(In our apartment there are three bedrooms with two beds in each room. The roommate who shares my room is a close friend of mine and we were roommates the previous semester. All of the other girls are new, and no one knew each other before we moved in together. I am engaged so I am rarely home. My friend/room-roommate is also rarely home, and as such we never do the dishes since we don’t eat at our apartment. Throughout the semester there is a lot of tension, and my room-roommate and I don’t know why. Passive-aggressive notes show up all throughout the semester about dishes, but we just ignore them because we don’t use dishes. We notice that our food often ‘disappears’ but we just stop buying more. The following exchange occurs with one of the roommates the semester after everyone moves to different apartments.)

Me: “Hey! Long time no see! How are you?”

Roommate: “I’m doing well. I’m living in [new apartment complex] now.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Didn’t you move out because of [other roommate who made everyone uncomfortable]?”

Roommate: “Yeah. We learned some more things about her after you left.”

Me: “Yeah? Like what?”

Roommate: “Remember how there were all those notes about the dishes?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. [Room-Roommate] and I thought they were directed at us, but we were confused about it because we never used dishes.”

Roommate: “Apparently [Roommate who made everyone uncomfortable] kept using your dishes and would leave them dirty in the kitchen. Then she would say that you guys left them and show her own clean dishes so she didn’t have to clean them!”

Me: “WHAT?! How could someone do that?! And how did you figure it out?!”

Roommate: “It turns out she tried to do that this semester, but because all of her roommates stayed home, she got caught. She only got away with it before because you guys were never home.”

(After I said goodbye to her I called up my room-roommate and told her what I had learned!)

(In my dorm, there is a filtered water machine in the basement. I frequently use it to fill my 10-gallon fish tank. I’m a 5’6″ 120 lb female, but I work out a lot and I’m able to lift my own body weight. When my fish tank is full, it weighs about 100 lbs. I bring my fish tank downstairs and fill it up, and walk the long hallway carrying the heavy tank, when a guy catches up to me.)

Guy: “Hey, do you need any help with that? It looks really heavy!”

Me: “Oh, no, thanks. It’s really not that bad.”

Guy: “No, really. I can carry that. Don’t want you to get hurt!”

Me: “Really, I’m fine. I fill this thing up all the time. It’s not a big deal.”

Guy: “Come on! You have a guy offering you help!”

Me: “I don’t need any help from you.”

(The elevator comes.)

Me: “Do you mind hitting six? Thanks.”

Guy: “Here, let me take that.”

(He grabs the tank from my arms, scraping them with the corners, leaving bruises.)

Me: “… Dude! Seriously?!”

Guy: “D***! This is heavy! Oh, no!”

(Suddenly, he loses his grip and drops my fish tank. Of course, it’s glass, so it shatters. Thankfully, we both only had minor cuts from the glass, which flew everywhere. The elevator is soaked, and I could see water running into the crack below the door and hear it dripping down the shaft. The door opens on his floor a few seconds later.)

Guy: “You should have warned me it was so heavy! Pretty girls like you who expect men to do EVERYTHING for you PISS ME OFF! Now I’m all cut up thanks to you! UGH!” *storms out of the elevator*

(I called maintenance and helped them clean it up. I found out that guy lived on my boyfriend’s floor, and we insisted that he pay for a new tank. He eventually gave in and got me a five-gallon tank, telling me, ‘This is will be easier for you to carry. Maybe you won’t drop it this time.’ I had to stop my boyfriend from punching him.)

(I never met my college roommate before we moved in together. We didn’t get along very well, since she liked to drink a lot, even by herself, and she disrupted my studies and slept very frequently when she would come home drunk. I had just made myself a pot of coffee for a late night of studying.)

Roommate: “You shouldn’t drink so much coffee. That s***’s like poison. It’ll kill you.” *takes a swig of vodka right out of the bottle*

Me: “O… kay.”

(I work the night shift at the security desk in a dorm on campus. One night, about 1 am, a girl tries to walk past with her boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey. Sorry, but you can’t bring him up. Check-in hours are over.”

Resident: “Oh, he lives here.”

Me: “No… He doesn’t.”

Resident: “Yeah, he does.”

Me: “I am positive that he doesn’t.”

Resident: “I don’t see why you would just assume that.”

Me: “… This is a girls’ dorm.”

Resident: “Oh, s***. I forgot!”

(My best friend and I are hanging out in his dorm room up at college. It is getting late, approaching dinner time.)

Me: “Man, I’m getting hungry. I kinda don’t wanna go to the student union, though…”

Best Friend: “Yeah, me neither.”

Me: “We could go drive around and look for a good place to eat off-campus. See what’s available.”

Best Friend: “Aw, man… I’d love to, but I don’t have any cash on me right now and all I have is an ATM card. All the banks are probably closed by now.”

Me: “There’s an ATM in the lobby, though, isn’t there?”

Best Friend: “Yeah, but that’s not my bank! They charge an extra three bucks to use it if you’re not with them! That’s like, a hamburger or something! I don’t wanna waste my money…”

Me: “Yeah, OK. I get what you’re saying. Never mind that then.”

(We talk a little more, and decided that, despite wanting to get off-campus, we’ll just go to the student union after all. As we walk out of the halls and into the dorm building’s lobby, we pass by the aforementioned ATM.)

Best Friend: *pointing* “STUPID ATM! STEALIN’ ALL MY HAMBURGERS!”

(Needless to say, the girl at the front desk gave us some very strange looks as we left!)