A customer with a heavy foreign accent is looking for something while the store is under remodel. I’m working one side of a two-sided self-checkout.

Customer: “Excuse me. Where are the corndogs?”

The accent is heavy but I hear “corndogs.”

Me: “Corndogs?”

Customer: “Corndogs” 

I point to the frozen aisle.

Me: “They’re on aisle two. Straight that way on the right.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you.”

The customer goes down to aisle two, looks, and shakes his head. He asks two more coworkers. He finally goes to my coworker on the other side of the self-checkout.

Customer: “Corndogs. I need corndogs.”

Coworker: “Corndogs? What are they used for?”

Customer: “For safe sex!”

Coworker: “Condoms! Condoms are over there. Let me show you.”

I work in a higher-end department store and am constantly surprised by questions customers ask and how they behave but to this day this interaction takes the cake for me. 

A woman comes in wanting to get some new pillows. She specifically asks for down pillows. I show her the selection and she finds a type she likes the feel of.

Customer: “What is it made out of?”

Me: “It’s 100% down fill with a polyester blend cover.”

She gives me a look like I’m stupid.

Customer: “Well, I know that, but what is it filled with?”

I am a little confused, but I show her the tag on the pillow.

Me: “It’s filled with 100% down.”

Customer: *Exasperated* “But where is the down from?”

I understand what she’s asking now and double-check the tag.

Me: “Oh! I’m not exactly sure which type of bird they are from.”

Customer: “I can’t just buy it without knowing!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I would be happy to check with my manager, but if they don’t list it on the tag there’s no way to know for sure.”

The customer looks horrified, and then stomps away.

Customer: “Well, I can’t just buy it without knowing! It could be anything! What if it’s from a dog?!” 

I didn’t fully process what she had said before she left but my manager, who was maybe ten feet away, caught it before I did and had to physically turn around so she didn’t laugh in the customer’s face. I got on a second later, blinked from confusion thinking, “Did that really just happen?” and then headed to the back to laugh out loud. 

I had assumed she wanted to know if it was duck or goose, but apparently, no one told her that dogs don’t have feathers.

I am working at a returns desk at a department store. A man comes up to me.

Customer: “I’d like to return these silk boxers because they’re crap and are falling apart.”

It is summertime and the boxers have a holiday print, so he’s had them at least six months. Yuck! Unfortunately, our store bends over for customers, even when they are wrong.

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No. I have my credit card bill from December.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but our return policy is thirty days.”

He flips out and I call for a manager, but they are all in a meeting. When I finally get someone, management says to give him the last sale price on a store credit. The customer isn’t having that.

Customer: “No! I want cash, and at full purchase price!”

After more screaming, I call management again; they say full-value store credit. He loses it even more, to the point where security is now watching him. I call again, and surprise, surprise, they give him a full refund in cash. Before he leaves, he leans over threateningly and says:

Customer: “If I need another return, I am going to make a point to go to you.”

I was left shaking from his yelling and from anger at management who let a minimum-wage employee get screamed at for thirty minutes for a $10 item. To this day, I can’t believe someone was okay with returning used underwear.

It is my last five minutes before I get to go home. I am cashiering.

Me: “Sir, I can take you over on lane seven.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

I go through the transaction just fine and, other than small talk, we don’t really talk.

Me: “All right, sir, you’re all set. Have a great day!” 

I hand him his things.

Customer: “This is actually supposed to be 20% off.”

He is pointing to the small kitchen appliance.

Me: “…”

At this point, there is nothing I can do. If he had told me in the transaction and shown me proof of the deal, I would’ve been able to do it.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there is nothing I can do to give you the discount now.”

Customer: *Irate* “Well, then, return it and give me my d*** discount! And do your job!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I haven’t been trained to do returns. And even if I knew how to do returns, it would be against policy to do it at a register, so you will need to go to customer service.”

The customer just gives me a look, squinting at my name tag.

Customer: “You know what… F*** you, [My Name].”

He grabbed his things and left.

It is thirty years ago or so that I buy some minor household appliance, take it home, unpackage it, and use it. A week or two later, it conks out. I’m pretty handy, but this thing is kaput, beyond anything I’d even attempt to fix! I take it back to the store. They refuse to exchange it because I haven’t brought it back in the box. I am incredulous.

Me: “Do you really expect me to hang onto the box in anticipation of it crapping out on me?”

Employee: “Yes.”

They are ready to end the discussion, but I persist.

Me: “If I had a box for it, would you accept the exchange?”

Employee: “Yes, of course.”

I grabbed a new unit off the shelf, took it out of the box, put the broken one into the box, handed it to them, and left!