(My mum and I have just seen the new Star Wars and are walking home, discussing the movie.)
Mum: “I really liked Kylo Ren; he was very well played. And, you know, the actor is a beefcake.”
Me: *bursts out laughing* “I knew you would say that! I kept glancing at you during his shirtless scene, just waiting for you to lean over and whisper, ‘Beefcake…’”
(I work in the support department of a webhotel provider, answering the phones. I take a call from a customer who is calling in because his website has been suspended due to lack of payment.)
Me: “You have reached [Provider], [My Name] speaking.”
Customer: “Yes, hello. My site has been suspended, and I need to get it re-opened.”
Me: “Certainly, sir. What is the name of your site?”
Customer: “It’s [domain].”
(I look up the customer’s account in our system.)
Me: “Ah, yes. I can see that you have missed paying for the renewal of your webhotel.”
Customer: “I know; that’s what it says when I load my site. Can you please send me the invoice, so I can pay it?”
Me: “We have already sent it to you. I can see in our records that we have sent several reminders to you by email over the last few months before suspending your site.”
Customer: “Oh, yes. I saw those, but I thought they were scam emails, so I didn’t read them.”
(The customer opens his email and I direct him to click the invoice link.)
Customer: “Wait. There’s a late fee on here. I’m not paying that. You didn’t send me my invoice on time. You usually send it as a regular letter.”
Me: “We used to send a letter alongside the emails before, yes, but we have gotten a new system since then, so we are no longer able to do that. Still, we have sent the invoice to you several times via email. You have no excuse not to have seen it.”
Customer: “I work in security, so I know people can send fake emails. That’s why I always assume the emails I receive from you are scam mails, just using your logo. I work with physical security, so I don’t know any of that online stuff.”
(At this point, I give the customer a detailed explanation of how he can tell a potential scam email apart from the official emails we send, by checking that the invoice link points to our domain. He is still insistent that it is our fault he didn’t pay on time because we didn’t send him a letter, even though he totally ignores the emails we send him without even opening them.)
Customer: “Fine, I’ll pay the late fee, since it’s apparently so important to you, but I’m not happy with your level of customer service.”
(Apparently it is unreasonable for a webhotel provider to communicate purely via email.)
(My dad’s a dentist and I am at his office to pick him up after work because his car is in the shop. His last patient for the day is a little boy of about seven, and the moment I get in I can hear the parents yelling at him.)
Mother: “What do you mean his teeth are rotten?! They can’t be!”
My Dad: “Madam, your son has an extreme case of tooth decay, which is why he’s been having terrible tooth pains. I can possibly mend some of them, but he’ll probably have to have the majority of them pulled.”
Mother: “I can’t believe this. How could this happen?”
My Dad: “Well, does he eat a lot of candy?”
Mother: “He doesn’t eat sugar.”
My Dad: “Do you give him anything at night?”
Mother: “Yes, we give him honey.”
(They got super angry with my dad when he told them that was why their kid had bad teeth.)
This story is part of the Dentist roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
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(I am working the information desk at our library when a woman in her mid-20s comes up to me.)
Patron: “Hi. I found a song on YouTube called The Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, and I wanted to know if you had it on CD?”
Me: “Well, certainly, just—”
Patron: “But it has to be the original. All the CDs I’ve found only have cover numbers. You see, I’m a piano teacher, and I want to show it to the kids.”
Me: “There is no ‘original’ Moonlight Sonata.”
Patron: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, he was from the 1700s.”
Patron: “But why isn’t there an original?”
Me: “Because… you couldn’t record back then?”
Patron: “I know, but I thought maybe you had it on CD?”
Me: “I can assure you, there does not exist an ‘original’ Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, anywhere.”
Patron: “But I found it on YouTube!”
(I ended up having her show me the song on YouTube and showing her the name of the artist playing it. She still didn’t look convinced.)
(I work in an amusement park. Normally children are happy, but the parents will cause you a lot of trouble, because everything suddenly is YOUR fault, even though it’s not. I’m at the entrance to the outdoor water play area which is divided into two parts: the big area and the small one. To enter the big one, children under the age of five must be with a responsible adult, and the adult has to shower completely and take their shoes off first, for hygienic reasons. All these rules are clearly stated at more than one sign. A dad is coming up to the entrance, along with a very small girl who is wearing a swimming diaper.)
Me: “Hello there!” *to the girl* “How old are you, my friend?”
(She holds up three fingers.)
Dad: “She is three and a half, actually.”
Me: “Well, people under the age of five must be accompanied by an adult, and—”
Dad: “Yes, yes, I’ll go with her!”
Me: “…but then you have to shower first—” *points at sign right next to me* “—for hygienic reasons. So, I’ll recommend that you change to swimwear.”
Dad: “But I don’t have swimwear! Don’t be a fool and let my daughter in!”
Me: “I can’t, sorry. But you can take her to the small play area. You don’t have to shower to take her.”
Dad: “But she wants to go in there! Why can’t she?”
Me: “Because she isn’t five yet. Children under the age of five must be accompanied by an adult, as stated at the sign over there.”
Dad: “But what about that girl? She clearly isn’t five, either!”
Me: “Well, I don’t know about that, but her parents told me she was, so I have to believe them.”
Dad: “So, can’t I just tell you she’s also five?!”
Me: “You already told me otherwise, so I would know you were lying. I’m very sorry, but I can’t let her in without an adult.”
(At this point it gets very annoying having to explain the same thing over and over again.)
Dad: “It’s because of our color, isn’t it?” *the family is Indian*
Me: “Excuse me?!”
Dad: “You heard me. You just don’t want people like us in here.”
Me: “No, believe me. I’m treating you just as poorly as I’m treating the rest of our guests. I’m just following the rules, and I’ll do my very best to make you do the same!”
(The guests left, angrily. My manager told me to maybe phrase it another way next time.)
