I Know Better Than To Work Here

| Blaine, MN, USA | One-Liners, Theme Of The Month

(I’m shopping at the local [Largest Retailer in America] just after leaving work elsewhere. I’m not wearing any clothes that look anything like this company’s uniforms. I’m in the bottled water aisle, looking for a particular brand when this happens.)

Customer: *asks something as though I were an employee*

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.”

(I get a thought just as she’s about to head off…)

Me: “Out of curiosity, what made you think I work here?”

Customer: “You just looked like you knew what you were doing.”

Me: *laughs* “I do, and that’s why I don’t work here.”

Go From Feeling Low To Feeling J-Lo

| Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am checking out a customer and her young son.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

(Meanwhile her little boy is staring at me open mouthed. I figure it’s because I’m a little shorter, not as skinny as his mom, and have thick poofy hair that looks like it belongs to a witch. But I smile at him.)

Me: “Hi!”

Little Boy: *in awe* “Mommy! She’s pretty like Jennifer Lopez!”

Me: *stares back in shock as my heart melts* “Aww! Compliment lying already! You’re going to make your girlfriend very happy when you get older!”

Not So Rewarding, Part 2

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(Every winter my store offers a rewards program for store credit card holders. The program is heavily advertised, especially at the cash wrap. Regardless, this exchange happens at least once a day.)

Me: “I see you’re paying with your [Store credit card]. Have you already enrolled in [rewards program]?”

Customer: *hostile* “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a rewards program that—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want anything to do with that!”

Me: “Okay, your total will be—”

Customer: *suspiciously eyeing rewards program advertisement* “What’s this 10% thing? I want 10%!”

Me: “That’s [rewards program]. That—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want it!”

Related:
Not So Rewarding