Do You See What I Si

| Working | March 19, 2013

Employee: “Oh, this is a good vacuum. You’re really going to like it.”

Me: “Yeah? Cool.”

Employee: “Yeah! And it’s got a lot of silicons! That gives it more strength to pick up stuff!”

Me: “Sili… silicons?”

Employee: *points to the box* “See! This is made with six silicons! So it has more power!”

(I read where the box states how many ‘cyclones’ the vacuum has.)

Me: “Oh, yeah. It’s got a good number of cyclones.”

(The employee gives me an odd look and examines the box again.)

Employee: “It has six SILICONS! The more silicons, the better!”

Me: *giving up* “I… yes, absolutely.”

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The Customer Spent Money But The Child Is Complimentary

| Right | March 7, 2013

(I work at a big box store in the jewellery department. I am usually the only one there during the mornings. I am also seven months pregnant. I am helping a lady pick out a new watch, with her younger old daughter sitting in the cart. This happens just as the lady is about to pay for her item.)

Me: “And here’s your change. Thank you for shopping with us!”

Lady: “Thank you. Good luck with the future baby!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Little Girl: “I bet the baby will be pretty because you are pretty like a princess!”

Me: “Aww, thanks!”

(I couldn’t stop smiling after they left. Little girl made my week! And my baby was the prettiest baby in the hospital when she was born – nurses even thought so!)

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Lock, In Stock, And Bullheaded

| Working | February 10, 2013

Me: “Excuse me? Can you tell me where the locks are?”

Sales Associate: “We don’t have locks here.”

Me: “Really? None at all?”

Sales Associate: “No.”

Me: “Can you check?”

Sales Associate: “We don’t sell locks here!”

Me: “Alright. Thanks, I guess…”

(After a few minutes, I manage to find some locks and return to the sales associate.)

Me: “I found them hanging by the coloured duct tape, just so you’re aware for next time.”

Sales Associate: “No! We don’t sell any locks!”

Me: “…”

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Licenseless Meets Senseless

| Working | February 5, 2013

(I cannot find my driver’s license, so I call the last store I used it at to see if they have found it. After 10 minutes on hold, a lady returns and says they have it and I can pick it up at the service desk. This takes place once I get to the service desk.)

Me: “Hi, I called about my lost driver’s license earlier; I’m here to pick it up. My name is [name].”

Clerk: “Okay, let me go get it…”

(The clerk leaves for a few minutes before returning with a license.)

Clerk: “Here you go.”

Me: “Um… this isn’t my license.”

Clerk: “Are you sure?”

(Note: I’m a 5’2″ 135 pound white female.)

Me: “Ma’am, this license belongs to a 6’9″ 265 pound black male…”

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Treading Softly On A Hard Argument

| Right | January 30, 2013

(I am helping in the pillows department. I have been showing a customer some soft polyester pillows, as she seems to like them.)

Customer #1: “Hmm, what’s that one over there? It looks nice.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a memory foam pillow. It’s quite a bit firmer than the one you’re looking at there. Here, you can feel it.”

Customer #1: *squeezes pillow* “Oh, yuck! As if anyone could sleep on that, it’s like a brick!”

(She continues in this vein for some time, until I show her some feather ones and leave her to browse them. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “I’m looking for the cheapest pillows you’ve got!”

Me: “Okay, well we have this twin pack of polyester pillows over here for $10!”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a good price.” *squeezes pillows* “Eww, they’re way too soft! I could never sleep on that, there’s no support in them!”

Me: “In that case, you would probably like a memory foam or latex pillow.”

(I spend some time showing her the harder kinds of pillows. Suddenly I notice that Customer #1 is standing in front of me looking very disapproving.)

Customer #1: “You told me that a soft one would be better!”

Customer #2: “Well, she told me that hard ones are better!”

(They glare at each other for a few seconds, then both turn on me.)

Customer #2: “Which ones are really better?”

Me: “Uh, well neither kind is better than the other. A lot of people like polyester and feather ones because their head sinks in to it and they have a comfortable night’s sleep, plus they’re much cheaper. But some people need more support, especially if they have a back or neck problem. A lot of chiropractors suggest memory foam and latex pillows for that.”

Customer #1: “Oh, yeah? Well I bet you have these ones on your bed because they’re better!”

Customer #2: “Pfft, yeah right… she would have these ones!”

Customer #1: “Nuh uh!”

Me: *cutting into the nonsense* “Well, actually I have two [brand] memory foam pillows on my bed, and two [brand] polyester pillows on my bed. Sometimes I feel more comfortable with the hard ones, sometimes the soft ones, other times one of each! It means I get to pick and choose each night.”

(The customers both look like they have been hit in the face with one of our gourmet fry-pans. They make eye contact, then silently begin browsing different pillows. Even better: I later saw each of them leave later on, both of them carrying two hard and two soft pillows!)

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