(The deli in our store has only recently reopened, and with that has come a number of new coworkers, so we’re all just getting to know each other. With old coworkers, I’m known for my murder humor.)

New Coworker: “So, my boyfriend of five years and the father of my child was apparently cheating on me, and now he’s just going around talking trash and hitting on all the girls here in the store to annoy me.”

Me: “Just letting you know, I have a car trunk big enough to hold a body and can line it to prevent evidence or leakage.”

New Coworker: *stares then starts laughing* “Well, okay, then!”

(Fast forward a few hours and the new coworker is sharing her tale of woe with another old coworker.)

Old Coworker: *turns and points to me* “You know, if you need to get rid of someone, [My Name] has a big trunk and likes knives.”

Me: “Told ya!”

(I work part time in a grocery store deli. It’s around Christmas time when one of my coworkers brings in gifts she made for everyone in the form of some homemade sweets, like caramels and hot cocoa mix, all together in a plastic jar. She gives me mine.)

Coworker: “Here you go. I remember you’re allergic to nuts so I just gave you extra caramels instead of the nut clusters.”

Me: “Awesome. Thank you so much!”

(I put the jar away in the sandwich station fridge and go back to work. However, something is bothering me about the gift: I can’t quite place where I’ve seen those slender jars before. After a little while, I ask her.)

Me: “Hey [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Yeah?”

Me: “Where’d you get those jars you used?”

Coworker: “Oh, it’s just a peanut jar.”

(I pause, and stare at her silently.)

Coworker: “…oh. S***.”

(In her defence, she says she washed it out, but I still ended up just giving it to my roommate rather than risk it.)

(I work in a deli that also serves hot food. I have a lady come up talking on her phone and just points.)

Customer: “I’ll have that.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see what you’re pointing at.”

Customer: “THAT! THAT RIGHT THERE!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re pointing at.”

Customer: “Are you treating me like this because I’m [race]?”

Me: “No, I’m treating you like this because you’re too ignorant to see the metal plate blocking my sight. Now, what can I get you?”

Customer: *into her phone* “I know, right? How rude.” *walks away*

(My partner and I order a large platter of chicken from the deli at our local grocery store and go to pick it up.)

Partner: “Hello, is the pick-up order for [Partner] at [time], ready?”

Cashier: “Yeah, hold on.”

(The cashier goes and gets our order and sets it at the counter. It has a large container of ranch sitting on top that we did not order.)

Me: “We didn’t order ranch; are you sure you grabbed the right one?”

Cashier: *deep sigh* “Yes! Your total is [price almost half of what it should be].”

Partner: “That can’t be right; are you sure this is our order?”

Cashier: *snippy* “Yeah! It’s !”

Me: “There is no way that’s right; the base price before taxes is $9 more than that. Are you sure you don’t want to check and make sure you grabbed the right one?”

(At this point the cashier looks pretty angry and seems like she is about to say something, when an older deli worker steps up to see why this is taking so long.)

Older Worker: “What are you—” *looks at register, then leans in and squints as they look back and forth between the price and the platter* “What is wrong with you?! That platter is [correct price]! You know that! Fix It!”

(They walk off to continue working and our cashier gets a weirdly smug look while FINALLY looking into the system for our order information. She clicks around, puts in the right total, and straightens out the order.)

Cashier: “That’s what happens when you can’t keep your mouth shut! You could have gotten it for a cheaper price, but—”

Partner: “You realize that you would have got in trouble if we had done that, right?”

Cashier: “What?”

Me: “We’ve both worked retail. Order systems like this have a base amount you should have at the end of the day if all the orders were picked up. They would look to see where that other $13 went and see that it was a transaction you did, and then they could write you up or fire you.”

(At this the cashier goes pale and turns super friendly.)

Cashier: “Well, mistakes happen, and you two are just really good people! Just really, really great people.”

(We slide our card and collect out order.)

Me: “Not everyone you meet in retail is a bowl of sunshine. You have a great day!”

Cashier: “Yeah.”

(A customer came in earlier and purchased some of our homemade potato salad. He now calls.)

Me: “[Deli], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, who am I speaking to?”

Me: “This is [My Name].”

Customer: “I was in there earlier, and I bought some of your potato salad.”

Me: *thinking: We JUST made that this morning; how is there a problem with it?* “Yes?”

Customer: “It is the best potato salad I have ever had! Whoever makes it there, make sure that they never change the recipe; it’s delicious!”

Me: *startled* “I… Thank you. [Coworker] makes the potato salad, so if you want I can transfer you to—”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I just wanted to let you know that it’s really good! Have a nice day, now.”

Me: “You, too. Thank you for calling!”

(The customers that call to compliment and not complain are few and far between, but they really brighten my day!)