Zombies Need Healthcare Too

| South Bend, IN, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

(I am on the phone.)

Me: “Dermatology, how may I help you?”

Patient: “Hi, I just had an autopsy done. I’d like to know my results.”

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Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

High Cholesterol, Low IQ

| Traverse City, MI, USA | Health & Body, Politics, Uncategorized

Patient: “We need to schedule a surgery.”

Me: *looking over the patient’s chart* “Surgery? For what, ma’am?”

Patient: “The doctor said I had high cholesterol. And I want him to go in and cut it out. Take it all, I say.”

Me: “He can’t just go in and remove the cholesterol. There are ways that you can lower your cholesterol.”

Patient: “Don’t lie to me. There’s cholesterol free food. I’ve seen it. Someone has to go into the food and take it out, now don’t they? You just don’t want me to use my free health care. You probably voted for McCain!”

Me: “Let me see if I can reach the doctor.”

Paperwork Doesn’t Take A Huge Leap (Year)

| Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you some paperwork to fill out.”

Patient: “Paperwork? Again? I fill it out every single time I come here!”

Me: “Well, it looks to me as if the last time you were seen here was over four years ago.”

Patient: “So what? Nothing has changed since then!”

Me: “Alright. So, do you still have [type of medical insurance]?”

Patient: “Oh, no. I uh, switched insurances. Oh, and I moved too.”

Me: “So there have been some changes in the last four years? Then you’ll need to update your paperwork.”

Patient: *snatches papers from my hand* “Well obviously things have changed. It’s been four whole years since I’ve been here, you know!”