I stopped at a local diner that had been there forever. I hadn’t eaten there myself — it was on the opposite side of town — but I’d heard great things about their sandwiches. As it was three in the afternoon and between rushes, I didn’t take the dining room being empty as a bad sign, especially considering their bar was full, but maybe I should’ve.

The first waitress, a blonde woman, disappeared after seating me. I knew she was a waitress and not a hostess because while she was grabbing a menu for me, she asked if I’d seen the host and grumbled about having to seat people. She made it through offering me a drink and then vanished off the face of the planet.

Twenty minutes later, a second waitress — a redhead this time — stopped by.

Waitress #2: “In the future, you should wait for the hostess and not seat yourself.”

Me: “I didn’t seat myself; a tall, blonde waitress seated me. I’ve been waiting about twenty minutes for her to come back and take my order.”

Waitress #2: “Oh, I’m sorry! I can take your order.”

She did so, and then she vanished into the same black hole the first one had.

Around forty minutes after being seated, I still didn’t have any coffee, so I flagged down a passing busboy. He didn’t know where the waitresses had gone, either, but he brought me a pot of coffee and a mug.

After an hour, I was sick of waiting, so I walked over to the only employee I had seen in quite some time, the bartender. He apologized, offered me a drink on the house (a decent whiskey sour), and said he’d have someone right out.

It didn’t take long. There was shouting from the kitchen and [Waitress #1] emerged… to present me with my check.

Me: “I’m sorry, but where’s my food?”

Waitress #1: “Your food?”

Me: “I ordered a Reuben and fries. I’m still waiting for them.”

Waitress #1: “[Name] brought those to you with your coffee.”

Me: “A busboy brought me the coffee. And if you mean the redhead, I haven’t seen her since she took my order over forty minutes ago.”

She made a face at me and stomped off to the kitchen, and I took the time to look at my check. I was charged $1.65 for coffee, $7.95 for a Reuben, $2.95 for a side of fries, and $24 for “Miscellaneous” and “Liquor”. And they had added 25% of automatic gratuity!

LOL.

I gave up, plunked $1.65 in the smallest loose change I had down on the table, and walked across the parking lot to a fast food place.

I have a small diner in central Kansas. The kitchen is visible from the dining area. One afternoon, I got an order for a patty melt. I threw the burger on, and I knew I had a few minutes before I had to flip it, so I ran to the restroom real quick, as I really had to go.

I opened the door, and the lady who ordered the patty melt was standing in the doorway, blocking my exit.

Customer: “Aren’t you supposed to be cooking my patty melt?!”

Me: “It’s not going to cook any faster if I stare at it.”

I work in a small restaurant in South Dakota. The place is profitable — barely — but the building is old and in poor repair.

One day, the fire extinguisher falls out of its designated slot in the wall overnight. We find it on the floor in the morning. The manager grumbles and puts it back in place, only for it to immediately fall out again.

Inspection shows that the bits that are supposed to hold the extinguisher in place are bent and broken. Grumbling some more, the manager fetches some duct tape and tapes it back into place.

I attempt to point out that’s probably a bad idea and almost certainly is not compliant with local safety regulations, but the manager says it’s just temporary until he can get someone out to fix it.

As you can probably predict, no one ever comes out to fix it. Eventually, the tape wears out, and the extinguisher falls again. The manager replaces the tape.

Over the course of about five years, this happens three times. Finally, during a business rush, a waiter accidentally bumps the extinguisher, knocking it down, and it explodes.

White powder goes flying everywhere. It fills up the kitchen. It fills up the dining area. We’re all coughing and choking on the powder. One of the cooks steadies himself against the grill, burning the skin on his hand badly. I’m not entirely sure how he is able to hold on to the grill for such a long period of time while in so much pain, but he basically burns completely through the skin on the palm of his hand.

We have to shut down for the day to clean up, which becomes three days, which becomes a week. Then, the owners announce that they are closing for good.

All because of one idiot decision about a fire extinguisher.

It is Christmas Day, and our little diner is open for breakfast only. The staff and I are very much looking forward to closing at 11:00 am to go be with our families.

A woman bustles in at around 10:30 am with her four children.

Customer: “Thank God, you’re open! Everywhere else is closed!”

Me: “Well, that’s Christmas Day for you!”

Customer: “Yes, yes, it’s ridiculous. It’s very inconvenient! My kids will tell you what they want. I’ll be outside making a call.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. Please note that we close at 11:00 today, so you might want to order your food now, too.”

Customer: “Whatever. Just coffee for me. Kids, tell her what you want, but no desserts!”

The kids are polite and have bought coloring books and the like, so they’re no problem at all in their booth while their mother is outside on the phone. We close at 11:00 and she is still out there on the phone! At 11:15 am, we have cleaned up the rest of the place and I go outside.

Me: *Politely* “Ma’am, we’re now closed. You’ll need to settle your bill and collect your children.”

She actually holds her hand up to me as I talk, as my request is obviously not as important as whatever she is talking about. I’m about to repeat my request more sternly, but then I overhear a snippet of her conversation.

Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I was supposed to come in yesterday, but my d*** ex dropped off the kids! He was supposed to have them for Christmas, but his mom had to go and get sick or some stupid s*** like that.”

Me: “Ma’am, I—”

Customer: *Glaring at me* “I am trying to get my eyebrow appointment rescheduled to today! Do you know how hard it is to get your eyebrows done on Christmas Day?!”

Me: “I’m sure, ma’am, but the fact remains that we are now closed. You need to settle your bill and collect your children.”

Customer: “God! Five more minutes!”

Me: “Ma’am, in five minutes, I will serve all your children extra-sugary desserts, enough to make them extra energetic for the rest of the day.”

Customer: *Glaring giving way to shock* “Ugh! Fine!”

She finally paid and corralled her kids out of the diner. She came back the next day when our hours were back to normal. Her eyebrows were the same.

I work in a diner, and I am finishing up with a customer who has been generally polite so far.

Me: “Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “No, all set.”

He places a $20 bill on the plate. The meal was $17.40, so I assume that the rest is a tip. He sees me place the money into my apron pocket and starts frowning when I stay still and watch him.

Customer: “No, you give me my change.”

Me: “Oh, sorry.”

He reaches out for my pocket and just about places his fingers inside, but I move away. I tell him that I will get the manager, as the customer simply picks up the menu again. I do not think anything of this, but when I start talking to the manager, I hear the sounds of plates smashing onto the floor.

My manager and I come out to see the customer casually walking toward the door, leaving a pile of food and plates from someone else’s table all over the floor.

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “Those dishes that ended up on the floor should cost about $20, shouldn’t they? Consider this a lesson, you f****** thieves.”

I talk to the group that the customer had walked up to. It turns out that the customer had walked over to their table, holding the menu. He had looked between the menu and their food for a moment before reaching his arm out and throwing exactly $20 worth of food onto the floor.