Beautiful Moments Do Come Out Of Ashes

, , , , , | Working | August 8, 2018

(I work with an older guy who can be considered a “classy gentleman.” He is kind to everyone, is virtually uncontroversial at every angle, and has very modest taste in just about everything.)

Coworker: “I was watching the new Celine Dion music video the other day. As always, she was very elegant with her performance.”

(Okay, so, he likes Celine Dion; we all saw that coming more than a mile away.)

Coworker: “They also took a very interesting approach. I wasn’t sure what they were going for, but I very much enjoyed watching the talented gentleman in the red suit dancing with her.”

(That’s a really weird way to describe Deadpool, but I don’t disagree!)

On A Check Trek

, , , , , | Working | July 16, 2018

(I am at the pharmacy picking up my prescriptions, when the pharmacy technician gestures to the bag of syringes that come with.)

Pharmacy Technician: “Are you wanting these, too?”

Me: “They are part of the order, so yes, please.”

Pharmacy Technician: “I’ll have to check on the price.”

Me: “Okay.” *waits for her to go, she stands there*

Pharmacy Technician: “Do you want me to check the price?”

Me: “Um… Yes?”

Pharmacy Technician: “Okay.” *goes to check price and comes back holding the bag* “$1.49!”

Me: “For all of them?”

Pharmacy Technician: “No, only for one.”

Me: “What’s the price on them all?”

Pharmacy Technician: “I’ll have to check that.”

Me: “Okay.” *waits as she stands there*

Pharmacy Technician: “Do you want me to check that?”

Me: “Um… Yes.”

Pharmacy Technician: “Okay.” *grabs calculator* “$17.88.”

Me: “Total price?”

Pharmacy Technician: “Excluding taxes.”

Me: *really don’t want to ask this* “What is the total, please?”

Pharmacy Technician: “I’ll have to check that.”

Me: *wanting to cry, bang head, scream* “Of course you do.” *waits as she stands there*

Pharmacy Technician: “Do you want me to check that?”

Me: *thinks* “NO, I WANT YOU TO DANCE FOR ME! ENTERTAIN ME! ON YOUR HEAD!” *saying* “Yes, please.”

Warming Up Those Blue Collars

, , , , , , | | Working | June 4, 2018

(I work in a factory, but mainly in the office. In other words, I’m what you would call a “white-collar worker.” Every now and then, as part of my job, I have to visit the production area.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], meet [New Hire]. He’s new here, and you’ll be seeing a lot of him.”

New Hire: “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I would shake your hand, but unfortunately, I’m all dirty right now.”

Me: “Really? Oh, no, buddy, that won’t do. I don’t believe in that kind of thinking.”

(I shake his hand, anyway, and even go in for a “bro-hug.” When I remove myself from him, both my hand and shirt are covered in dust.)

Me: “I don’t believe in office politics. Us suit-wearing stiffs aren’t nearly as important as you think. We’re all on the same team here, and I’m rooting for you.”

(Treat blue-collar workers with respect, people! Their job is just as, if not more important.)

I’ll Have A “Take Your Sweet” Thyme And A Glacial Melt

, , , , , | Working | April 22, 2018

(I’m waiting in line at a fast food drive-thru. It’s moving very slowly, and I’m the second-closest to the drive-thru speaker. I can hear everything that’s going on with the car in front of me.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Customer: *places order*

Employee: “Okay, your total is [amount]. Please pull up to the next window.”

(The line hasn’t moved an inch since this customer placed his order.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “It’s still me.”

Employee: “Okay, sir, please pull up to the window when you’re ready.”

(Beat.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Hello! It’s me again! I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Employee: “Okay, thank you.”

(The line finally moves. We only manage to make it up half a car-length.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

(There is this awkward pause, as the car in front of me is no longer next to the speaker, and I’m only halfway there, so I can’t see the entire menu.)

Employee: “This is the same person, isn’t it?”

(The line suddenly starts moving again, so I manage to pull up right next to the speaker.)

Me: “Nope, you finally got a different customer, now! Thanks for waiting. Are you ready to take my order?”