A Flying Charm-ing Employee

| USA | Working | September 24, 2016

(I am the customer in this story. I am looking to buy a broom. It should also be noticed that I am a Harry Potter fan.)

Me: “Hi, could you please show me where the brooms are?”

Employee: “Sure! We have some here.”

(He leads me to a section with tons of brooms.)

Me: “Wow, there sure are a lot of options!”

Employee: “That’s right! If you want my advice, take this one. It’s like a Nimbus 2001, and the others are like Nimbus 2000s.”

(I laugh.)

Me: “Do you have any Firebolts?”

Employee: “We do have an excellent broom over here.” *leads me to another section that is empty* “Uh-oh, I think someone left their invisibility cloak over the brooms.”

Me: “That’s fine; I’ll take the Nimbus 2001.”

Employee: “Excellent choice. Happy flying!”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 21

| Vidalia, GA, USA | Right | September 12, 2016

(I work for a small department store chain as a store manager. One night after closing my store, I head out to the local [Big Chain Store] to pick up some things, and I find myself heading in the direction of the pet department. As I near, a lady comes out and grabs my arm, stopping me.)

Woman: “I need help in pets, and there’s no one here.”

Me: “Probably someone over in toys. Just go ask them.”

Woman: “I need HELP.”

Me: “Then ask someone.”

Woman: “What’s your name?”

Me: “None of your business.”

(With that I walk off, leaving the lady fuming and angry. A bit later I am talking to a manager. As I’m doing this, I see the lady come out. She spots me and her face lights up full of anger.)

Woman: “I’m going to get you fired!”

(Turning to the manager she starts ranting on how she asked me for help, and various things, adding that I was rude, and she was going to call [Big Chain Store]’s help line if the manager didn’t fire me on the spot.)

Manager: “Uh… I can’t fire him.”

Woman: “Why the f*** not?” *starts dialing*

(I reach up to my company’s badge, pull it off and extend it in front of the lady’s face.)

Me: “Because I don’t work here. I, like you, am a customer. I’m not bound to help you, and you shouldn’t just assume that everyone in a shirt and tie is a manager.”

(The woman stares at the badge, and then looks to me, before looking back at the manager.)

Woman: “I’m still going to complain.”

Manager: “Yeah, see how well that works out for you. ‘Oh, yes, I was at [Big Chain Store] and asked a customer to help me, and they told me they wouldn’t help me. So I’m complaining about rude customers like myself.’”

(She caved at that point and sulked away.)

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 20
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 19
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 18

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Her Brain Is Out Of Batteries

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | September 12, 2016

(A woman approaches the jewelry counter with a watch that was a gift from her husband at Christmas.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to return this watch. It never worked and this is supposed to be a reliable brand.”

(Without a word, I remove the little tab of plastic on the watch dial that prevents the battery from running while on display.)

Customer: “Oh, my god… I drove 45 minutes to get here. I’m so stupid. If you ever see me again here with my husband, you are not to say a word.”

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Should Have Cashed Out Early, Part 2

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | September 1, 2016

(I am working the self-serve. Note that we have six self-serve stations that are in rows of three each. One side is cash or card, and the other is card only. There are clear signs stating “card only” on the card-only machines, as well as a voice pop-up that states, “No cash available at this register. Card only.” A customer using one of the card-only self-serve stations calls me over.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help?”

Customer: “I put $50 in but the change hasn’t came out. Why?!”

Me: “Whoa, you put cash in this? It’s card only. Didn’t you see the pop-up notice?”

Customer: “Of course I did. But I wanted to pay cash. So I ignored it… Where’s my change?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s card only, meaning no cash… Where did you put the cash? Why didn’t you use the cash-and-card self-serve station?”

Customer: “There!… and this machine was closer.” *points to the receipt chute*

(The customer had inserted the cash into a gap where the receipt comes out. A sign stating “receipt” is next to that gap. She was quite angry as I opened the machine to get the cash out… muttering how stupid it was that the card-only machine had no cash.)

Should Have Cashed Out Early

Comatose Morose

| Salem, OR, USA | Romantic | August 31, 2016

(I work in a department store. One day I am folding sweaters when an old man with a cane comes and grabs my arm and turns me around.)

Man: “I just woke up from a coma, and I can make you the happiest woman on the planet.”

Me: “Uh. Thank you?” *what am I supposed to tell him?*

(He then follows me around everywhere. He buys a woman’s sweater just so I can check him out. He tells me how rich he is, as he’s buying a clearance sweater for $5. He gives me his phone number and holds the line up for 15 minutes. I repeatedly tell him that I need to assist other customers. He pries and pries.)

Man: “Don’t call me after nine. That’s my bedtime.”

Customer Behind Him: “Guy, she’s not interested. Go away. I need to buy this for my wife.”

(He hobbled off and I gave the other customer a small discount. For the next month this old man came by and tried to find me. I felt like a kid again, hiding behind the displays and in the circle racks. He finally moved onto one of my other coworkers, who I still pray for.)

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