They’ll Be ‘Fin’ Without It

| Friendly | November 12, 2015

(I’m from Finland and we’re on vacation in Australia. We’re going for this ‘introductory dive’ thing for people who don’t have diving experience. There’s first a half an hour crash course to using the equipment and then a half an hour dive with a dive master. You’re hooked to the dive master throughout the whole dive. There’s about 15 of us on this dive, everyone doing this for the first time. We’re all from different countries. This happens during the crash course.)

Instructor: “Here are the wetsuits, and there are the insulation suits with longer sleeves and legs. Put the insulation suit first and then the wetsuit on top. We’re going for a depth of about 10 meters so it’s gonna be colder there.”

(I’m not convinced that I’ll need the insulation suit since the waters really seem almost too warm. The wetsuit has sleeves to elbows and legs to knees, insulation suit to wrists and ankles.)

Me: “I’m not sure I want the insulation suit. How warm or cold is the water at 10 meters deep?”

Instructor: “It’s really quite cold already, something like 22 Celsius. It’s like that little pond there.”

Me: *I already know I don’t need the insulation suit, but just to make sure I check the pool temperature with my feet* “Okay, I don’t need the insulation suit. I’ll just take the wet suit.”

Instructor: “You’re gonna be in the water for 30 minutes. Are you really sure you don’t want it?”

Me: “I’m sure; the water’s almost too warm.”

Instructor: *goes through his papers* “Oh, now I understand. You’re from Finland! I wouldn’t give you one; you’d be cooked alive in it!”

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Try To Ketchup When You’re Walkie-ing

| Working | August 3, 2015

(I work at a fairly popular freshwater diving facility situated in a flooded quarry. I recently asked my friend to get me a cheeseburger since he was going to the snack stand on the other side of the park anyway. We use walkie-talkies to communicate, and they are all on the same channel.)

Coworker: *over walkie* “[My Name], come in. [My Name].”

Me: *thinking he had an issue on the way there I need to help with* “This is [My Name]. What do you need?”

Coworker: “Do you… uh… do you want ketchup on your burger?”

(I pause for a good 10 seconds because I’m aware that every employee in the park, including all three of my managers, as well as the company owner, can probably hear this.)

Me: *awkwardly* “Uh… yeah sure. Just a bit.”

(Suddenly, one of my managers cuts in. Thankfully he’s pretty laid back.)

Manager: “…Are you two seriously coordinating food orders over your walkies?”

Coworker: “Well, I’m not going to walk all the way back to talk to [My Name]. It’s hot out.”

Manager: “Eh, fair enough. I’m at the changing rooms. Can you bring me a soda on your way back? I’m thirsty.”

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