(It’s about an hour until we close. It’s just me and another coworker out front, and we get a call.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Donut Shop]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Did you know that your fritters have nuts in them?”

Coworker: “Um… Yes?”

Customer: “Well, you should take them out of the case or someone might sue you!”

(He, of course, quells her anger by agreeing with her, and she hangs up. He tells me what went down.)

Me: “Did she not see the tons of nut-covered donuts that we have?”

Coworker: “Apparently not.”

(This one’s all on me, because this website has made me paranoid. I pop into a coffee and donut shop. I’m waiting for my order, when my clerk holds up a donut.)

Clerk: “Is this the one you ordered, sir?”

(I look at it. It’s not, but it’s close enough to the one I ordered.)

Me: “Yeah, fine. Whatever.”

(The clerk’s about to hand me the donut, when the manager stops her.)

Manager: “Wait. Are you giving him the right donut? You know it’s very similar to [donut I actually ordered], and you’ve been getting them mixed up lately.”

Clerk: “Yes, it is the one he ordered. I asked him, and he said yes.” *turns to me* “Isn’t that right, sir?”

Me: “Actually, I did order [donut I actually ordered].”

Clerk: “What? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Me: “I didn’t want to end up on NotAlwaysRight.com.”

(My mother and I have decided to get a dozen donuts from a famous donut store. They have a light that indicates when the donuts are freshly baked, which is on when we pull into the drive-thru. We order a dozen plain donuts, as well as one specialized donut for each of us. When we pull up to the window to pay and get our donuts, an employee sticks his head out and say:)

Employee #1: “So… our fresh donuts are just about to go into the grease, which means they’ll be another five to seven minutes. But we have a dozen ready that have been sitting out for about five minutes. Would you rather wait to get them fresh, or have a dozen now?”

Mom: “Oh, we can wait.”

Employee #1: “Okay! It’ll just be about five to seven minutes.”

(He takes our card and gives us our specialized donuts, which we begin eating. Less than two minutes later, another employee appears with a box of donuts.)

Employee #2: “Here you go.”

(He hands my mom the box and then disappears. The problem? It’s completely cold. We’ve been given the box that was sitting for five minutes. We stay at the window for a couple of minutes and [Employee #2] eventually returns.)

Employee #2: “Was there something else?”

Mom: “Well… these donuts are cold. The other cashier said that if we waited, we would get fresh ones.”

(She holds the box out, expecting him to take it back since we haven’t opened it or touched the donuts. The employee sighs deeply, clearly frustrated.)

Employee #2: “I wish he would have told me that. It’ll be a few minutes.”

(He vanishes. Mom is still holding the donuts.)

Me: “So… Do we just get these for free, or…?”

Mom: “I don’t know?”

(A minute or so later, [Employee #1] returns.)

Employee #1: *harshly* “I’m sorry about his ignorance. He’s new. You can have a free dozen. Your fresh ones will be out in a minute.”

(He disappears before we can say anything. On the one hand, we just got a free dozen donuts; on the other hand, what the heck just happened? When [Employee #1] comes back with our fresh donuts, my mom says:)

Mom: “This isn’t going to get you two in trouble, is it? We didn’t touch the other box, so you can just take it back.”

Employee #1: “No, it’s fine. Have a good night.”

(We left, still wildly confused at what was going on between those two employees.)

Customer: *to my coworker* “I would like a half-dozen plain glazed donuts.”

(My coworker packs them up in a box sized just for the half dozen, and then turns to start ringing the customer up.)

Customer: “Uh, EXCUSE me, I asked for a HALF DOZEN donuts.”

Coworker: “This is a half-dozen, ma’am.”

(He opens the box to show her.)

Customer: “Oh, my god. A haaaaaaaalf dooooooozen. Why can’t they hire people who speak English. You there!”

(She is snapping her fingers at me, and I come over.)

Customer: “I ordered a half-dozen donuts and this [racist slur] gave me six!”

Me: “A half-dozen is six.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, are you an idiot!? There’s ten in a half-dozen!”

(She pulls out her phone, muttering comments about how dumb I am and racial comments about my coworker. She flashes a screen with the search “how many are in a half dozen,” and then hits enter. It comes back with six, and she turns a bright shade of red.)

Customer: “Oh, my god. Oh, my god, this is bull-s***.” *she turns to leave the store, and then stops at the door and turns to my coworker* “Go back to where you came from! I hope you are deported!”

Coworker: “I’m from New Jersey.”

(I attend college in a smaller town, and there’s an excellent local donut shop right across from my dorm that I’ve been to a couple of times and adored. My younger sister is on campus for a high school-related activity, so I offer to buy her some. Since I have classes, I’m not able to get there until one, about an hour before the shop’s closing time, so I thought I’d still be able to grab her a couple. Upon arriving, I see the owner is prepping a sign, as they are out of donuts. I did not notice this until entering the shop.)

Owner: “Oh, hey, sorry about that. I was just about to put the sign up. We have a couple of cake donuts left if you’re interested.”

Me: “Oh, no, it’s fine, I kind of guessed I’d be cutting it close. I was going to grab some for my sister, but I’ll just come back and get some before I head home for break.”

(I leave town to go home for Thanksgiving next week.)

Owner: “Hmm… what kind of donuts does your sister like?”

Me: “Um, maple and glazed, but she said—” *I had been texting for her opinion* “—that it’s fine, I can just—”

Owner: “How about this: I’ll just put some maple frosting on a couple of these cake donuts and you can take her a bag. They’re not our usuals but she’ll love them.” *begins doing just that*

Me: “Oh, wow, seriously? That’d be awesome! How much will that be?”

Owner: *handing me the bag* “None, it’s on the house. I’m not gonna charge you for half-a**ed maple donuts just because you came in just a few minutes too late.”

Me: “I, wow, thank you so much!”

(My sister loved the “half-a**ed” donuts, and I still intend to go buy a box to take home before I go home for break.)