That Really Grinds My Juicer

, , , , , | Working | July 5, 2018

(I purchase a juicer — the kind where you cut the lemon or orange in half, push one half on the cone, and it turns to press out the juice. I get home to use it and it makes a grinding noise and won’t turn. I paid cash.)

Me: *to cashier* “Hi. I bought this juicer, got it home, and it’s broken. Here is my receipt.”

Cashier: “No problem.”

(The cashier rings in the return, gives me my money, AND THEN PUTS THE BROKEN JUICER IN THE BOX BACK ON THE SHELF!)

Me: “Um… That juicer is broken.”

(The cashier shrugged and went back to work. Now when I return something that is broken in the box, I take a permanent marker and write “BROKEN” all over the box and the merchandise.)

Their Biggest Crime Is Their Stupidity

, , , , | Legal | June 29, 2018

(We’ve taken on quite a bit of seasonal backroom help for the holidays. I’m the store manager, and security calls me one day to let me know they’ve caught one of the temporary employees removing a huge amount of merchandise through the back and loading it into their personal vehicle. They’ve taken the employee to the security room and have called the police, who should be arriving shortly. I arrive to find the employee completely at ease, laughing, as though they aren’t in trouble.)

Employee: “Hey, boss! Can you believe this fuss?”

Me: “I have your termination papers here. We prefer to handle this prior to police.”

Employee: “Whoa, termination? What?”

Me: “You stole from the store; you’re being fired.”

Employee: “Whoa, hey…”

(I ignore the employee, turning to the police officers who have arrived and getting the lengthy list of items the employee stole that security has typed up. The officer’s eyebrows shoot up.)

Officer: “Okay, this is definitely a felony charge here.”

Employee: *eavesdropping* “Whoa, wait, what? Felony. This is impossible.”

Officer: “We’ll need to get some more info from…”

Employee: “Hey! I can’t be fired! I can’t be arrested! It’s impossible to steal from your job.”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Employee: “No, it’s… See, I just sell it somewhere else. It’s the same as the store! I wouldn’t have taken stuff if I knew I’d be arrested and fired.”

Officer: *sighing* “Let’s read you your rights there, Einstein.”

Opening Pandora’s Coupon Box

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2018

(I’m working the service desk counter.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

Me: “All right, what’s that?”

Customer: “Well, I was on self-checkout, and I noticed the machine printed this coupon for the shampoo and conditioner I had just bought. I was wondering if I could have used it.”

Me: “Oh, those coupons are for your next transaction.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the machine prints off coupons based on your shopping history, or what you’re currently going to buy.”

Customer: “So, if I would have noticed it earlier, I could have used it?”

Me: “Well, we can’t stop you, but we’d hope you wouldn’t, since those are meant for your next transaction, not your current one.”

Customer: “But, it printed the coupon during my order!”

Me: “Yeah, but, it’s for your next transaction.”

(She stormed off after that. Maybe this is why we shouldn’t have a self-scan. Too many “self” scammers.)

Some People Have Nothing Better To Do

, , , | Right | June 28, 2018

(I’m working the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi. I bought these [expensive coffee pods by an expensive brand of coffee stores], and I don’t think they put the right product in them. The older box I have has different pods than the new ones, even though they are the same flavor!”

Me: *compares the older package’s dates to the newer ones* “Okay, looks like the older box is dated for August 2016, and the newer ones are dated for October 2016. So, I’m guessing they updated the design on the pods.”

Customer: “But! The newer ones say, ‘Not for individual sale.’ The older ones say something completely different!”

Me: *inspecting them again* “The older ones say, ‘Not for retail sale,’ and yeah, the newer ones say that. But they mean the same thing: just that you can’t sell them individually, is all.”

Customer: “But, why didn’t they change the box, then?!”

Me: “I’m not sure. I guess they just decided to update the look on the pods.”

Customer: “Well, that doesn’t make any sense.”

Me: “I guess they just decided to make it a more simple design for whatever reason. I mean, the newer boxes have an expiration date in October, and your older box is for August, so I’m quite certain it was just a design update.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t believe you, but I guess I’ll find out.”

Let’s Just Inter-Not?

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2018

(My store has an online couponing service. The store credit card is run by a different company and not by the store, so any issues with it must be dealt with by giving customers their phone number.)

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to put my online coupons on this order, but the cashier never asked me for them.”

Me: “No problem. I can give you their phone number or you can put it back on their website.”

Customer: “But I don’t use the Internet!”

(The customer is holding a smartphone, and the only way you can use the couponing service is through the Internet.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous and horrible customer service!”

Are you often annoyed by people? Then you're going to love our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!
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