Reading Aloud Shouldn’t Be Allowed

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | April 18, 2013

Customer: “I’d like to buy a dozen donuts.”

Me: “Sure! What kind would you like?”

Customer: “What kind do you have?”

Me: “Sir, all of our donuts are on display behind me, with labels in front of them. You can have a look, and tell me what you would like.”

Customer: “I can read! I want you to tell me what kind of donuts you sell! That’s your job!”

(I turn around, and proceed to read each label aloud. My coworker at the ice cream counter watches and snickers. The man waits until I have read every label, and then makes his selections.)

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Do you have muffins?”

(I gesture to the shelves full of muffins.)

Me: “Yes, we have a variety of muffins.”

Customer: “What kind?”

(My coworker chokes with laughter. I turn around again, and read the muffin labels. When I finish, the man selects two muffins.)

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “I think I’ll have some ice cream, too.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll ring up your items here, and then you can go and make your selections at the ice cream counter.”

(The man completes his order, then goes over to the ice cream section. My coworker is still giggling with his back to the counter, and hasn’t seen the customer yet.)

Customer: “What kind of ice cream do you have?”

Coworker: *stops giggling*

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They’re Talking Babel

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | February 4, 2013

(I am a customer in line behind one man and one woman. The employees at this shop all have fairly heavy accents, but speak perfectly understandable English. However, they do converse amongst themselves in Spanish.)

Female Customer: *turns around* “What is the matter with these people? Why the h*** can’t they just speak English the way God intended?”

(The other customer and I raise our eyebrows at each other.)

Male Customer: “What makes you think God intended people to speak English?

Female Customer: “Well, the Bible is in English, duh!”

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What The Hole Is Their Problem

| Oregon, USA | Working | November 26, 2012

(I go into a local donut shop where they also happen to serve burgers.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like—”

Employee: “We’re not doing burgers right now. We might get busy.”

Me: “I wasn’t—”

Employee: “I’M NOT SERVING YOU! WE MIGHT GET BUSY!”

Me: “The store is empty.”

Employee: *ignores me*

(I left, but she was unsurprisingly fired several weeks later for too many complaints.)

Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad

, , , , , , | | Right | August 27, 2012

(This happens around Easter. A man in an Easter Bunny suit comes riding a unicycle into the parking lot and enters the shop.)

Me: “Hey there, Easter Bunny!”

Easter Bunny: “Donuts? Sick! I’ll have three strawberry, three cherry, and three blueberry, glazed, and with frosting and sprinkles!”

Me: *hands him the bag* “Anything else?”

Easter Bunny: “Nah! Donuts! Sick!”

(The Easter Bunny suddenly SLAMMED his head on the counter, which would have been quite painful if not for the headpiece on his costume. An egg rolled out seemingly from nowhere and onto the counter. He walked out without another word, hopped onto his unicycle and rode off. The egg contained exact change—plus a labeled five dollar tip!)

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Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

(Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

(The caller gets back on the phone.)

Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts, A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

Me: “Um, all right, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

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