(A customer walks into the deli and requests that I cut her five pounds of turkey. I show her the first slice and proceed to cut it as she walks away. About twenty minutes pass until she returns.)

Me: “Here is your turkey! Anything else I can get for you?”

Customer: *analyzes each bag* “These slices are varying thickness. Why didn’t you keep it all the same?”

Me: “Well, the slicers rely on the weight off the meat, and since you got five pounds I had to open a new one. Also, the slicers are required to run on automatic, which makes the thickness vary slightly, as well.”

Customer: *long sigh*

Me: “If you are angry, I would be more than happy to re-slice it for you.”

Customer: “I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed.”

(I was rendered speechless as she walked away. I have never felt as bad as I did then at my job since.)

(I work in a small deli. One particularly busy Saturday, I am running the front of the store by myself, trying to keep up with the rush, while my coworker is busy baking our bread product in the back. About ten people all arrive at the same time, approximately half of whom order sandwiches that take the longest to make. I rush through everything, but I’m sure they still wait in line for close to ten minutes, plus another ten for their food. A customer and her husband both order breakfast sandwiches. I take their food out to them with a smile and while I am there, the wife — who, I happen to notice, is on a website putting up a review — asks me if I am a manager. I am not, I answer, but I tell them my manager’s name and when she’ll be in next. Fast forward a couple days later. I go into work, where my manager ambushes me as soon as I come in the door to tell me about this phone call she got yesterday, on my day off, from the very same customer:)

Customer: “Is this the manager?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Customer: “I want to make a complaint.”

Manager: “Okay.”

Customer: “I was in on Saturday, and it looked like you only had one employee here, and we had to wait for a long time!”

Manager: “So?”

Customer: *huffing* “Well, that’s just ridiculous! We had to wait in line, and then we had to wait for our food!”

Manager: “Was it busy?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but—”

Manager: “And what was my employee doing while it was busy? Was she outside having a smoke?”

Customer: “Well, no, she was helping other people, and making food.”

Manager: “So, what are you complaining about, then?”

Customer: “Well, I had to wait!”

Manager: “And?”

Customer: “You need to hire more people!”

Manager: “Maybe. But we’d rather have ten good ones than twenty mediocre ones. Was your food good?”

Customer: “Yes, but—”

Manager: “So, you have nothing to complain about. The food was good, and you got good service; you just had to wait. This isn’t a fast food place. If you want fast food, there’s a burger place down the street. Next time, go there, so you won’t have to worry about waiting. Now quit wasting my time. I have work to do.”

(And then she hung up. I only wish I’d been there to see it.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but you’re out of cooked pizzas out front. Are you making any more today?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! As a matter of fact, if you look behind me here, you’ll see that my coworker is slicing some fresh pizzas right now!”

(I point right at my coworker standing right next to a tall rack of pizzas. The customer goes wide-eyed.)

Customer: “So, you’re not making any more?!”

(I am working in the deli of a grocery store.)

Me: “How are you? Can I interest you in some of our [popular ham] that’s on sale?”

Customer: “No, I need one-fourth of a pound of [other ham].”

Me: “Of course!”

(I slice a piece of the ham he asked for and ask him if the slice is okay and if he would like a sample slice.)

Me: “Okay, and you said a quarter pound, right?”

Customer: “No! I said one-fourth! You people do this every time! First, you try to sell me some s*** I don’t need, and then you try to trick me into buying more than I need! I said one-fourth of a pound!”

(I continue to slice his meat and let him rant. I finish slicing, hand him his meat, and wish him a great day. A few moments later, he returns and puts the ham back on the counter.)

Customer: “I thought a fourth would be enough, but it doesn’t look like it. I guess you’re not as bad as I thought. I’ll take the quarter, instead.”

Me: “Okay.”

This story is part of our Pi Day Math roundup!

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(I’m working in the deli at a popular grocery store when a customer comes up to me:)

Customer: “How long will it be until some fresh rotisserie chickens come out?”

Me: “About fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “But the timer says eight.”

Me: “Yes, but I still have to get the chicken out, label them, and bag them up. It may not take fifteen minutes exactly, but it will be close.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you had a machine for that.”