Hats Off To The Dog’s Eating Habits

, , , | Right | August 31, 2017

(I work in a doggy daycare where we have three separate playrooms for group playtime, with the dogs separated by size into small and big play areas. We also all carry walkie-talkies, in case whoever is supervising playtime needs anything. I am in the small playtime area and a coworker is in the big one when this happens:)

Coworker: *over walkie-talkie* “Um… is [Dog]’s dad Jewish?”

(I immediately grab my walkie and put it to my ear to hear the rest of this.)

Senior Associate: *confused* “Yeah…why?”

Coworker: “Well, she just pooped out a yarmulke…”

(Approximately ten minutes of radio silence follows as everyone lapses into hysterics. From the small playroom I have a clear view into the daycare lobby and main office, and I can see the senior associate, assistant manager, and manager all doubled over laughing. When the laughter eventually subsides, the senior associate goes to the big playroom to check on [Dog], who is totally fine, and collect the yarmulke which, miraculously, is still in one piece. As no one on staff that day is Jewish, no one knows how important a yarmulke is so the management doesn’t feel comfortable throwing it in the garbage and instead puts it into a plastic bag. Later on, when [Dog]’s dad comes to pick her up, everyone immediately congregates in the lobby to watch his reaction. Being a yellow lab, [Dog] is well known for her nutty antics, so her dad just rolls his eyes and smiles when he sees all of us grinning.)

Dog’s Dad: “All right, what did she do this time?”

Senior Associate: *trying desperately to keep a straight face* “Mr. [Last Name] are you… um… are you perhaps missing a yarmulke?”

Dog’s Dad: *surprised* “Yeah, how did you—” *eyes widen in realization* “No…”

Senior Associate: “Well, during camp today, [Dog] kind of…”

Dog’s Dad: “PLEASE don’t tell me she threw up my yarmulke!”

Senior Associate: “I can honestly say she did not throw up the yarmulke.”

Dog’s Dad: *confused for a moment, then eyes bulging in horror* “NO…”

Senior Associate: “Well, it’s still in one piece and we saved it in a bag in case you—”

Dog’s Dad: *shaking his head* “NO.”

Senior Associate: “Okay, well, is there a special way to dispose of—”

Dog’s Dad: “NO.”

([Dog], of course, couldn’t care less about any of this as her dad, still shaking his head, pays for the day and starts to leave.)

Dog’s Dad: “[Dog], I cannot BELIEVE you!”

Me: “Well, you gotta figure God has a sense of humor.”

([Dog’s Dad]’s head whips up to stare at me for a moment before he bursts out laughing.)

Dog’s Dad: “You know what? You’re right. And ‘dog’ is ‘God’ spelled backwards; they are His most beloved creatures.”

Me: “And besides, the threads could’ve tangled up her intestines really badly. At least she’s okay.”

Dog’s Dad: *still smiling* “You’re right. I’m just grateful she’s okay. But seriously, [Dog], give me a break!”

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Doesn’t Give A Shed

| Working | November 18, 2016

(I’m at the front desk to check out a regular customer who has a Kuvasz, a very large and furry white dog, of which I am very fond. The owner and I have spoken on several occasions. At the time it is changing from summer to fall and the dogs are shedding quite a bit. Keep in mind I have a pretty thick New England accent.)

Owner: “How did everything go today with Indigo?”

Me: “Oh, very well! Of course, she was shedding all over the place!”

Owner: *furrows brow* “She… she pooped all over?”

Me: *realizing my own accent* “SHED. SHED-DING. Like her hair’s coming out!”

(We shared a laugh about it, but I was so embarrassed!)

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A New Pet Hate

| Working | May 8, 2015

(I work at a pet-boarding facility that also offers grooming and daycare. As a kennel worker, we had first, second, third (janitorial shift), and a daycare shift. I am currently about 20 minutes from the end of my daycare shift that day and my coworker is already there for second shift where it is her responsibility to clean the walls of the daycare area, and third shift sweeps and mops when they arrive. All the tasks for my shift have been completed and I’m now killing time by helping out my coworker and cleaning one of our potty rooms.)

