(I am about fourteen. My mom and I share a weird connection; my dad calls it a “shared brain.”)
Mom: “Hey, [My Name], do you know where the uh… uh…”
Me: “Yeah, Mom, it is next to the uh… uh…”
Mom: “Smart-a**.”
(Pause.)
Mom: “Oh, I found it!. You were right; thanks, [My Name]!”
Dad: “…”
(People can put their orders in online and then come in later to pick them up. Since I am the most comfortable with computers, I am put in charge of that department. I get an order that has a multitude of items that are currently out of stock. I assemble the email informing the customer that their items are not in stock yet, and that we will contact them when their order is ready, and I send it out. A couple of hours later, a woman comes up to my desk.)
Customer: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’m here to pick up my order.”
(I punch her name into the computer.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re still waiting for a restock. We will send you an email when we have the items in stock, and you can pick them up then.”
Customer: “No, you don’t understand; I need them now. Are you sure you haven’t checked the back?”
Me: “Ma’am, I know for certain that we don’t have these items in stock. Did you receive the automatic email saying we would notify you when your order is ready?”
Customer: “Yes, but it’s junk so I deleted it. Do you have my stuff or not?”
Me: “No, we don’t, because we still need to restock.”
Customer: “Then why do you offer this in the first place?! Can’t you have your drones fly faster?”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer: “You know, the drones in the [Online Shopping Center] commercial! Once you order something, they can fly a piano straight to your house within 24 hours!”
(Apparently, this woman thought that a single ten-pound drone could easily lift a 400-pound piano and get it to its destination in the blink of an eye. The conversation continued, as I tried to tell this woman that things take time to get here due to traffic, weather, drivers, etc. I reassured her that we would have her things in a few days. She ended up leaving in a huff, yelling that she would prove me wrong by ordering her items from [Online Shopping Center] and having them in her arms in ten minutes. The next time I saw her, we made eye contact, she turned bright red and hurried through self-checkout, and as she stormed past my counter she gave me the finger. I guess she didn’t get her items in ten minutes.)
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(It is the day before the Cassini space probe is scheduled to finish its mission and dive into Saturn, and some of us have been talking about it at the office, when [Coworker #1] walks by.)
Coworker #1: “It’s finally getting to Saturn? And they’re going to crash right into it?”
Me: “No. It’s been there a long time, taking pictures of the planet and its moons.”
Coworker #2: “It was launched in 1997, arrived at Saturn in 2004, and it’s been orbiting there ever since.”
Coworker #1: *entirely serious* “Oh, right. Gotcha. So… is it manned?”
Everyone In Earshot: *long, incredulous silence*
Coworker #2: “No.”
Me: “Hi, welcome to [Chain Restaurant], how can I help you tonight?”
Customer: *very muffled voice* “Huh? I can’t hear ya; speak up!”
(Some back and forth “excuse me?”s and “huh?”s happen, until I ask the customer to pull up to the window so I can take her order there. She somehow understands. The customer pulls up into the drive-thru window. I usually wait about one second for customers to roll their window down, but this woman just started talking.)
Customer: *still muffled* “Yeah, so, can I get a mrmmhmmrm.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I still can’t hear you.”
Customer: “Maybe this’ll help.”
(THEN she rolled her window down, and the order was taken and made properly with no other issues. I didn’t really suggest anything, because I thought her car window was broken.)
(I am colorblind, but everyone calls me “Fire” because of my supposedly fire-red hair. I see a short woman trying to reach a shirt on a high shelf, and I am tall enough to reach it.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am, can I help you with that?”
Customer: “I need that blue shirt up there.”
(She waves up in the general direction.)
Me: “Which shirt?”
Customer: “It’s the only blue one up there!”
Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to need to be more specific than that. I’m colorblind.”
Customer: *obviously ignoring me* “It’s the ONLY BLUE SHIRT!”
Me: “Ma’am! I’m COLORBLIND! I can’t see blue!”
Customer: “I need to speak with you manager!”
(I go and fetch my manager, after telling him what had happened.)
Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”
Customer: “She won’t get me that blue shirt!”
Manager: “My coworker has told you already that she is colorblind, and therefore cannot see the color blue.”
Customer: “It’s B-L-U-E! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?!”
Me: “It’s a medical condition, ma’am, I can’t see colors.”
Customer: *she turns to my manager* “You get it down!”
(He retrieves the shirt and looks at it.)
Manager: “You could have just told her that it was the shirt with a heart on the front. Or you could have LISTENED when she told you multiple times that she was colorblind. Now, will that be all today?”
Customer: “Yes.”
(The woman looks incredibly angry, but I take her over to check out, and she looks down at my name tag.)
Customer: “Fire? What kind of a name is that?”
Me: “It’s a nickname, ma’am, because of my red hair.”
Customer: “You said that you were colorblind! You’re a liar! How do you know that your hair is red?”
Me: “A lot of people have told me what color my hair is.”
Customer: “Oh…”
(She picks up her bag and walks out of the store.)
Manager: “Some people just have no clue how to listen.”
