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Saving The Duke From The Puke

| Right | September 10, 2012

Customer: “I’ll have two pounds of mac & cheese, 3 pounds of potato wedges, 2 pounds of boneless wings, and 10 cheese sticks. I also need 4 pounds of cooked ham, sliced on a #2.”

Me: “Alright! Having a party, huh?”

Customer: “No, this is for my dog.”

Me: *taken off-guard* “Oh…” *jokingly* “…well, is he having a party then?”

Customer:  “I don’t appreciate your tone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only kidding.”

(I fill her order in silence. After weighing the potato wedges, she says…)

Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?! The Duke will surely starve!”

Me: “I’ll do the best I can, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, see that you do! My sweet doggie is hungry!”

(Meanwhile, a man walks up and begins talking to the customer while I finish her order. This takes about 10 minutes, as I have to cook more chicken. As I turn around from the meat slicer to give her the last bag of sliced ham, I see her walking away with the man. She has left her entire order on the counter.)

Me: “Ma’am! MA’AM! Your order, ma’am!”

Customer: “Oh, nevermind, dear! He brought me some dog food from the pet aisle!”

Me: *speechless*

(She wasted at least $40 worth of food!)

Cinco De My-Own-Little-World

| Working | July 31, 2012

(This happens on May 5th. We have two employees of Hispanic descent who have the day off. They come in to say hello. I witness this interaction between a couple of coworkers and our off-work employees.)

Coworker #1: “You know, I always thought that Cinco de Mayo was March fifth. Is it really May fifth? I thought I’d ask since you guys would know.”

Coworker #2: “No, it’s May fifth, today. ‘Cinco’ as in five. ‘Mayo’ as in May.”

Off-work Coworkers: *nodding silently in agreement*

Coworker #1: “Well, I just always figured I was right and the rest of the world was wrong!”

Soft Drinks Can Bubble Up Hard Feelings

| Working | June 24, 2012

(My friends and I have come down from Canada to do some surfing in Oregon. We have stopped by a deli for some lunch.)

Employee: “Anything else for you today?”

Me: “Yeah, do you have any pop?”

Employee: “It’s soda!”

Me: “Yeah, do you have it?”

Employee: “No, we don’t carry soda. Just water, juice, and tea.”

Me: “What? No pop? Seriously?”

Employee: “SODA!”

Me: “Wow, Americans are pretty serious about their terminology!”

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, she’s a New Yorker.”

Me: “Oh. What is it normally called in Oregon?”

Manager: “Pop.”

Employee: “IT’S SODA!”

Half A Half A Brain

| Working | May 10, 2012

(My manager is adding in the nutritional information for macaroni and cheese into the scale printer.)

Manager: “Wow, I didn’t know that there was so much salt in this mac and cheese! In a medium sized container, there is 50% of your daily sodium.”

Coworker: “What? HALF that container is salt?!”

Manager: “No. I mean a medium sized container of mac and cheese has 50% of your daily salt intake.”

Coworker: “So…half of that mac and cheese is salt?”

Manager: “No, I mean that there is a lot of salt in this mac and cheese. If one was to eat a medium sized container, they would have 50% of their salt.”

Coworker: “Oh, I get it. Half of that is salt!”

Wishful Inching

| Right | October 12, 2011

(A customer and her husband are ordering our store-made bologna, which is an elongated, flesh-coloured shape.)

Customer: “I don’t want it sliced. Just cut me a piece about 1 inch long.”

Husband: “So, about this much.” *holds up two fingers about 4 inches apart*

(The wife and I both grin.)

Customer: “That isn’t one inch!”

Me: “Well, we all know how men like to exaggerate about the size of their meat.”