Manager: “[My Name]! [My Name]!”

(My manager finds me, pooper scooper in hand, cleaning.)

Manager: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Cleaning the front potty room for [Coworker].”

Manager: “Well, can you clean the walls in daycare? The dogs somehow got poop on them; they need to be scrubbed really well. And sweep and mop the floors, too.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I proceed to finish what I’m doing and head out to daycare with a scrub brush and a bucket of soapy water and scrub the walls perfectly clean, which was a chore. I then notice it’s time for my shift to end and head to the front to clock out, assuming my manager wouldn’t mind and had only asked me to do those tasks to fill time, since they aren’t my responsibility on my shift.)

Me: “Can I go home now? I finished the walls but didn’t get around to the floors; sorry about that.”

Manager: “Yeah, I guess so, but I’m going to have to write you up.”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Manager: “You didn’t finish all your tasks.”

Me: “But I did! All my tasks for my shift are done. Cleaning the walls is second shift’s job and sweeping and mopping is third shift’s. I know because I’ve worked all those shifts!”

Manager: “Well, I’m still going to have to write you up.”

(Needless to say, I quit not long after this. Along with the manager having no idea what the shift duties were and never keeping cleaning supplies stocked, she also lost customer information and showed up drunk multiple times, including my last day when I was training my replacement. It’s amazing to me that they’re still in business.)

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Every Dog Has Its Christmas Day

| Working | December 16, 2013

(I work at a kennel, where people board their dogs while they’re on vacation. Everyone is very laid-back which makes the job more fun. My boss, coworker, and I are going over the holiday schedule.)

Boss: “I’m really sorry to say it, but you two ladies are going to have to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. [Coworker] is going on a family vacation. I do have good news, though! All you have to do is come in, let the dogs out, feed them, and clean. You can go home right after that because we’ll be closed. Plus, you will get time and a half. I do need both of you, since we’re booked solid. So, please make sure you’re on time.”

Me: “No problemo, boss lady.”

(My coworker and I step outside to clean up a bit.)

Coworker: “Why did you tell her that that was fine?! That’s f****** bull-s***! I am NOT working on Christmas!”

Me: “Well, someone has to. And I’ll be there, too. I doubt we’ll be here more than a couple hours. Plus, we get time and a half! And at least we won’t have to deal with clients. Since we’re closed we should get everything done extra fast.”

Coworker: “If we’re closed, why the f*** do we have to come in?”

Me: “Uhh… It’s our job to take care of these dogs.”

Coworker: “That’s r******d!”

Me: “Are you telling me that if it was up to you, you’d give your employees the day off? These dogs would sit in their crap all day, since no one will be here to clean up after them. You would let the dogs go hungry for a day because you don’t want to work?”

Coworker: “Dude, it’s ONE day!”

Me: “But people pay a lot of money to board their dogs! If they didn’t want their dog taken care of, they would save their money and neglect their dog. You’re saying people should pay us to neglect their dogs for them!”

Coworker: “Whatever. I’m going home.”

(After my coworker left I told my boss what had happened. She ended up talking to my coworker for over an hour, trying to explain why her logic was flawed. My coworker was fired a couple days later for being rude to a client. My boss ended up working with me on Christmas, which was extremely appreciated; plus she gave me a large Christmas bonus. At least my idiot coworker didn’t have to work Christmas!)

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Time To Tail The Knot

| Right | August 27, 2012

(At the kennel where I’m the receptionist, we offer a discount if two dogs can share the same run.)

Customer: “Can you tell me your pricing?”

Me: “Sure, it’s [price] per dog per night, unless you have two dogs who can share a run. You’re just looking for a single?”

Customer: *completely serious* “Yes, my dog’s not married.”

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