(I work in a cafe that sells bagels.)
Me: “Welcome! What can I get for you?”
Customer: “I’d like a beagle.”
Me: “Sorry, a what?”
Customer: “A beagle, please.”
Me: “I am sorry, but we don’t sell beagles here.”
Customer: “Oh. Ooooh. You know what, I am actually glad. A bagel it is, then!”
(I’m working at a Japanese cafe in Denmark which was started by a woman who teaches Japanese at evening classes here. She opened the cafe for her students to experience homely Japanese cooking, as well as showing the local city that Japan is far more than sushi; therefore, sushi is not on the menu, but we do have a lot of other dishes. This takes place when I am preparing onigiris — Japanese rice balls — and it’s half an hour until we open. However, due to the current heatwave over here, we have the front door and the backdoor open to make a draft to cool things off. Two customers enter and I notice them. I calmly approach them. These customers are of Eastern Asian descent.)
Me: “Pardon me, but we’re not open for another thirty minutes. The only reason the door is open is to get some air in due to the heatwave.”
(They just stare at me and blink, only to then ignore me and start looking around the cafe. Since we do have a fair bit of Japanese items for sale in the front of the cafe, I think I’ll just let them wander and have a little look around while I finish preparing those onigiris. Suddenly, one of the women speaks up.)
Woman #1: “I’d like some sushi, please.”
Me: “First and foremost, we’re not even open, as I told you five minutes ago. And second, we don’t serve sushi here, sorry to say.”
(I then explain the reasons behind why we don’t and suddenly, things turn sour.)
Woman #1: “Why don’t you sell sushi? Go back there and make me some sushi now. I am the customer and you must do what I say.”
Woman #2: “She’s right. You must make it for her; otherwise, we won’t be pleased.”
Me: “As I said, we do not sell sushi here. There are other places that sell sushi around here, but we don’t. As mentioned, the owner would like to show that Japan is more than sushi.”
([Woman #1] folds her arms and lets out a “hmph” sound, then turns around with the other woman. Before leaving, she looks back at me and says:)
Woman #1: “You know you’re going to fail anyway if you don’t sell sushi; in a year this cafe is long gone.”
(They left and I was just stood there, baffled.)
(I have just made an ice cream for the customer and the payment is almost through.)
Me: “Your total comes up to $5.”
(The customer pays and is about to walk away.)
Me: “Have a nice day!”
Customer: “No, thank you.” *said with a smile followed by her leaving*
Me: “Um, okay…”
(I recently started working in a café in a fancy neighborhood, the kind that gets snobby ladies with their small dogs. The kitchen just closed and we’re getting the last orders out to the customers. I approach a table with two ladies sitting and give them their food.)
Customer: *snaps her fingers* “Sweetie, sorry, but I also ordered fries.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the kitchen gave me everything for your order. Let me just go check.”
(I highly doubt the kitchen has forgotten to make her fries, as they always closely check orders, but I check, and there’s nothing there for her. By now, the kitchen has been mostly cleaned and closed.)
Me: “Sorry, there really isn’t anything else. The kitchen is closed, but I can give you a free slice of cake after you’ve eaten, instead?”
Customer: “Ugh, no, I can’t have cake!”
Me: “Well… Should I bring you some more bread?”
Customer: “I can’t have bread, either!”
(I eye her bread bowl; she’s eating our other kind of bread so it isn’t a gluten allergy.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m out of options now.”
Customer: “But I’m going to be hungry! This isn’t enough; I wanted my fries! Young lady, I am a highly influential person on Instagram! I have over fifteen thousand followers! I just posted about being here; you’re going to lose a lot of customers! I’ll tell all of my friends!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but you didn’t want any of the options I gave you, so I don’t know what to tell you.”
Customer: “I’ll tell my fifteen thousand followers about this!”
Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but the kitchen is closed.”
(With that, I walked off and BARELY made it behind the counter before I burst into laughter. She really tried to threaten us with her fifteen thousand followers!)
(I work at a small corner store where we only have two registers. I am currently manning register #1, while register #2 is closed as my coworker is on cleaning duty. I have no line as a customer comes up and starts unloading onto register #2.)
Me: “Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, you can. Over here.”
Me: “I am sorry, sir, that register is currently closed as I am here by myself. Could I get you to move over here?”
Customer: “H*** no. I am over here and you just have to move your lazy a** over to the customer.”
Me: “I am very sorry, sir, but that register is currently closed. I can help you over here.”
Customer: “Fine. I’ll move, since you’re soooo unwilling to move a few feet over here.”
Me: “Again, I must inform you, that register is closed. Closed.”
Customer: “Hmpf. It is just a far from here to the lottery terminal as from over there.”
Me: “Sir! The other register is closed! C-L-O-S-E-D. CLOSED.”
Customer: “That wasn’t so hard, now was it? God, you really are lazy when you can’t even walk two feet over there.”
Me: *now pointing to the two registers* “CLOSED. OPEN. OPEN. CLOSED!”
Customer: “Lazy S.O.B.!” *pays and walks away*
