A woman and her children come in five minutes before we close — we close at midnight, and I am beyond exhausted — to return a bunch of pants that didn’t fit her kids. Apparently, I miss a pair of jeans, so I have to go through and rescan the pile to see which one I missed.

Customer: “Just hand me the jeans and I’ll match up the barcodes from the receipt to see which pair you missed.”

Me: “That won’t work; it will just be easier if I go through and scan them all to see which pair pops up that wasn’t previously returned.”

Customer: “No, no. Let me do it so you won’t accidentally miss the pair again.”

Me: “Ma’am, that won’t work. The UPC numbers on the receipt for whatever reason are different from the ones on the actual tag. You will be here for years, and the numbers will never match up. I’ve worked returns here for two years now and I know this, so please, just let me scan.”

She purses her lips and finally just lets me scan through the jeans once more. I toss the various jeans into different piles once I’m sure they are not the missing pair.

Customer: “Honey, let’s all keep the jeans in one pile in case you mess up again. Being tidy and organized would have saved you some trouble in the first place.”

Me: “The jeans are in different piles because they need to be. Some can be put directly on the floor. Some can be marked down and sold as clearance because they are online-only items. The rest are to be sent back to the warehouse. I need to keep them separate so they don’t get all mixed together and things end up where they are not supposed to. Please just let me finish as I only have a few pairs left.”

I finally scanned the missing pair and returned them. We were probably a few minutes past close by then and I was eager to get them to leave. The woman called her daughters to come to join her, and I saw in horror that they had decided to go clothes shopping and not just wander the store, and they each had a huge pile. Because all the other registers had been closed, I had to check her out. Also, because she paid cash, I had to recount my drawer because it had to have the exact number of bills and change in there noted for the cash office.

I was one of the last people to leave the store that night.

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 46
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 45
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 44

It’s a few minutes after we opened, and I’m behind the jewelry counter finishing up inventory. An elderly woman wanders over to the display tables on the other side of the counter, where we have some jewelry made with cheap diamonds and plated silver. She picks up a tennis bracelet, inspects it, and drops it into her purse — as I’m five feet away from her with my clipboard and VERY obviously staring at her. It takes me a second or two to overcome the shock and pull out my customer service voice.

Me: “Would you like to purchase that, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m thinking about it.”

She pats my hand and walks away. By the time I can get Loss Prevention on the phone, she’s left the store. I describe what happened to my coworker when she comes in.

Coworker: “I know her! When I worked in cosmetics, she would always steal the tester bottles of perfume! But LP would never keep track of her when I told them she was here. One of them actually asked me, ‘What’s your beef with this old lady?’ She steals from us; that’s my beef with her!”

Me: “Wow.”

Coworker: “She plays at being confused when I confront her, but I’m betting it’s an act. She only ever takes one thing, always under $100, and she’s been doing this for years. She’s stolen a couple thousand dollars of merchandise by this point.”

My coworker and I update the LP head on our elderly thief and keep a careful eye out for her. She eventually comes in again, and we have LP on the phone the second we see her. We both stand silently staring at her as she wanders past us and up the escalator to the second floor, trailed by the LP head. The second floor is Housewares, so we’re surprised to see her being guided back down the escalator and in the direction of the LP office by the head fifteen minutes later.

Me: “What, did she try to stick a blender in her purse?”

Half an hour later, the LP head comes to our counter, looking amused.

LP Head: “So… we got her on chocolate.”

Me: “Huh?”

LP Head: “She took two bars from one of the empty registers, sat and ate them in the cafe, and then walked back out into the mall. When I stopped her, she acted confused and told me she thought she was still inside our store.”

It was enough to get her trespassed for a year.

I work for a big-name department store. I served an old woman with a large order.

Me: “Is this all one transaction?”

Customer: *Very rudely* “What kind of question is that? Do you see another person with me?”

At this point, I’m cringing because I know this isn’t going to be an easy transaction.

She tries to pass me her bags, but I’m not allowed to pack them, so I place all her items on the end. She starts yelling and screaming about how lazy I am, calls me the worst cashier in the world, and adds some rather personal insults.

Eventually, I look at her and say:

Me: “Look, I’m just following the rules of my job. I’m not allowed to deviate from them in any way. There’s no reason to get personal. Please, leave me alone.”

She seems pretty humiliated after that and simply responds with, “Okay,” and remains silent until the transaction was complete.

Customer: “I’m sorry for my behavior. I was in a bad mood and shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

I’m not sure if she was actually sorry or just embarrassed that I called her out, but I genuinely wish more rude customers would apologize like she did.

In my city, there used to be an annual sporting event that developed into a two-day social party at the stadium. Attendees generally went in costume; there could be prizes for best, most original, best group, etc.

There weren’t that many costume shops in the city, and rental places had a heck of a time because of the state things would be returned in. Our department store had cheaply made costumes in our party section. The general policy was that we wouldn’t take returns, refunds, or exchanges on costumes unless they were faulty and had not been worn; tried on should have been fine, except the number of people that returned “faulty” items that had been damaged because people had bought the wrong size caused problems.

Still, people would try to return costumes as “unworn” when they had clearly been through the wash (frayed edges, colour bleed) or, worse still, reeked of spilt alcohol and body odour. People would even wear them just for the first day and bring them back the morning of the second, hoping to exchange it for something new.

Mostly, our manager stood with us on not taking used costumes back, but enough people complained on social media that the head office ruled that any item could be returned if not fit for purpose within a week of purchase.

Then, they couldn’t understand why our store would take a financial hit from returns and faulty goods every February.

Back in 1987, I worked at a department store, and multiple customers came in after the holidays and had this exchange with me.

Customer: “I’d like to return this item I got as a present.”

I looked up the item.

Me: “This item was purchased on sale, so your refund will be [total].”

Customer: “What?! My [Friend/Family Member] wouldn’t buy me a gift that was on sale!”

These sales were going on since before Thanksgiving that year. Fine, ask the giver to ante up with a receipt, which they would never do.