(I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

(She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This can’t be true!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

(I used to work at a gas station, and regularly had to train new people. This happens on the first morning shift of my coworker. An elderly man comes in to buy some pastries. There are two other customers in the shop.)

Coworker: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

Customer #1: “I would like three of those.” *points at a pastry of which we only have two left*

Coworker: “I am sorry, but I only have two left of those. Would you like another pastry instead to get the discount?”

Customer #1: “There you go, talking! Just shut up and do your job!”

Coworker: “I am sorry sir, but if you would just—”

Customer #1: “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Do your job, b****!”

(My coworker is now almost in tears, and I, having heard it all, step in.)

Me: “Sir, you have to be polite! It is her first shift, and there is absolutely no need to be rude. We only have the cakes on display, and since there are just two of the pastries you want—”

Customer #1: “Another one! Just shut up already! I am in a hurry!”

(At that moment, the two customers who have been patiently waiting decide they have had enough and speak up.)

Customer #2: “We don’t want people like you here. If you can’t be nice, get out!”

Customer #3: “Yeah, just get out!”

Customer #1: “What poor service!” *hurriedly leaves the shop with his pastries*

(In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in our lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

Boss: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

(My boss and I walk out of the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possible. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

(Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

Customer: *shuts up*

(We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

(I’m selling tickets to a mother and her six-year-old daughter.)

Daughter: “Mom, when can we see the movie?”

Mother: “It starts in fifteen minutes.”

Daughter: “And how long does that take? An hour?”

Caller: “It won’t stop loading! I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes and it hasn’t stopped loading yet! Help me!”

Me: “All right, ma’am. Let’s start by refreshing the page.”

Caller: “Re… what?”

Me: “Refreshing, ma’am.”

Caller: “How do I do so?”

Me: “Which kind of computer do you have?”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Which button you have to push depends on your computer. Is it a normal PC or an Apple?”

Caller: *to husband* “Honey, she’s rambling! Now she thinks we’re selling apples! How stupid does she think I am!?” *click*

This story is part of our Macintosh roundup!

Read the next Macintosh roundup story!

Read the Macintosh roundup!