(It’s 11 am Sunday morning and I’m buying donuts. Business is not exactly hopping.)

Me: “Good morning! I’d like three dozen assorted doughnuts, please.”

Cashier: “You need to call ahead for orders larger than two dozen. If I sell you three dozen, I’ll be almost out of stock, and won’t be able to serve other customers.”

(I glance around. The only other customer is an elderly man reading a newspaper. There is no line, and my car is the only one in the lot.)

Me: “So, you can’t sell me these doughnuts, because then you would have sold the doughnuts you’re trying to sell, and couldn’t sell them any more?”

Cashier: “That’s correct. If you’d like three dozen, you need to give us 15 minutes notice so we can make enough to fill the order.”

Me: “Okay… so can I order three dozen doughnuts for 15 minutes from now?”

Cashier: “Yes!”

(I wait 15 minutes while the employees cook more doughnuts. The only other customer has now fallen asleep at his table. No other customers enter the store. The existing doughnuts sit behind glass, taunting me. 15 minutes later, the new doughnuts are ready.)

Cashier: “There you go, sir. Please remember to call ahead next time!”

Me: “…”

(Our store serves mostly older customers and families. We promote a very friendly atmosphere, calling customers ‘hon’ and the like. An older customer comes in for a coffee.)

Me: “Hi welcome to—”

Customer: “I want a large hot coffee, with two creamers, and six sugars, and nothing else. And I want the senior discount.”

Me: “Of course. After your discount, it comes to $2.06.”

Customer: “Add the senior discount.”

Me: “I already did, ma’am. Before the discount it was $2.29.”

(The customer gestures to another customer.)

Customer: “He got his for less. Why are you overcharging me?”

Me: “He works here; it’s just his day off. The employee discount is different than the senior discount.”

Customer: “Well, okay. So I owe you $1.73?”

Me: “No, $2.06. The $1.73 on your screen is before tax. Right below that you should see $2.06.”

Customer: “Thirty cents in taxes!?! I’m not paying that much!”

Me: “I can’t control how much tax is ma’am. Here, how about I buy your coffee today.”

Customer: “Two creamers, six sugars.”

(I make her coffee, and she takes it outside. Less than two minutes later, she returns, fuming.)

Customer: “This is so bitter!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can add some sugar for you.”

Customer: “How many did you put in?”

Me: “Six.”

Customer: “I only want six. Don’t put any more in.”

Me: “Okay, would you like non-sugar sweetener?”

Customer: “No! Just make my coffee sweeter!”

Me: “Hun, I don’t know how to make your coffee sweeter without adding anything to it.”

Customer: “I want a refund! You’re terrible!”

Me: “Your coffee was free. I can’t give you a refund on something free.”

Customer: “I want my money back! Get me your manager!”

(I got my manager, explaining everything. Eventually she ended up giving the customer a voucher for two free coffees, but not before I was called a “stupid, fat c***”.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy a dozen donuts.”

Me: “Sure! What kind would you like?”

Customer: “What kind do you have?”

Me: “Sir, all of our donuts are on display behind me, with labels in front of them. You can have a look, and tell me what you would like.”

Customer: “I can read! I want you to tell me what kind of donuts you sell! That’s your job!”

(I turn around, and proceed to read each label aloud. My coworker at the ice cream counter watches and snickers. The man waits until I have read every label, and then makes his selections.)

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Do you have muffins?”

(I gesture to the shelves full of muffins.)

Me: “Yes, we have a variety of muffins.”

Customer: “What kind?”

(My coworker chokes with laughter. I turn around again, and read the muffin labels. When I finish, the man selects two muffins.)

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “I think I’ll have some ice cream, too.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll ring up your items here, and then you can go and make your selections at the ice cream counter.”

(The man completes his order, then goes over to the ice cream section. My coworker is still giggling with his back to the counter, and hasn’t seen the customer yet.)

Customer: “What kind of ice cream do you have?”

Coworker: *stops giggling*

(I am a customer in line behind one man and one woman. The employees at this shop all have fairly heavy accents, but speak perfectly understandable English. However, they do converse amongst themselves in Spanish.)

Female Customer: *turns around* “What is the matter with these people? Why the h*** can’t they just speak English the way God intended?”

(The other customer and I raise our eyebrows at each other.)

Male Customer: “What makes you think God intended people to speak English?

Female Customer: “Well, the Bible is in English, duh!”

(I go into a local donut shop where they also happen to serve burgers.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like—”

Employee: “We’re not doing burgers right now. We might get busy.”

Me: “I wasn’t—”

Employee: “I’M NOT SERVING YOU! WE MIGHT GET BUSY!”

Me: “The store is empty.”

Employee: *ignores me*

(I left, but she was unsurprisingly fired several weeks later for too many complaints.)