Full Of Christmas Jeer

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | December 27, 2016

(It’s Christmas Eve and I’m really tired because I had already been at work there from 9:30 at night to 7 that morning (an hour later than I was supposed to stay) and I am back again at 2 that afternoon, so I am running on no sleep and being kind of bitchy to customers.)

Customer: “Can I see that necklace there? What is that, just a geometric shape?”

Me: “It’s a snake. ”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like snakes and wouldn’t want to get that for me wife since she’s not a fan either. Except for, you know, my snake.”

Me: *begin staring at him with just this look of absolute hatred that screams ‘f*** you’*

Customer: “Okay… so I’ll take the one behind it.”

Lo Money, Mo Problems

| UK | Working | December 26, 2016

(This is my first job and I’m on the tills on my second day. It’s during the Christmas rush, so queues are very long. I’m in the middle of processing a transaction for my customer when the much more experienced cashier at the next till leans over to me.)

Cashier: “I’ve run out of change to give this customer. Give me some out of your till!”

(I look in my drawer, which is also dangerously low on small change, and filled with bigger notes. The phone is broken, so we can’t call a supervisor to refill them, and no one has come by to check on us for quite a while.)

Me: “Uh… won’t my till be short if I give you some?”

Cashier: “Just do it. We can sort it out when the line is lower!”

Me: “I just need to fin—”

My Customer: “No, no, NO! I am your customer, not HER!” *waves angrily at the other cashier’s customer* “YOU serve ME first, understand?! SHE can WAIT!”

(I quietly finished the rest of her transaction, and then gave my coworker the money she wanted for the other customer. We both ran out of smaller cash and had to close one of the tills while the other cashier looked for a supervisor to refill. Angry customers shouted at me for the lack of change, lack of open tills, etc. Then my supervisor came and shouted at me for giving the other cashier the money. Yay, retail.)

Christmas Karma

| Savannah, GA, USA | Working | December 23, 2016

(I am doing some Christmas shopping for my family. I decide to go into the high end store and pick up some very nice items. I work at a local juvenile detention “Boot Camp” as a drill sergeant. Since I’ve just gotten off duty, I am still dressed in my work uniform, which consists of a pair of camo pants, combat boots, and a comfortable shirt under my old jacket. I probably don’t look like I really belong in the store. Wandering around a bit, I find myself having the distinct impression I am being followed. This one employee seems to be always fixing a rack or something every time I stop. Eventually coming to the purses, I pause to pick up a couple to compare and try to figure out what my mother would like. Picking the right purse for my mom, I wander a bit further looking for a place to check out. About halfway through this wandering, I hear someone say “Excuse me, sir?” Looking back I see it’s the lady.)

Me: “You can check me out? I’d like to get this.”

Woman: “You can’t afford that.”

Me: “Huh? What makes you think that? I’d like to buy it for my mom for Christmas and—”

Woman: *snatching the purse from my hand* “That’s a likely story. You probably want to steal this and sell it for some crack.”

Me: “Lady, you don’t know me; I’ll give you that. However, don’t judge a person by how they dress.”

(She ignores me and wanders back to the purses area while I follow. At this point a gentleman in a suit steps up.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Me: “Putting it mildly. Are you a manager?”

Manager: “I am.”

Woman: “This bum was trying to steal this [expensive] purse!”

Me: “No, I wanted to pay for it. You know, with money?”

Manager: “Sir, looking at you, I can see that you couldn’t afford this. It’s probably best you leave.”

Me: “Looking at me? What, because I’ve got military clothing on?”

Manager: “Sir, are you in the military?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Then you shouldn’t be wearing that. Would you like me to call the police?”

Me: “Call them if you want. I couldn’t care less.”

(The manager then asks me rather politely to come with him, as security escorts me to the back room. I camp out and wait while the guy gives me this rant about how homeless people like me think we can get away with anything, and how he WILL be pressing charges. After five or six minutes, a couple officers come into the room. They look at me, and then back to the manager, and back to me.)

Officer: “Hey, Sarge, what’s up?”

(At this point the manager speaks up.)

Manager: “This homeless person was casing the store and trying to shoplift a five hundred dollar purse. I want him arrested!”

Officer: “Homeless? Uh, Sarge, are you homeless?”

Me: “Not last time I checked.”

Manager: “I want him charged; he’s impersonating a member of the military, too! That’s Stolen Valor!”

Officer: “Sir, you need to really calm down. What makes you think the Sarge here was trying to shoplift?”

Manager: “Because he’s homeless! Why do you keep insisting on calling this bum ‘Sarge’?”

Officer: “Because he’s my boss.”

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Better Give Them A Deal Quickly

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | December 23, 2016

(I am working in a busy department store at Christmas less than a week out. I am instructed to take a phone call.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was in there Tuesday… No, Wednesday, and my sister was with me and after we got a coffee, we came in and bought 2 DVDs and 2 games. They were on sale, you see, and we were getting them for my nephew, who is eight and loves superheroes. We are going up the coast for Christmas to see him and his family as his dad works in the military and he has recently changed schools…”

(The store is packed busy, people waiting, as she tells me every detail of her life.)

Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I need to know the games I bought and what the original price was.”

Me: “Okay, what games were they?”

Customer: “A superhero one and an army one.”

Me: “I will need to know the exact games to let you know the price.” *I go on to suggest some recent titles that they might be*

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. How much are games these days?”

(I explain they range in price but new releases $60-$80 on average.)

Customer: “I just want to know the original price because that’s more than I paid. Do you think I got a good deal on the ones I purchased?”

Me: “Perhaps you could look at you receipt and let me know what you purchased?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I think you got a wonderful deal. Have a nice Xmas.”

Customer: “But I didn’t tell you what ones I bought?”

Me: “Have a nice Christmas, ma’am…”

Just Appease The Old Bag

| MD, USA | Right | December 14, 2016

(A woman comes to my counter with a floor length, formal dress. I ring her up with the dress hanging on a hook. Then I start to slide the dress into a garment bag with it still hanging.)

Customer: “What’s THAT?”

Me: “We provide garment bags for all our formal purchases.”

Customer: “What’s a garment bag?”

Me: “The bag goes over the whole dress and the hanger so you can keep the dress hanging.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I can’t just carry that around the mall. Give me a regular bag.”

(I pull out a large bag and attempt to fold the dress nicely and put it inside.)

Customer: “What are you doing?! That will make it all wrinkly. I want it in a bag flat.”

(I turn and pick up the same garment bag I had used, slide the dress inside, and hand it to her.)

Customer: “See? Was that so hard?”

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