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Telling A Large Raspberry To Get A Large Strawberry

, , , , , , | Right | June 30, 2017

(I work at a Specialty Ice Cream stand, which is a rather popular stand. One particular day, a child whom I’ve never seen before comes up to the stand. He can’t be older than 12.)

Child: “Hi, I haven’t gotten my large strawberry yet.”

Me: *knowing I’ve never seen him* “You haven’t ordered a large strawberry.”

Child: “Yes, I have! You just never gave it to me!”

Me: “Okay, how much did you pay for it?”

Child: “I paid…” *checks sign next to the window which has the base price without tax, then states that price to me*

Me: *internally grinning* “Large [Specialty Ice Cream] is [price with tax].”

(The kid’s expression fell as he knew he’d been caught. He walked away without another word. I moved on to the next customer who had seen the whole thing and was grinning as well. We both agreed that it was a rather poor attempt.)

The Cake Is A Cry

, , , , , | Learning | May 29, 2017

(I am a head teacher for the two- to three-year-old room of a daycare center. This age is known for tantrums, but this particular child takes the cake. Literally. We are having a little party in our room and parents have brought us treats.)

Me: “Who’s excited for our party?”

Children: “We are!”

Me: “Me, too. Now your parents have brought us yummy things like cookies, cupcakes, fruit, and popcorn. Should we eat only cookies and cupcakes?”

Children: “No!”

Me: “How come? I love cupcakes; they’re yummy!”

Children: “You’ll get a tummy ache!”

Me: “That’s right. So since we don’t want any tummy aches, I am going to give each of you only one cookie and one cupcake. Once you finish those you can’t have anymore, ok? But you can have more fruit and popcorn.”

Children: “Okay, Miss [My Name]!”

(My assistant teacher and I pass out the food and everyone is happy until one asks for more.)

Child: “I want another cupcake.”

Me: “Do you remember what I said before we started, [Child]? I said that everyone was only going to get one cookie and one cupcake. No more because you will get a tummy ache. But you can have some more fruit or popcorn.”

Child: “I WANT ANOTHER CUPCAKE!”

Me: “I understand that but no one else is getting more cupcakes. You’ve already had yours. Do you want anymore popcorn?”

(The child is upset and starts screaming loudly at me and my coworker. He pushes his plate off the table and falls to the ground. I am trying to calm him down when his grandma shows up to pick him up. She walks in, sees him screaming and having a fit, and me kneeling next to him.)

Grandma: “What’s going on?”

Me: “I explained to [Child] that before we started our party I would only give each child one cookie and one cupcake. He asked for another one and I reminded him what I said.”

Grandma: *grabbing the child’s hand* “Stop crying and we’ll get a treat at home.”

(Thanks, grandma. Unfortunately, my boss and other teachers also did this when the child didn’t like my answer. He quickly learned that he just had to scream loud enough to get someone else’s attention and whoever it was would tell him that they would get him whatever he wanted if he stopped crying. I quit shortly after.)

It’s All Downhill From Here

, , , | Working | August 4, 2016

(My dad works for Ski Patrol, and is sitting in on a morning meeting about mountain safety…)

Lecturer: “Just remember: If you find yourself standing on slope that is moving, you are in an avalanche.”

Coworker: “Um… DUH!?”

Luckily They Found It A-Mew-sing

, , , , , | Working | October 19, 2015

(My vet calls me with the results of some tests he’s done on one of my cats.)

Me: “Hello?”

Vet: “This is [Vet] from [Clinic]. Is this [Cat]?”

Me: “…Meow?”

Vet: “It’s been a very long day.”


This story is part of our Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

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Totally Estupido

, , , | Learning | October 1, 2015

(I am getting started in my Spanish 1 class during freshman year. It is worth noting that our high school is pretty much a compilation of three other middle schools, so many of the students don’t know much about each other, nor the traditions of all the other middle schools.)

Teacher: “Does anyone know any full sentences in Spanish?”

Me: *raises hand* “I can say the Pledge of Allegiance.” *begins saying the Pledge in Spanish*

Student: *interrupts* “Wait, wait! Why the f*** are you saying the Pledge in Spanish?”

Me: “Um… because some of the kids in our school didn’t even know English. We said the Pledge in Spanish and English in the mornings.”

Student: “But they’re in f***ing America! They should know how to speak English! It’s SO stupid to say the pledge of allegiance in Spanish.”

Me: “If it’s so f***ing stupid for you to say the Pledge of Allegiance in Spanish, then why are you bothering to learn Spanish in America?”

Other Student: *plays MLG air-horn sound from his phone*

(The student dropped the class. I wasn’t punished for my cursing. Best start to freshman year ever.)