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To Protect And To Steal

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a donut shop in lower Manhattan. A clearly homeless guy in a police uniform walks in holding clearly a fake gun.)

Homeless Man: “Give me all your money! This is police business!”

(I slowly start filling a bag with money, but before I do so, my coworker calls the police. Eventually, the police arrive, and as they do the homeless man begins to pretend to be a police officer trying to find the suspect.)

Homeless Man: *groaning* “Now where’d that man go. He must be gone. Too bad.”

(He ended up getting arrested and turned out to be a former police officer trying to find some cash.)

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Go Nuts For Donuts

| Macomb, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I just started at a local donut shop. My manager gets an angry call from a customer about how she didn’t like her donuts. She turns to me and says the customer will be in for a new dozen and to not charge her.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m here for my free donuts.”

Me: “Yes, I have them right here.” *hands box*

(The customer opens the box.)

Customer: “No! You messed up again.” *rolls eyes* “I asked for an assorted dozen and you gave me crunchy ones! How am I supposed to eat these?”

(The coworker walks over to help.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you asked for an assorted dozen. We gave you random donuts that are most popular. It’s not our fault if you wanted specific ones and didn’t tell us.”

Customer’s Friend: “I work at [Same Shop] and corporate would be very upset if they knew how many donuts you had left!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we are privately owned. Our donut order was cut in half since our donut maker is in the hospital this morning.”

Coworker: “You came in on a Saturday, our busiest donut day, at seven pm. We don’t have many donuts left…”

Customer: “You f***** b****! Oh, my god! I want my donuts. Get your manager. You’re getting in trouble!”

(The stupid customer was awarded another free batch of donuts and a drink. The customer comes in next week.)

Customer: “I was going to punch [Coworker] straight in the face but I didn’t want to go to jail! She’s lucky! IS SHE FIRED YET?!”

Me: “No, ma’am…”

(I literally hate this customer.)

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Criminals Shouldn’t Like It Too Hot

, | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a very popular donut shop and work alone to close at 10 pm. It is 9:55 pm Sunday night and I have had a very crabby day. The floor is freshly mopped with wet floor sign out, half the lights are out, the back of the restaurant is dark, all the leftover donuts moved to a rolling rack. Obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that the store is getting ready to close.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: *looks around for a good 2 minutes* “Yeah, ugh, can I get some HOT glazed donuts?”

(I proceed to reach for the glazed donuts on the rack.)

Customer: “No! I said the hot ones!”

Me: “Sir, it is closing time and we will not have any more made until 6:00 am. If you like there is a microwave behind you to wa—”

Customer: “No, you stupid b****! Get your lazy a** back there and make me my donuts!”

(I flip the switch to turn the lights on in the kitchen behind me.)

Me: “You see all that equipment back there? The industrial sized mixers, donut cutters the size of the interior of a Buick, and conveyor belt oven and glazer that takes up half the kitchen? You really think I am going to go back there and turn all that on to make you two hot glazed donuts?!”

Customer: “Yeah, b****! You want me to come over that counter and MAKE you?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; store is closed. I need you to leave so I can lock the doors.”

(What the customer didn’t know is during his threatening rant, the officer that came most nights for his night shift, usually earlier but was late that night, heard the whole exchange. Right before he crawled over the counter the officer grabbed him. Guy ended up having priors for assault and had a warrant for his arrest.)

Trying To Milk Some Tomorrow Out Of Today

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(The lady in line in front of me is making a complaint to a confused cashier. The lady is complaining about the milk her grandson got with his breakfast meal. Her husband is sitting at a table nearby with her grandson lying on top of the table holding his stomach and moaning.)

Lady: *slams the EMPTY milk bottle on the counter* “Do you people know how to read dates? This milk is expired and now my grandson is sick! This is your fault. If I have to take him to the ER, I’m sending the bill to you!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You said the milk was expired? I checked it myself.”

Lady: “Well, you obviously don’t know what today’s date is then, idiot. Manager, now!”

Cashier: *literally running from the register* “Yes, ma’am!”

Lady: *turns to me* “These morons can’t get anything right. And they want $15 an hour!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Lady: “That idiot gave my grandson expired milk. I demand all of my money back and I’m sending the ER bill here. It is obvious my grandson has food poisoning!”

Manager: *in a patient and calm tone* “Ma’am, what is today’s date?”

Lady: “You don’t know the date either? Morons leading morons! It is [today’s date].”

Manager: “And what’s the date on that milk?”

Lady: “It says [tomorrow’s date]. See, it is expired! It smelled bad and had chunks in it. My grandson is so sick. I demand my money back now. Hurry up so I can take him to the hospital.”

Manager: “Yeah, not going to happen. You don’t get to insult my cashier or me when you are the one that can’t figure out that tomorrow comes AFTER today. The milk doesn’t expire until tomorrow, meaning it is still good today. Your grandson drank all of it so it couldn’t have had a strange smell or texture. And your grandson is likely sick from the three doughnuts you let him eat in addition to the croissant and hash browns. Get out.”

(The lady is literally dragged out of the store by her husband who is also dragging their grandson by his coat.)

Me: “Wow. Some people just suck. Don’t worry, not everyone is an a**hole.”

(I dropped $1 in the tip jar immediately and was as kind as possible to the terrified cashier. When the manager handed me my meal, I found a note saying “Thanks for not being an a**-hole!” with an extra doughnut in the bag.)

Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 4

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We have two doughnuts that look the same but are filled with different fillings. The only way to tell is to look at the holes where the fillings are put in.)

Customer: “I’ll have the choc iced cream, and she’ll have the choc iced custard.”

Me: *holds up doughnut so she can see the filling* “Okay, the choc iced cream is white in the middle and the—”

Customer: “Why is it white?”

Customer’s Daughter: “It’s cream. You wanted the cream one. I’m getting custard.”

Customer: “Oh, it has cream in the middle?”

Customer’s Daughter: “You asked for the cream one.”

Customer: “I just wanted a plain one. It didn’t say that the choc iced cream had anything in it!”

Related:
Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 3
Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2
Not The Cream Of The Crop

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