I’m in line at the drive-thru. I’ve already put my order in and paid at the payment window, so now I’m just waiting to collect. The car ahead of me is at the window, and they’re taking their time.

It’s a hot day, so my windows are up to preserve the air conditioning, but even with that, I can hear the customer shouting at the window worker and getting riled up. I lower the window a little to hear what’s going on.

Customer: “Your ice cream machine is always… f******… broken!”

Window Worker: “Ma’am, I have already apologized, and I’ve offered the phone number to call to complain, but if there’s nothing else we need to get the line moving.”

Customer: “You f****** b****-a** [n-word]—”

I’m so focused on the customer leaning out of her car window and releasing the flurry of swears, insults, and slurs, I didn’t see the worker grab a spray bottle, reach forward, and spray the customer. She actually stops her verbosity for a second.

Customer: *Half still enraged, half now shocked.* “What was that?!”

Window Worker: “Abuse spray! I use it on every customer who shouts abuse at me.”

Customer: “The f*** you—”

Window Worker: *Sprays again.*

Customer: “Stop, f******—”

Window Worker: *Sprays again.*

The customer rolls her window up and finally pushes forward. I pull up.

Me: “That was fun.”

Window Worker: “Well, management will just give her a coupon, so I had to find my own way to get the message across that I won’t be sworn at.”

Me: “Yeah, I know it’s a hundred degrees out here and we all want ice cream, but it’s not your fault the ice cream machine is broken.”

Window Worker: *After confirming my order and handing over my food.* “Thanks for being one of the sane ones.”

Me: “Does that spray bottle have a mist setting?”

Window Worker: “It does.”

Me: “Do I gotta scream and shout to get a little misting?”

Window Worker: *Laughing and holding up the spray bottle.* “I know it’s hot as heck out here, but this isn’t water, it’s vinegar.”

Me: “Never mind, then! Have a great day! Hope you don’t have to season any more customers!”

We are backed up, with one of our flat tops down, a new item on the menu, two people out sick, and our main ordering box going down; it was a perfect storm. During the lunch rush, everyone came in all at once, getting stuck in the drive-through. While it was understandable that no one was expecting a thirty-to-forty-five-minute wait, we were doing what we could. While no one was happy about it, this interaction stood out.

Customer: *Pulling up to the window.* “Dude, what the f***.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m so sorry for the wait.”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be fast food, yeah, not forty-five f****** minutes.”

Me: “Ye—”

Customer: “—And it’s not like there’s a way to pull out of this f****** lane once you are in here.”

Me: “I know, but—”

Customer: “—The f******* person at the box should have said the wait time was this f***ed up; I would have reversed out of this s*** before anyone came in behind me!”

Me: “Understa—”

Customer: “—You guys need to do better! You know people are coming in here for a fast meal, and you don’t even mention the wait!? We have places to be, do you know how much money I spend here!?”

Something seemed to click in the driver’s head as he said that last sentence.

Customer: “Oh no.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Oh noooooooooo…”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I’m that guy!”

Me: “Sorry, sir?”

He responded in a hushed, mystical voice of deep contemplation.

Customer: “What have I become…”

Me: “Sir, it’s okay, the wait has been really bad today.”

Customer: “This is not okay, I am disappointed in myself. I have dishonored my family.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Figuratively.”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “I apologize for my behavior. I should have given you time to speak before yelling over you.”

Me: “It’s quite alright, the things you said are all valid.”

Customer: “But they could have been said respectfully.”

Me: “You’re not wrong.”

Customer: “Well… umm, here’s my card.”

Me: “Thanks, it will be another minute or two.”

Customer: “Take as long as you need…”

Me: “Are you okay?

Customer: “Are you okay?”

Me: “I’ll be fine.”

Customer: “Good, good, good.”

No further words were exchanged aside from him thanking us when we finally handed him his order.

I pull up to the drive-thru.

Employee: *Over the speaker.* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place], what would you like to order?”

Me: “Yeah, can I get a cheeseburger meal with cheese, please? Medium fries and a Diet Coke.”

Employee: “So that’s a double bacon burger with no cheese, onion rings, and a Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “I… I don’t even know how you could get everything so wrong.”

Employee: “Thanks so much! Please pull forward!”

Me: “No, wait, I—”

Employee: “—Welcome to [Fast Food Place], what would you like to order?”

Me: “Are you an AI?”

Employee: “We don’t have that on the menu, currently.”

Done with this, I pull forward so that I can speak to a human being… to be presented with a young worker speaking in the exact same voice I heard on the speaker, so not an AI.

Employee: “So, double bacon burger with no cheese, onion rings, and a Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “Not even close. I asked for a cheeseburger meal with cheese, medium fries, and a Diet Coke.”

Employee: “Isn’t that what I said?”

Me: “Dude, are you okay?”

Employee: *Huge fake smile.* “I’m great and happy to be here!”

His smile seems to be hiding deep, sunken eyes and exhaustion. Then I remember what week it is and that this is a college town.

Me: “Oooooh, finals week.”

Employee: *Huge fake smile, somehow becoming even larger, speaking in a sing-song voice.* “I haven’t slept in three days!”

I got my lunch somewhere else…

I’ve just handed food to a customer at the drive-thru.

Customer: “Thanks! You have a blessed day!”

Me: “Blessed be.”

Customer: “That’s a weird way of saying God bless.”

Me: “Because it’s not saying God bless. It’s Wiccan.”

Customer: *Screams.* “Oh my God! A Witch!” 

She pulls out of the drive-thru lane so loud and fast it might as well be a cartoon.

Coworker: “Again?”

Me: “Hey, if they’re going to bring a religious greeting into a non-religious space, then I’m going to do the same.”

A customer pulls up to my window in the drive-thru, bypassing the menu screen and speaker.

Customer: “Your menu is too d*** small! Now, I’ll have a Whopper, fries, and Pepsi, with—”

Me: “Sir, this is McDonald’s. Burger King is a couple of blocks down.”

The customer squints at me, then looks around, and sighs.

Customer: “Oh, well, I forgot my glasses today.”

Me: “That sounds worrying.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Well, you’re driving.”

Customer: “Oh, I remember how many times I need to turn left and right to get here and back. I’ll be fine.”

Me: “Sir, it’s who is in front of your car I’m worried about.”