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Using Old Jokes Are No Joke

| Burlington, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Popular

(I am so sick and tired of fake laughing at this same joke. This time I play stupid. I am using a machine to check some bills for authenticity.)

Customer: “Are they good? I just made them this morning!”

Me: *stern, serious look on my face* “You printed these bills yourself?”

Customer: “Uh, no, I… Hehe, it was a joke.”

Me: “You realize printing counterfeit bills is a very serious felony? You could go to jail for 14 years.”

Customer: “Yes, I, uh… but they’re good, right? I was kidding.”

Me: “You’re lucky my machine isn’t showing any signs that they are counterfeit. But you should be more careful next time; it’s not something to joke about.”

(The customer nodded gravely, and left with his purchase and change. I don’t think I’ll be hearing that joke from him again!)

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Closing Time Came Earlier For You

| Solihull, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Popular, Time

(I am on the shop floor with my mum, who has come to meet me on my lunch break. Due to a combination of the hot weather and having skipped breakfast, out of nowhere I faint. My mum puts me in the recovery position and some of my colleagues start to come over to see if I’m OK. Amidst the commotion, a customer comes over, sees my uniform, and bends over to where I am LYING ON THE FLOOR.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what time do you close today?”

Me: *too woozy and shocked to think of another response* “4:30.”

(The customer walked off without even a thank you.)

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Stuck In A Vicious Bicycle

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Popular

(We work in a single-story building. Our store is a little smaller than others of the same chain in the area. I am rearranging the lawnmowers when a woman approaches me.)

Woman: “Excuse me; I can’t seem to find the bicycles.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t carry bicycles in this store. We have a bicycle section with some small things, but you have to go to [Other Location] for actual bikes.”

Woman: “No, your BICYCLES. I need a bicycle.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry them.”

Woman: “YES, you DO!”

Me: “Our other stores do. Our store is too small.”

Woman: “I saw them YESTERDAY. Ugh.”

Me: “Really? Where?”

Woman: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Maybe you were at [Other Location]?”

Woman: “You’re not LISTENING. Just show me the bicycle section.”

(I lead her to the bicycle section where we have a few spare tires, pumps, etc.)

Woman: No, where your BICYCLES ARE.

Me: *frustrated* “OHHH, our BICYCLES! Sorry, I didn’t understand. You are looking for our bicycles, but not at [Other Location]?”

Woman: “YES, FINALLY!”

Me: “The bicycles are upstairs!”

Woman: “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO THE FIRST TIME!?”

(She stormed off. I alerted the rest of our team about the crazy lady and fess up to sending her to our nonexistent upstairs. I got scolded later. Worth it.)