Bet You Dollars To Donuts That They’re Fighting

, , , , , | | Working | June 3, 2018

(My mother and I have decided to get a dozen donuts from a famous donut store. They have a light that indicates when the donuts are freshly baked, which is on when we pull into the drive-thru. We order a dozen plain donuts, as well as one specialized donut for each of us. When we pull up to the window to pay and get our donuts, an employee sticks his head out and say:)

Employee #1: “So… our fresh donuts are just about to go into the grease, which means they’ll be another five to seven minutes. But we have a dozen ready that have been sitting out for about five minutes. Would you rather wait to get them fresh, or have a dozen now?”

Mom: “Oh, we can wait.”

Employee #1: “Okay! It’ll just be about five to seven minutes.”

(He takes our card and gives us our specialized donuts, which we begin eating. Less than two minutes later, another employee appears with a box of donuts.)

Employee #2: “Here you go.”

(He hands my mom the box and then disappears. The problem? It’s completely cold. We’ve been given the box that was sitting for five minutes. We stay at the window for a couple of minutes and [Employee #2] eventually returns.)

Employee #2: “Was there something else?”

Mom: “Well… these donuts are cold. The other cashier said that if we waited, we would get fresh ones.”

(She holds the box out, expecting him to take it back since we haven’t opened it or touched the donuts. The employee sighs deeply, clearly frustrated.)

Employee #2: “I wish he would have told me that. It’ll be a few minutes.”

(He vanishes. Mom is still holding the donuts.)

Me: “So… Do we just get these for free, or…?”

Mom: “I don’t know?”

(A minute or so later, [Employee #1] returns.)

Employee #1: *harshly* “I’m sorry about his ignorance. He’s new. You can have a free dozen. Your fresh ones will be out in a minute.”

(He disappears before we can say anything. On the one hand, we just got a free dozen donuts; on the other hand, what the heck just happened? When [Employee #1] comes back with our fresh donuts, my mom says:)

Mom: “This isn’t going to get you two in trouble, is it? We didn’t touch the other box, so you can just take it back.”

Employee #1: “No, it’s fine. Have a good night.”

(We left, still wildly confused at what was going on between those two employees.)

Racists Are Popping Up By The Dozen

| PA, USA | Right | December 17, 2016

Customer: *to my coworker* “I would like a half-dozen plain glazed donuts.”

(My coworker packs them up in a box sized just for the half dozen, and then turns to start ringing the customer up.)

Customer: “Uh, EXCUSE me, I asked for a HALF DOZEN donuts.”

Coworker: “This is a half-dozen, ma’am.”

(He opens the box to show her.)

Customer: “Oh, my god. A haaaaaaaalf dooooooozen. Why can’t they hire people who speak English. You there!”

(She is snapping her fingers at me, and I come over.)

Customer: “I ordered a half-dozen donuts and this [racist slur] gave me six!”

Me: “A half-dozen is six.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, are you an idiot!? There’s ten in a half-dozen!”

(She pulls out her phone, muttering comments about how dumb I am and racial comments about my coworker. She flashes a screen with the search “how many are in a half dozen,” and then hits enter. It comes back with six, and she turns a bright shade of red.)

Customer: “Oh, my god. Oh, my god, this is bull-s***.” *she turns to leave the store, and then stops at the door and turns to my coworker* “Go back to where you came from! I hope you are deported!”

Coworker: “I’m from New Jersey.”

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Nut About To Go Home Empty Handed

| Bozeman, MT, USA | Working | December 15, 2016

(I attend college in a smaller town, and there’s an excellent local donut shop right across from my dorm that I’ve been to a couple of times and adored. My younger sister is on campus for a high school-related activity, so I offer to buy her some. Since I have classes, I’m not able to get there until one, about an hour before the shop’s closing time, so I thought I’d still be able to grab her a couple. Upon arriving, I see the owner is prepping a sign, as they are out of donuts. I did not notice this until entering the shop.)

Owner: “Oh, hey, sorry about that. I was just about to put the sign up. We have a couple of cake donuts left if you’re interested.”

Me: “Oh, no, it’s fine, I kind of guessed I’d be cutting it close. I was going to grab some for my sister, but I’ll just come back and get some before I head home for break.”

(I leave town to go home for Thanksgiving next week.)

Owner: “Hmm… what kind of donuts does your sister like?”

Me: “Um, maple and glazed, but she said—” *I had been texting for her opinion* “—that it’s fine, I can just—”

Owner: “How about this: I’ll just put some maple frosting on a couple of these cake donuts and you can take her a bag. They’re not our usuals but she’ll love them.” *begins doing just that*

Me: “Oh, wow, seriously? That’d be awesome! How much will that be?”

Owner: *handing me the bag* “None, it’s on the house. I’m not gonna charge you for half-a**ed maple donuts just because you came in just a few minutes too late.”

Me: “I, wow, thank you so much!”

(My sister loved the “half-a**ed” donuts, and I still intend to go buy a box to take home before I go home for break.)

To Protect And To Steal

| NY, USA | Right | June 27, 2016

(I work at a donut shop in lower Manhattan. A clearly homeless guy in a police uniform walks in holding clearly a fake gun.)

Homeless Man: “Give me all your money! This is police business!”

(I slowly start filling a bag with money, but before I do so, my coworker calls the police. Eventually, the police arrive, and as they do the homeless man begins to pretend to be a police officer trying to find the suspect.)

Homeless Man: *groaning* “Now where’d that man go. He must be gone. Too bad.”

(He ended up getting arrested and turned out to be a former police officer trying to find some cash.)

Go Nuts For Donuts

| Macomb, MI, USA | Right | June 10, 2016

(I just started at a local donut shop. My manager gets an angry call from a customer about how she didn’t like her donuts. She turns to me and says the customer will be in for a new dozen and to not charge her.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m here for my free donuts.”

Me: “Yes, I have them right here.” *hands box*

(The customer opens the box.)

Customer: “No! You messed up again.” *rolls eyes* “I asked for an assorted dozen and you gave me crunchy ones! How am I supposed to eat these?”

(The coworker walks over to help.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you asked for an assorted dozen. We gave you random donuts that are most popular. It’s not our fault if you wanted specific ones and didn’t tell us.”

Customer’s Friend: “I work at [Same Shop] and corporate would be very upset if they knew how many donuts you had left!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we are privately owned. Our donut order was cut in half since our donut maker is in the hospital this morning.”

Coworker: “You came in on a Saturday, our busiest donut day, at seven pm. We don’t have many donuts left…”

Customer: “You f***** b****! Oh, my god! I want my donuts. Get your manager. You’re getting in trouble!”

(The stupid customer was awarded another free batch of donuts and a drink. The customer comes in next week.)

Customer: “I was going to punch [Coworker] straight in the face but I didn’t want to go to jail! She’s lucky! IS SHE FIRED YET?!”

Me: “No, ma’am…”

(I literally hate this customer.)