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Hamming It Up

, , , | Right | March 17, 2010

Customer: “I’m not sure what to get. Do you have any suggestions?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am! The oven-roasted turkey is very popular, and the black pepper chicken is quite good.”

Customer: “What about this ham? Have you tried it?”

Me: “I haven’t, no, but would you like a sample?”

Customer: “Why haven’t you tried it? Is it gross?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t tried it because it’s not kosher.”

Customer: “You work here. You should have tried everything!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. Would you like a sample?”

Customer: “No! I want you to try it first!”

Me: “I’m not going to eat the ham.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very Christian of you, is it?”

Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical, Part 2

, | Right | June 3, 2009

Customer: “If I order a meat and cheese tray, do I have to get meat and cheese?”

Me: “Well, we have other trays, like vegetable and fried appetizer trays.”

Customer: “No, I want a meat and cheese tray. Do I have to get meat and cheese?”

Me: *confused* “… You want just meat or just cheese? Is that what you want?”

Customer: “NO! I want a meat and cheese tray and I want to know if I have to get meat and cheese!”

America’s Debt Crisis Explained, Part 2

, , , | Right | March 19, 2009

Customer: “Um, this sign out here says $5.98 for a pound of turkey.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you look at your sticker, you’ll see that it is actually $3.98 a pound this week.”

Customer: “But, it says that it’s $5.98 a pound. You need to fix this, and you need to fix the price on my turkey.”

Me: “Sir, the turkey is on sale this week. You got it for $3.98 a pound, instead of $5.98.”

Customer: “Well, this is just ridiculous. You guys need to get your act straight, and you need to fix my sticker!”

Me: “You’re getting it for cheaper.”

Customer: *light bulb goes on* “Ohhhhhhh!”

Well, That Narrows It Down

, , | Right | March 18, 2009

(The guy asks for a couple of beef brisket sandwiches, but has not specified the type of bread.)

Me: “Sir, what type of bread would you like with your sandwiches?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “We have wheat, rye, white, sourdough, nine-grain…”

Customer: “Do you have that one, you know, the square kind?”

Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2009

(A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

(As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters are licking the hot case glass.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well… aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”