Unfiltered Story #122035

, , , | Unfiltered | September 21, 2018

(I am a travler trying to get home after a multi-day interview and the flight I was on had to return to the airport after smoke got into the cabin. We were told to relocate to a new gate to board a different plane and get on our way. A flight at the gate next to us has been grounded due to weather in Philadelphia and they are having passengers get new boarding informarition. I overhear this exchange)

Customer: This is ridiculous. This flight was already delayed. Now look at your ticket and look here, the times have already changed. I don’t care about the weather in Philly. What does that have to do with anything here?

Customer’s Friend: Well they can’t land the plane.

Customer: This is still ridiculous

That Explains The White Gloves

, , , , , | Healthy | July 26, 2018

(I am the strange one in this story. I have just woken up after a colonoscopy and my mind is still a bit fuzzy, but I still don’t know what drove me to do this.)

Doctor: “How do you feel?”

Me: “Are you Mickey Mouse?”

Doctor: “No, I’m not.”

Me: “You’re lying. Hi, Mickey!”

(I feel more awake and realize what I just said.)

Me: “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

Doctor: “That’s okay. That’s not the weirdest thing I’ve heard today.”

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It Was All Gouda The First Time

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2018

(After handing an order — a sandwich with cheese — out the drive-through window, I walk away. The customer starts banging on the window and yelling for me to come back. When I return, the customer holds the now-unwrapped sandwich out to me.)

Customer: “There’s no cheese on this sandwich!”

(There is definitely cheese on the sandwich. It is melted, and stringy, and sticking to the wrapper at the sides of the sandwich. I don’t really know how to respond, so…)

Me: “Oh, uh… I’m sorry… about that… let me fix it for you…”

(I take the sandwich back. I walk back to the girl who is making sandwiches. I explain the situation to her, and we both have a bit of a chuckle. Then, I re-wrap the same sandwich and take it back to him. He unwraps it, checking it for cheese.)

Customer: “Ah, you made it right this time. I guess sometimes we all make mistakes, right? Thank you!”

(And with that, he drove off. Yes, sir, sometimes we ALL make mistakes.)

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Your Comedy Routine Is Going South

, , , , , , , | Working | January 22, 2018

(My coworker does very good impressions and while he normally sticks to celebrities, he can do a few accents, too.)

Coworker: *to boss in a southern accent* “Get ya hands off my gun and go to church or I’m gonna tan your hide.”

Boss: “Mhmm.”

Coworker: *still doing a southern drawl* “Naw, listen here, Jimmy. The most important lessons in life is how to shoot a gun and how to get ’em girls pregnant, y’hear?”

(The phone rings and my boss goes into his office to answer it.)

Me: “[Coworker], you know [Boss] is from Georgia, right?”

Coworker: “Georgia… wait, like…?”

Me: “Like the south of the south! You’re basically doing a bad impression of people from his home state.” *sarcastically* “Way to go, buddy.”

Coworker: “No… No! He doesn’t have an accent! How the hell was I supposed to know? Are you sure he’s from Georgia? He has like no accent. He speaks like us!”

Me: “Like us? You mean he speaks English? You need to stop talking. You’re digging yourself into a deeper hole.”

Coworker: “OH, S***! OH, S***!”

(He didn’t get into trouble, since our boss has a very good sense of humour, but [Coworker] sticks to celebrities now.)

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Sure Beats A Shot In The Arm

, , , , , | Related | September 19, 2017

(My father lives in an Alzheimer’s care facility. My youngest sister, who is a nurse and his healthcare contact, gets called that he has fallen and the facility has had him transported to the nearest emergency department. When my sister arrives at the hospital, she’s told that although Dad doesn’t seem to be injured, they have taken x-rays, as he is almost completely nonverbal and the staff wants to be sure there are no injuries. Dad is an Army veteran and sustained several combat wounds during WWII. Battlefield surgery being what it was in 1945, he will go to his grave carrying a few bullet and shell fragments that are still lodged in his arms, legs and torso. My sister is sitting with Dad in the exam room when the duty physician walks in, holding the x-rays and looking puzzled.)

Doctor: “Can you tell me… has your father ever been shot?”

Sister: *matter-of-factly*  “Oh, yes. Lots of times.”

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