phone, and then sharing that detail with me is very inappropriate.”

Instructor: “Geez, you’re the one who asked if she was okay.”

(I asked for a different instructor to do the rest of my driving hours.)

 

STOP! And Get Out

, , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2018

(I’ve just finished a driving lesson. The instructor has me drive the car to where we’ll pick up another student, and then he’ll drive me home, a short distance away. I’m in the back seat, while the instructor is in the front passenger seat, which has another set of pedals.)

Instructor: “Remember: before crossing another street, slow the car, and look to see if any others are coming. If there’s a STOP sign, stop the car entirely. Understood?”

Student: “Yes, of course.”

(He starts driving. At some point we’re about to cross a semi-big street, with a STOP sign facing us, but the car shows no signs of slowing. Just when I think the other student is going to cross without looking, the car suddenly stops. At first I think the other student has remembered to stop a bit late, but then I look at him. He glances around us for a few moments, then down at his pedals, then at the instructor, looking entirely confused.)

Student: “What just happened?”

(The instructor had used his own brake to stop the car. I walked the rest of the way.)

Two Rights Can Right A Wrong

, , , , , | Learning | October 10, 2018

(I am taking driving lessons so I can obtain my commercial vehicle license. The practical lessons take place in a real semi-trailer truck, with me in the driver’s seat, my instructor in the passenger’s seat, and another student sitting on one of the beds in the sleeper cab.)

Instructor: “Okay, [My Name], make a right turn.”

(I get nervous, and end up missing the opportunity to turn. With no other choice, I continue driving straight.)

Instructor: “Okay, [Classmate], close the curtains and go hide in a corner.”

Classmate: “What? Why?”

Instructor: “[My Name] just missed his turn. Now we’re in [Different City]. Sitting in the sleeper cab was perfectly legal when we were still in [Previous City], but not here. If the police see you back there, [My Name] could get a ticket.”

Classmate: “Okay, I’ll go hide myself.”

Instructor: “All right, [My Name], we’re going to make two right turns now.”

Should Have Paid More Attention In Regular School

, , , , | Learning | February 24, 2018

(I work at a motorcycle training school. A boy rings for training for him and his dad. We have motorcycle training for learners which is done every two years; this is cheaper on renewal than the first time you do it. The boy is asking for two slots, one for him and one for his dad.)

Me: “Okay, as a deal, we’ll do that for £200 for the both of you.”

(It turns out his is a renewal and it’s a first-time course for his dad.)

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s £80 for you and £110 for your dad.”

Caller: “But you said £200 for both!”

Me: “Well, okay, then. As I promised, we’ll do it for £200 between you.”

Caller: “Great, thanks! See you next weekend!”

It Drives In The Family

, , , , , , , , , | Related | January 23, 2018

(I have received a speeding ticket, and as it’s not my first, I need to attend a government-run “re-training” session at a local school to teach me about the consequences of speeding. I walk into the classroom, and bump into my brother.)

Me: “What are you doing here?”

Brother: “I could ask you the same thing!”

Me: “Did you get a ticket?”

Brother: “Yeah, did you?”

Me: “Yeah, I was told I had to attend this class.”

Brother: “Oh, man. Me, too!” *his eyes go wide* “Seriously?”

(I follow his gaze and see our mom walk into the room.)

Mom: “What are you two doing here?”

(We establish that all three of us have received speeding tickets recently, none of which have been our first. The class starts and the teacher is taking roll-call.)

Teacher: “[My Name] [My Last Name].”

Me: “Here.”

Teacher: “[Brother] [My Last Name].”

Brother: “Here.”

Teacher: “[Mom] [My Last Name].”

Mom: “Here.”

(The teacher looks up after reading the three names in a row, to see the three of us sat together. We all look alike.)

Teacher: “Are you related?”

Mom: “They’re my sons.”

Teacher: “Who taught them how to drive?”

Mom: “I did.”

Teacher: “Figures.”

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