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Reschedule Your Attitude

| Working | February 22, 2015

(There is a paper schedule that is put on the clipboard each week that is the schedule for the following week. Coworker #1 is mad because he has just been called in; he was supposed to have been in earlier that day.)

Coworker #1:  “How was I supposed to know when I was to come in?! They should have it written down somewhere!”

Coworker #2: “You mean like… a schedule?”

(The first coworker was not too pleased with my second coworker but I believe the rest of us liked her answer!)

The Customer Service Is Baloney

, | Working | February 6, 2015

(Sometimes we get customers who don’t realise that we have so many variations of different meats. This happens on a day when my coworker is tired and on her last nerve, and is therefore being rather unhelpful.)

Customer: “I’d like some of that one, please.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “The salami.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “The mild.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: *irked* “The Hungarian.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “Gah! The one that isn’t free range!”

Coworker: *smiles brightly* “Coming right up, sir!”

(The customer looked about ready to smash his head onto the counter. Occasionally when I order something from this coworker I’ll repeat the above conversation just for a laugh. For some reason she never finds it funny.)

Hamming Up The Translation

| Right | January 15, 2015

(One of my coworkers is Turkish, but because of her skin tone, she is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “Can you get me some ham?”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

Customer: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie to me, you b****. I want some ham right now!”

Me: *in Spanish* “I can help you, sir.”

(He looks at me with bewilderment, obviously not expecting a white person to be able to speak Spanish.)

Customer: “Sorry, I no speak English.” *to my coworker, in Spanish* “I told you to get me some ham!”

Coworker: “I don’t understand, sir. I not Spanish; I am from Turkey.”

Me: *in Spanish* “She doesn’t speak Spanish, sir. She’s actually from Turkey. I can get you some ham if you’ll tell me what kind you want.”

(He slams both hands down hard on the counter.)

Customer: *in English* “What kind of store is this?! The Spanish person doesn’t speak Spanish but the white person does?! I’m not shopping here!”

(He stormed out of the store, almost breaking the glass door.)

Having Beef With Telling Porkies

| Right | January 1, 2015

Customer: “I’d like a pound of chipped beef.”

Me: “So a pound of roast beef chipped?”

Customer: “No, chipped beef.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have roast beef and corned beef.”

(The lady dismisses me, and then scans our meat selection.)

Customer: “Here! Chopped ham! That’s what I’m looking for.”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, I thought you were looking for chipped beef.”

Customer: “That’s what that is. You take the chopped ham and chip it, and then it becomes chipped beef!”

Getting Out Of Work With Surgical Precision

, | Working | December 16, 2014

(I work in a deli inside of a chain grocery store. I’m always on closing duty which has me at work until well after midnight. I’m also a full-time college student. I’m usually fine going into class on very little sleep, but I don’t want to take tests like that, so I put in for time off on the nights before my final exams, which are all early in the morning. The week before my exams, we’re given our schedules for the following week.)

Me: “Uh, [Manager], you’ve got me down to work close next Wednesday night. I asked for it off and you approved it, but then you scheduled me.”

Manager: “Oh. Well, can you still come in?”

Me: I’d rather not. I have to be up early Thursday morning for exams. It’s just next week; I’m off for the summer so I can work whatever hours you need after that. But, I really don’t want to take important exams on three or four hours of sleep.

Manager: “Hmm.” *says nothing more and goes back to work*

(I assume I am still going to have to go in, so decide to just suck it up and hope for the best. Fast forward to the following Wednesday. I arrive for my shift, to find that a coworker who hadn’t been on the schedule is there. She is as surprised to see me as I am to see her.)

Coworker: “Why are you here? [Manager] asked me to cover for you because you said you couldn’t come in.”

Me: “Seriously?! She didn’t say anything to me about that. I had asked for tonight off because of my exams tomorrow morning, but she put me down anyway. But, okay, if you’re here I guess I’ll go home—”

Coworker: “No, we should really talk to a manager to make sure.”

Me: “All of the managers are gone, I think. One of the store managers might still be here… but we’d better hurry because they won’t be here long.”

(We manage to find the store assistant manager, who is the only one still in, and explain the situation.)

Me: “[Manager] hadn’t told me she was having someone cover, but since we’ve got coverage, I’d really like to head home so I can be well-rested for my exams tomorrow.”

Coworker: “I GUESS I could stay but… my little boy is only five months old and he just had surgery on his poor little feet this morning. I hated to leave him but [Manager] asked…”

(I’m confused because this coworker had never mentioned her son having surgery scheduled — and she talks incessantly about EVERYTHING related to her son, even an inconsequential sneeze. And why would she have agreed to cover for me if her baby was scheduled for surgery that day?)

Assistant Manager: “Oh!” *gives me a dirty look then turns back to my coworker* “You go right on home to be with your baby. He needs you.” *turns back to me, and says rather rudely* “Go get clocked in and get to work.”

(The other closer ended up calling in sick, leaving me to close by myself. I went in to my exams the next morning on under two hours of sleep, and failed them both. The kicker? The bakery manager saw me the next day, heard what happened, and informed me that she saw my coworker and her husband only minutes before I walked in — showing off her not-been-operated-on baby to the bakery employees.)