I am visiting family in San Diego right when all the restrictions are lifted and I happen to have my blue and gold macaw, Wendy, with me. Wendy likes to travel and goes almost everywhere with me. She is very funny and polite. However, there is one caveat: for whatever reason, she does NOT like men. She won’t actively attack a man, but she does freak out when one comes near her and she’s not expecting it or she doesn’t know him.

We stop at a donut shop. I am feeding Wendy a piece of blueberry donut. She is on my shoulder, minding her own business, enjoying her treat, when all of a sudden I can feel her rock back, dig her talons into my flesh, and let out a little yell. I turn and some drunk lady has decided to take it upon herself and pull on my bird’s long tail. As if that isn’t an issue enough, once Wendy turned to investigate, the lady’s very tall boyfriend happened to be there and that’s when Wendy really freaked out.

Me: “Don’t touch my bird!”

Drunk Woman: *Whining* “Buuuut I just wanna pet it.”

Me: “You don’t just grab someone’s pet without asking.”

My sister interjects to try to keep the peace.

Sister: “Plus, she’s afraid of men.”

Drunk Boyfriend: *Gesturing to the lady* “Clearly, she is a female.”

Me: “Clearly, you are not.” 

Don’t touch someone’s animal without asking, and don’t get shocked when you get yelled at when you do.

Wendy was unharmed and enjoyed the rest of her treat.

We have a choice of white, chocolate, or caramel frosting. At least once a day, someone asks for the milk chocolate while pointing to the caramel donuts, which are clearly labeled as caramel.

Me: “Sir, that’s actually caramel. We only have one kind of chocolate.”

Customer: *Pointing at the caramel donuts and getting agitated* “That milk chocolate one! Right there!”

Me: “That’s the caramel. The only chocolate ones we have are these.” *Pointing to the actual chocolate donuts*

Customer: “No! What’s the matter with you?! You have dark chocolate and milk chocolate. I can see it right there! I don’t want dark chocolate; I want milk chocolate. You don’t even know what kind of donuts you sell!”

As he’s raising his voice and turning red in the face, I just give him the caramel donut he’s asked for. I watch him bite into it, and I see that he finally understands.

Customer: “THIS IS CARAMEL! I ASKED FOR MILK CHOCOLATE!”

We work in a donut kiosk at a service centre. Due to a blackout, none of the fast food shops can cook or sell food. We can, but we can’t open our till or use the register, so we’re using a small box with some change. People are grumpy when they find out they can’t get their choice of food, and that the only food option is us.

Customer #1: “I’ll have [two flavours].”

Me: “Due to the blackout, we can only accept cash. Is that okay?”

Customer #1: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

They hand over their card.

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t use the register due to the blackout.”

Customer #1: “They just told me the same thing over there! Why can’t I use my card anywhere here?”

Me: “There’s a blackout. No one has electricity. We can only accept cash.”

Customer #1: “I don’t have cash.”

Me: “Well, then, you can’t buy doughnuts. Have a good day.”

Another customer makes an order and pays me in cash, which I put in the cash box. A while later, she comes back.

Customer #2: “Um, I know you are only taking cash right now, but I saw that girl—” *points to coworker* “—put the coins under the counter.”

Me: “We’re keeping our cash box out of reach of customers, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Hmm…”

She wandered away from the counter but took photos of us “hiding” the money. We got a call from our boss the next day after a complaint was made to head office.

It is the fourth of July. I’m stopping to pick up some donuts and I notice a sign on the door stating they are closing at 2:00 pm for the holiday. It is about 10:00 am when I hear this exchange.

Customer: *To the clerk* “You guys get an easy day today, huh?”

Clerk: “Um, sort of.”

Customer: “Well, the sign says you close at 2.”

Clerk: “Yeah, but I’ve been here since 5.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Seriously, man. Do you really think a donut shop is nine-to-five?

This story is part of our Fourth-Of-July-themed roundup!

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Want to read the Fourth-Of-July-themed roundup? Click here!

Our donut shop has several versions of our bismark with different fillings and frostings. A woman comes in and stands staring at the case for several minutes.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Um… yeah. What are these?”

The customer points vaguely at one end of the case.

Me: “You mean the bismarcks? We have cherry, lemon, Bavarian cream—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “No, like, what are they?”

Me: “Well, like I said, we have various fillings—”

Customer: *Cutting in again* “No, like… what do they mean?!”

Me: “‘Bismark’ is German for ‘round.’”

Customer: “Oh! Well, that makes perfect sense, then. I’ll take two of the lemon ones.”