Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”

Customer: “I want to cancel my ex-husband’s policy.”

Me: “Are you on the policy with him?”

Customer: “No, but his new girlfriend is. That’s why I’d like it canceled.”

Me: “You can’t cancel a policy that isn’t yours.”

Customer: “Why not?! It used to be my policy!”

Me: “Well, because you no longer have authorization to make such a change.”

Customer: “Well, he didn’t have authorization to bring that b**** into my house, but he did it anyway. I’m pretty sure you can cancel his policy.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure you need to see a therapist. Thanks for calling.”