Reading Aloud Shouldn’t Be Allowed

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

Customer: “I’d like to buy a dozen donuts.”

Me: “Sure! What kind would you like?”

Customer: “What kind do you have?”

Me: “Sir, all of our donuts are on display behind me, with labels in front of them. You can have a look, and tell me what you would like.”

Customer: “I can read! I want you to tell me what kind of donuts you sell! That’s your job!”

(I turn around, and proceed to read each label aloud. My coworker at the ice cream counter watches and snickers. The man waits until I have read every label, and then makes his selections.)

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Do you have muffins?”

(I gesture to the shelves full of muffins.)

Me: “Yes, we have a variety of muffins.”

Customer: “What kind?”

(My coworker chokes with laughter. I turn around again, and read the muffin labels. When I finish, the man selects two muffins.)

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “I think I’ll have some ice cream, too.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll ring up your items here, and then you can go and make your selections at the ice cream counter.”

(The man completes his order, then goes over to the ice cream section. My coworker is still giggling with his back to the counter, and hasn’t seen the customer yet.)

Customer: “What kind of ice cream do you have?”

Coworker: *stops giggling*

They’re Talking Babel

| Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Religion, Top

(I am a customer in line behind one man and one woman. The employees at this shop all have fairly heavy accents, but speak perfectly understandable English. However, they do converse amongst themselves in Spanish.)

Female Customer: *turns around* “What is the matter with these people? Why the h*** can’t they just speak English the way God intended?”

(The other customer and I raise our eyebrows at each other.)

Male Customer: “What makes you think God intended people to speak English?

Female Customer: “Well, the Bible is in English, duh!”

Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(This happens around Easter. A man in an Easter Bunny suit comes riding a unicycle into the parking lot and enters the shop.)

Me: “Hey there, Easter Bunny!”

Easter Bunny: “Donuts? Sick! I’ll have three strawberry, three cherry, and three blueberry, glazed, and with frosting and sprinkles!”

Me: *hands him the bag* “Anything else?”

Easter Bunny: “Nah! Donuts! Sick!”

(The Easter Bunny suddenly SLAMS his head on the counter, which would have been quite painful if not for the headpiece on his costume. An egg rolls out seemingly from nowhere and onto the counter. He walks out without another word, hops onto his unicycle and rides off. The egg contained exact change—plus a labeled five dollar tip!)

Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

| Manila, Philippines | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

(Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

(The caller gets back on the phone.)

Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

Me: “Um, alright, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

| Lufkin, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A man calls to check on a cake he’d ordered, but things just go downhill from there.)

Customer: “I’d like to check on the cake I ordered for graduation.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [donut shop]. We don’t make cakes; we only make donuts.”

Customer: “I ordered the cake two weeks ago and I want to know if it will be ready.”

Me: “I can’t help you with that because we don’t make cakes here. We only make donuts.”

Customer: “Is this [donut shop]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “Well, I know that’s where I ordered my cake, and I want to know if it will be ready.”

Me: “I can’t help you with that because you didn’t order a cake here. We don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

Customer: “Are you near [chain grocery store]?”

Me: “Yes, there’s one near us.”

Customer: “Then that proves I ordered the cake there because it was right near [chain grocery store].”

Me: “You may have been somewhere near [chain grocery store], but you couldn’t have been here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts. We don’t even have an oven except for a small microwave oven. Everything here is deep-fried, so we have no way to make cakes even if we want to.”

Customer: “Well, where did I order my cake then, if I didn’t order it from you?!”

Me: “I don’t know where you ordered your cake, but I do know that you didn’t order it here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

Customer: “Whatever, you are incompetent! I’m never ordering cakes from you guys ever again!” *click*

Related:
The Cake Is A Lie