(A woman approaches the jewelry counter with a watch that was a gift from her husband at Christmas.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to return this watch. It never worked and this is supposed to be a reliable brand.”

(Without a word, I remove the little tab of plastic on the watch dial that prevents the battery from running while on display.)

Customer: “Oh, my god… I drove 45 minutes to get here. I’m so stupid. If you ever see me again here with my husband, you are not to say a word.”

(I am working the self-serve. Note that we have six self-serve stations that are in rows of three each. One side is cash or card, and the other is card only. There are clear signs stating “card only” on the card-only machines, as well as a voice pop-up that states, “No cash available at this register. Card only.” A customer using one of the card-only self-serve stations calls me over.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help?”

Customer: “I put $50 in but the change hasn’t came out. Why?!”

Me: “Whoa, you put cash in this? It’s card only. Didn’t you see the pop-up notice?”

Customer: “Of course I did. But I wanted to pay cash. So I ignored it… Where’s my change?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s card only, meaning no cash… Where did you put the cash? Why didn’t you use the cash-and-card self-serve station?”

Customer: “There!… and this machine was closer.” *points to the receipt chute*

(The customer had inserted the cash into a gap where the receipt comes out. A sign stating “receipt” is next to that gap. She was quite angry as I opened the machine to get the cash out… muttering how stupid it was that the card-only machine had no cash.)

Related
Should Have Cashed Out Early

(I work in a department store. One day I am folding sweaters when an old man with a cane comes and grabs my arm and turns me around.)

Man: “I just woke up from a coma, and I can make you the happiest woman on the planet.”

Me: “Uh. Thank you?” *what am I supposed to tell him?*

(He then follows me around everywhere. He buys a woman’s sweater just so I can check him out. He tells me how rich he is, as he’s buying a clearance sweater for $5. He gives me his phone number and holds the line up for 15 minutes. I repeatedly tell him that I need to assist other customers. He pries and pries.)

Man: “Don’t call me after nine. That’s my bedtime.”

Customer Behind Him: “Guy, she’s not interested. Go away. I need to buy this for my wife.”

(He hobbled off and I gave the other customer a small discount. For the next month this old man came by and tried to find me. I felt like a kid again, hiding behind the displays and in the circle racks. He finally moved onto one of my other coworkers, who I still pray for.)

(This takes place by the movie racks in Electronics.)

Customer: “Do you have any workout DVDs?”

Coworker: “They’re over in Sporting Goods.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too far.”

(At our department store, we have overhead announcements at half-hour, fifteen, ten and five minutes before the store is closing, alerting customers to please bring all final purchases to the registers, etc. We also usually have one of the team leads (TLs) up by the front doors to let people know we’ll be closing soon and to please come back if it’s not a small, urgent purchase. The TL on the job this night is about 6’5″ and around 300 pounds, and this apparently happens at least three times a night whenever he’s given the duty.)

Team Lead: “Sorry, folks, we’re going to be closing soon.”

(He says this with a cheerful smile and a general gesture towards the exit doors; the would-be-customers end up looking TERRIFIED, and bolt out!)

Me: “[Team Lead], you’re not scary looking! Why do they freak out?”

Team Lead: “Apparently they’re not used to having someone that is too big to ignore tell them things!”