Lock, In Stock, And Bullheaded

| Sudbury, ON, Canada | Working | February 10, 2013

Me: “Excuse me? Can you tell me where the locks are?”

Sales Associate: “We don’t have locks here.”

Me: “Really? None at all?”

Sales Associate: “No.”

Me: “Can you check?”

Sales Associate: “We don’t sell locks here!”

Me: “Alright. Thanks, I guess…”

(After a few minutes, I manage to find some locks and return to the sales associate.)

Me: “I found them hanging by the coloured duct tape, just so you’re aware for next time.”

Sales Associate: “No! We don’t sell any locks!”

Me: “…”

Licenseless Meets Senseless

| Fort Smith, AR, USA | Working | February 5, 2013

(I cannot find my driver’s license, so I call the last store I used it at to see if they have found it. After 10 minutes on hold, a lady returns and says they have it and I can pick it up at the service desk. This takes place once I get to the service desk.)

Me: “Hi, I called about my lost driver’s license earlier; I’m here to pick it up. My name is [name].”

Clerk: “Okay, let me go get it…”

(The clerk leaves for a few minutes before returning with a license.)

Clerk: “Here you go.”

Me: “Um… this isn’t my license.”

Clerk: “Are you sure?”

(Note: I’m a 5’2″ 135 pound white female.)

Me: “Ma’am, this license belongs to a 6’9″ 265 pound black male…”

Treading Softly On A Hard Argument

| Australia | Right | January 30, 2013

(I am helping in the pillows department. I have been showing a customer some soft polyester pillows, as she seems to like them.)

Customer #1: “Hmm, what’s that one over there? It looks nice.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a memory foam pillow. It’s quite a bit firmer than the one you’re looking at there. Here, you can feel it.”

Customer #1: *squeezes pillow* “Oh, yuck! As if anyone could sleep on that, it’s like a brick!”

(She continues in this vein for some time, until I show her some feather ones and leave her to browse them. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “I’m looking for the cheapest pillows you’ve got!”

Me: “Okay, well we have this twin pack of polyester pillows over here for $10!”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a good price.” *squeezes pillows* “Eww, they’re way too soft! I could never sleep on that, there’s no support in them!”

Me: “In that case, you would probably like a memory foam or latex pillow.”

(I spend some time showing her the harder kinds of pillows. Suddenly I notice that Customer #1 is standing in front of me looking very disapproving.)

Customer #1: “You told me that a soft one would be better!”

Customer #2: “Well, she told me that hard ones are better!”

(They glare at each other for a few seconds, then both turn on me.)

Customer #2: “Which ones are really better?”

Me: “Uh, well neither kind is better than the other. A lot of people like polyester and feather ones because their head sinks in to it and they have a comfortable night’s sleep, plus they’re much cheaper. But some people need more support, especially if they have a back or neck problem. A lot of chiropractors suggest memory foam and latex pillows for that.”

Customer #1: “Oh, yeah? Well I bet you have these ones on your bed because they’re better!”

Customer #2: “Pfft, yeah right… she would have these ones!”

Customer #1: “Nuh uh!”

Me: *cutting into the nonsense* “Well, actually I have two [brand] memory foam pillows on my bed, and two [brand] polyester pillows on my bed. Sometimes I feel more comfortable with the hard ones, sometimes the soft ones, other times one of each! It means I get to pick and choose each night.”

(The customers both look like they have been hit in the face with one of our gourmet fry-pans. They make eye contact, then silently begin browsing different pillows. Even better: I later saw each of them leave later on, both of them carrying two hard and two soft pillows!)

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Earmark That Sound Advice

| UK | Right | January 24, 2013

(I’m doing a sales pitch to my customers, a husband and wife, and they’re really getting interested. We’re going round all the products. There is good banter going on, jokes etc. However, out of nowhere, an old lady barges between them and grabs my ear.)

Old Lady: “I have been asking you where the toilets are!”

Me: “Please let go of my ear!”

Old Lady: “It’s rude to disrespect your elders! Where are the toilets?!”

Husband: *knocks the old lady’s hand away from my ear*

Old Lady: *to the man* “You assaulted me!”

Husband: “You have no case, and I didn’t hear you asking this young lady about the loos. My wife and I have been talking to her for at least ten minutes.”

Old Lady: “Of course I have a case! You hit me! She saw it!” *points to me*

Husband: “She has a better case against you for assault.”

Old Lady: “No she does not!”

(The husband calmly pulls out a business card and hands it to me.)

Husband: *to me* “I’ll gladly take her to court for you for free.”

(Reading the card I see his name, followed by ‘Head of Legal Advice for [company]’.)

Me: “Thank you!” *to the old lady* “The loos are down that way on the left; follow the signs.”

(I am rubbing ear as the old lady walks off, sulking. I turn to the couple.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that.”

Husband: “No need. Anyway, keep the card, just in case!”

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What A Tool, Part 2

| WA, USA | Right | January 24, 2013

(I work for a large department store known for selling tools and hardware under their own brand. They have a lifetime guarantee on tools of this brand, and will exchange any broken or defective tool at any time. I am working in the tools department. A customer comes into the store with a whole lot of tools.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to exchange all of my tools for new ones.”

Me:All of your tools? Are they broken?”

Customer: “No, they’re not broken. They’re used. I want new nice looking tools.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we cannot exchange all of your tools just because they’re used. We can only exchange them if they are broken or defective.”

Customer: “But they have a lifetime guarantee! I can exchange them any time I want! And now they’re used, and I just got a new job working for a car dealership, and I want new tools that look nice! You have to exchange these!”

Me: “Sir, are you going to be actually working on cars, or just hanging your tools on your wall?”

Customer: “Get me your manager now!”

(I call my manager, and overhear part of his conversation with the customer.)

Customer: “No, they’re just used. I want new tools that look nice for my new job at a car dealership.”

Manager: “So, are you actually going to work on cars with your tools, or just hang them on the wall?”

Customer: *leaves in a huff*

 

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