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Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2009

(A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

(As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters are licking the hot case glass.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well… aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”

I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato

, , , | Right | September 4, 2008

(I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker has just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.)

Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.”

(I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a minute, because my coworker had just walked out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said, I didn’t know you were out here. I was in the back, washing my hands, and I can’t see you back there.”

Customer: “Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT HERE. What were you doing in the back? Your job is to wait on customers!”

Me: “I WAS WASHING MY HANDS.”

Customer: “I don’t see why you should have to do that.”

Me: “Me neither, sir.”


This story is part of the Impatient Customers roundup!

Read the next Impatient Customers roundup story!

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Fowl Mouthed

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2008

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want lunch meat.”

Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!”

Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f****** b****!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.”

Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F****** TURKEY!”

Me: “What type of turkey would you like?”

Customer: “Plain!”

Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat-free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.”

Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f****** turkey!”

(The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.)

Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat-Free? She gave you the types. Just f****** pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!”

Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!”

As Long As It Tastes Like Chicken

, , | Right | August 19, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Lady: “I’d like a half-pound of ham.”

(I slice the ham, wrap it, and hand it over.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

(She opens up the package, sniffs the ham, and makes a face).

Me: “Is there something wrong with the ham?”

Lady: “Yes. It smells very hammy.”

Me: “Am I to understand that you’re complaining that our ham smells like ham?”

Lady: *walks away in a huff*


This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup!

Read the next Peculiar Customers roundup story!

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Fowl Behavior, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2008

(At the deli where I work, every couple hours I cook up between 12 and 20 whole chickens. They’re kept in the hot holding cabinet for customers to grab.)

Customer: “I need ten.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “These whole chickens. I need ten of them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s all we have, because we’re closing soon.”

Customer: *rolls her eyes and takes absolutely everything left out of the holding cabinet*

(Another customer approaches me soon afterward.)

Another Customer: “Excuse me, that lady just grabbed a chicken out of my hands, claiming it was hers. Will there be any more?”

(Yes, that’s right. The first lady was going around taking chickens from other customers. Unbelievable.)