(I’m taking care of a big rush of customers at the register as quickly as I can, with another cashier and one of my managers, when a customer comes up with a hair dryer that she wants to exchange.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought this a few months ago and it just stopped working on me for no reason. I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “Okay! Do you have a loyalty card with us? We can look it up.”

(She gives me her number and it pulls up her mother’s account.)

Me: “I’m not seeing this product. Do you have your own account that we can look it up on?”

(The woman clearly looks annoyed, but gives me her number. Our system usually will trace back purchases for about nine or ten months after, but nothing is showing up in her transaction history)

Me: “So, I’m not finding it in this one, either. You said you bought this a few months ago?”

Customer: “Yeah, can you just go back and find it?”

Me: “That’s the problem, ma’am. There’s absolutely nothing here to go back to. If you want to grab the new hair dryer you wanted to exchange it for, you are more than welcome to.”

(She leaves and I begin to process the return without a receipt. When you don’t have a receipt or proof of purchase, our system rings it up at the highest price possible. The woman is very upset that we can’t evenly exchange it.)

Customer: “Well, this is just ridiculous. I shop here all the time and spend a lot of money here, so it should be in there.”

(The rush has died down, so my manager comes over to ask what is going on. I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Let me call customer service to see what’s going on. Why don’t you go help the other guests at a different register?”

(I obliged, and was grateful she took over. Especially when I found out that the customer had not made a purchase at our store for four years and tried to exchange a hair dryer from 2011!)

(I work at a hiring agency where we interview people, then send them out on jobs that they are interested in. To be placed on a job, you have to come into one of our offices and fill out some paperwork, including a background check, hire sheet, etc. It’s just three pages, doesn’t take a lot of time to fill out, and is very similar to a hire sheet that you could fill out for any other job. I’m working the front desk as the receptionist when a gentleman walks in.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Applicant: “Yeah, I’m here to apply for a job.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead and sign in and fill out these papers, and I’ll have someone help you once you turn it in.” *gives man a clipboard with said papers*

(He walks off to fill out the paperwork, and I keep doing what I’m doing. He walks back about ten minutes later, handing the clipboard to me.)

Applicant: “I’m done.”

Me: *surprised, because people usually don’t go through the paperwork that quickly* “Er, okay. Let me see.” *looks through papers to make sure everything is in order* “Oh, sorry. It seems that you didn’t fill everything out. You need to sign several things, and there is a backside to one of these.”

Applicant: “Yeah, the thing is, I just don’t feel like doing all of it. Just put it in.” *arrogant smirk*

(I have the rare applicant walk in that IS reluctant to fill it out, but I usually just brush it off and hand it off to one of the interviewers. But I’ve had an unusually stressful day with my fair share of biting my tongue.)

Me: *irritated* “Yeah, and I don’t feel like dealing with your attitude, but we all have to do things that we don’t want to. So, you can sit back down and fill out the rest, or leave.”

(The applicant is clearly surprised by my sharp response, and demands to talk to my supervisor. I gladly comply, knowing that she has a shorter fuse than I do. I call her over, and she glances briefly through the paperwork.)

Supervisor: “How do you expect us to find you job if we have no idea of your experience or what you want? Fill it out.” *promptly gives the clipboard back to the applicant and walks away*

(He glared at me, as I grinned victoriously, before filling out the rest of the paperwork. He sulked the rest of the time he was in the office, but I was practically on cloud nine.)

(I approach a table with an elderly couple to drop off the check.)

Customer: “I want to talk to a manager!”

Me: “Was everything all right?”

(I happen to know that everything was all right. I visited their table multiple times; they said everything was fine.)

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

(I go and get the manager, who happens to be my mother. She doesn’t take anyone’s crap, to put it nicely. I tell her they never addressed an issue with me about anything.)

Mother/Manager: “Hello, sir. What’s wrong? Was there an issue with the service you’ve gotten this evening?”

Customer: “OUR FOOD WAS TERRIBLE, COLD, AND DISGUSTING!”

Mother/Manager: *looks down at their empty plates* “Is that why you ate it all?”

Customer: “I’m not paying!”

Mother/Manager: “Oh, you’re going to pay, even if the police are here breathing down your neck to make you do it.”

(They paid.)

Administrator: “It was just wonderful! The French class was singing Feliz Navidad in French!”

(I’ve been working at my current job at a college campus bookstore for some time now. Students get their textbooks here, and we also sell supplies like pencils, notebooks, and art supplies, and we have [University]-themed merchandise for football fans of the school. These are the type of questions I get on a weekly basis…)

Customer: “Do you have bath bombs?”

Customer #2: “Do you have [University] lingerie?”

Customer #3: “Do you sell cell phones?”

Customer #4: “Do you have [Rival University] stuff?”

Customer #5: “Where’s my final?”

Customer #6: “I accidentally returned my book too early; I need it to study for my final. Can I have it back?”