Didn’t Head Where Your Head Expected

, , , | Hopeless | June 26, 2017

(I’m a 23-year-old female and have recently got the side of my head tattooed. I have other visible tattoos and piercings, but this is the most extreme. I’m shopping in a department store for something nice to wear to my sister’s wedding. Eventually I notice an elderly female employee watching me. I figure it’s because of the tattoo, but she’s being far from discreet, which makes me a little uncomfortable. I move around the store, browsing, hoping she’ll eventually leave me alone. She watches me like a hawk, which makes me a little annoyed.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not here to steal anything or whatever. I just need some nice clothes for a wedding. It’s making me a little uncomfortable that you’re hovering.”

(Her face goes white, and then she blushes furiously.)

Employee: “Oh, dear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you were stealing. I’ve just never seen a tattoo like that. Can I look?”

(I’m a little taken aback, but pleasantly surprised. I let her look at my tattoo, and she studies it for quite a long time.)

Employee: “It’s lovely. I wish I had had the courage to do something crazy in my youth.” *pats me on my hands* “Don’t change.”

(This was a lovely surprise. She even asked to take a picture to show her grandchildren. I make sure to go back to that department store whenever I need something, and always say hello.)

Living In A La La Land

, , , , , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’m conducting a disciplinary meeting with an employee who has numerous customer complaints, late punches, and missed days. His department head is there as my co-manager.)

Me: “I need you to understand that this meeting is your last warning. If you have any issues over the next month, we will be letting you go. Now, we need to look at these write ups one by one, and you will have a chance to discuss each one, okay?”

Employee: “No!”

Department Head: “Are you putting in your resignation?”

Employee: “No, you’re just doing it wrong! You’re supposed to say two nice things for every bad thing. You said something mean, so now you have to give me two compliments.”

Me: “I’m not saying anything mean; we are just reviewing the facts. Okay, the first write up was from your supervisor, and—”

Employee: “I’m not listening until both of you AND [Supervisor] say something nice!”

Department Head: “Okay, this isn’t the point of a disciplinary meeting—”

Employee: *putting hands over his ears* “LALALA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LALALA! NOT LISTENING! LALALA!”

(This keeps up for a minute while we sit shocked, then I turn and print out and sign the paperwork that terminates the employee. The whole time he has his hands over his ears and is yelling. He finally stops when security arrives.)

Employee: “You can’t fire me yet! You said I’d have a chance to explain my write ups! This isn’t fair!”

Me: *quietly to the department head* “Lalala, not listening.”

Their Business Is Broken

, , , | Working | June 13, 2017

(When I was a kid I was looking through the fishing supplies at a small department store. I noticed one of the relatively expensive fishing rods had the tip broken off. I went to find an employee, and the one I found happened to be a manager.)

Manager: *slightly annoyed* “Yeah, we’ll take care of that.” *takes the rod back to the stockroom*

(Around ten years later I am just browsing and happen to see the very same rod, still broken, for sale at full price. Needless to say they went under a few months later.)

She Sure Knows How To Spardy

| HI, USA | Working | May 30, 2017

(I have a woman come to my register and ask if we can page her friends, since she got separated from them and doesn’t have a cell phone. I call the office.)

Me: “I have a customer trying to find her friends; could you page ‘Ann’s party’ to the women’s section?”

Office: “Okay, sure.”

(Five seconds later:)

Over the PA: “Could customer Ann Spardy return to the women’s department, please? Ann Spardy to the women’s department.”

(The customer thought it was funny. She found her friends eventually, no thanks to us!)

The Guys Who Linger In Lingerie

, , , | Romantic | May 25, 2017

(I am about 16 or 17 working at a low end department store in the lingerie department. I am also tiny, 5’0″ – 110 lbs, and look much younger than my age. A man who looks to be in his 50s or 60s comes in and starts browsing while creepily staring at me. I can feel him staring and notice that he has undone the top few buttons of his shirt. As I am trying to figure out what to do he grabs something off the rack and approaches me holding up a tiny, yellow lace negligee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, you are about the same size as my wife and I was wondering if you could try this on for me so I can see how it’ll look like on my wife.”

Me: “Uh, NO!”

(Cue security escorting him out.)

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