Hamming Up The Translation

| Orlando, FL, USA | Language & Words

(One of my coworkers is Turkish, but because of her skin tone, she is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “Can you get me some ham?”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

Customer: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie to me, you b****. I want some ham right now!”

Me: *in Spanish* “I can help you, sir.”

(He looks at me with bewilderment, obviously not expecting a white person to be able to speak Spanish.)

Customer: “Sorry, I no speak English.” *to my coworker, in Spanish* “I told you to get me some ham!”

Coworker: “I don’t understand, sir. I not Spanish; I am from Turkey.”

Me: *in Spanish* “She doesn’t speak Spanish, sir. She’s actually from Turkey. I can get you some ham if you’ll tell me what kind you want.”

(He slams both hands down hard on the counter.)

Customer: *in English* “What kind of store is this?! The Spanish person doesn’t speak Spanish but the white person does?! I’m not shopping here!”

(He stormed out of the store, almost breaking the glass door.)

Having Beef With Telling Porkies

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a pound of chipped beef.”

Me: “So a pound of roast beef chipped?”

Customer: “No, chipped beef.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have roast beef and corned beef.”

(The lady dismisses me, and then scans our meat selection.)

Customer: “Here! Chopped ham! That’s what I’m looking for.”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, I thought you were looking for chipped beef.”

Customer: “That’s what that is. You take the chopped ham and chip it, and then it becomes chipped beef!”

Gives New Meaning To ‘Can I Take Your Order’

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am in line at a deli. You place your order at the front counter, they make it, call out your name, and you pick it up at the back counter. It’s lunch time, so the line’s out the door.)

Employee: “Susan!”

(A male customer in a business suit walks up to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the order?”

Employee: “Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese.”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Employee: “Jerry!”

Customer: “What’s that order?”

Employee: “Do you not remember what name your order was under?”

Customer: “Nah, I just don’t feel like waiting in line, so I figured I’d just wait until a ham and cheese came up, and grab it.”