Pressured To Squeeze Out Any Answer

, , , , , , | Healthy | April 20, 2018

(I’m in anatomy and physiology class, self-grading a test we just did on the cardiovascular system. Since everyone’s grading their tests as a class, the teacher is going over the questions and answers aloud. As is the case on every test, some of the answers are flexible, as long as she can understand what you were trying to refer to.)

Teacher: “Numbers 52 and 53: what instruments are used to measure blood pressure? ‘Stethoscope,’ and I’ll take, ‘blood pressure cuff.’ If you said, ‘sphygmomanometer,’ I’ll take that, too.”

Student #1: “I put, ‘blood pressure band.’”

Teacher: “Yeah, that’s close enough; I’ll take that, too.”

Student #2: *somewhat sheepishly* “I put, ‘squeezy pressure thing’…”

(Everyone bursts out laughing, even [Student #2] and [Teacher].)

Teacher: *between giggles* “‘Squeezy pressure thing’! I’ll take that!”

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Wish You Could Unwrite That Joke

, , , , , , | Learning | December 28, 2017

(My AP statistics teacher is known for, among other things, his extremely corny jokes. This happens the first day we have class after Thanksgiving break.)

Student: “I swear, we’ve been gone for a week, and I’ve forgotten everything we’ve learned this entire semester!”

Teacher: *walks over to [Student]’s desk and picks up her pencil, pretending to write in the air* “This thing lets you write stuff down.”

Student: *giggles* “And what does the other end do?”

Teacher: *turns pencil over and pretends to erase* “This end unwrites!”

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Why Horse Around When You Can Giraffe?

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

(I work night shift at a local hotel. About half an hour into my shift, the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got a question. What’s your policy on hotels?”

(The customer is obviously drunk.)

Me: *pausing, not quite sure if I heard properly* “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “What’s your policy on hotels?”

Me: “Well, I like them.”

Customer: “So, if I come to your hotel and I don’t like it, you won’t kick me out?”

Me: “Nope, promise.”

Customer: “I got one more question. What if I want to bring some exotic animals with me?”

(At this point, all doubt that this is a prank call is gone; in fact, in the hotel industry, this is a fairly common prank. I decide to have some fun with the ‘customer.’)

Me: “Well, you could certainly eat them on the way.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to eat them. I want to bring them as pets.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t allow any pets.”

Customer: “What about a miniature giraffe?”

Me: “Sure, you could eat that on the way.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to eat it.”

Me: “Why not? You should expand your horizons. It might be delicious. You don’t know!”

Customer: “That’s a really expensive meal, though.”

Me: “Well, sometimes you have to treat yourself!”

Customer: *laughs, hangs up*

(I share the story with the bartender and his friend who happens to be present, and we all get a good chuckle. Perhaps five minutes later, the phone rings again. Our caller ID tells me that it’s the same person.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to find out where you are.”

Me: “We’re at [Address, plus directions].”

Customer: “Okay, I have another question. What’s your pet policy?”

Me: “Well, we allow miniature giraffes.”

Customer: *laughs uncontrollably*

Me: “Were you aware that we have caller ID, Mr. [Customer]? Because we totally do.”

Customer: *click*

(He didn’t call back after that.)

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