Soft Drinks Can Bubble Up Hard Feelings

| Portland, OR, USA | Working | June 24, 2012

(My friends and I have come down from Canada to do some surfing in Oregon. We have stopped by a deli for some lunch.)

Employee: “Anything else for you today?”

Me: “Yeah, do you have any pop?”

Employee: “It’s soda!”

Me: “Yeah, do you have it?”

Employee: “No, we don’t carry soda. Just water, juice, and tea.”

Me: “What? No pop? Seriously?”

Employee: “SODA!”

Me: “Wow, Americans are pretty serious about their terminology!”

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, she’s a New Yorker.”

Me: “Oh. What is it normally called in Oregon?”

Manager: “Pop.”

Employee: “IT’S SODA!”

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Half A Half A Brain

| British Columbia, Canada | Working | May 10, 2012

(My manager is adding in the nutritional information for macaroni and cheese into the scale printer.)

Manager: “Wow, I didn’t know that there was so much salt in this mac and cheese! In a medium sized container, there is 50% of your daily sodium.”

Coworker: “What? HALF that container is salt?!”

Manager: “No. I mean a medium sized container of mac and cheese has 50% of your daily salt intake.”

Coworker: “So…half of that mac and cheese is salt?”

Manager: “No, I mean that there is a lot of salt in this mac and cheese. If one was to eat a medium sized container, they would have 50% of their salt.”

Coworker: “Oh, I get it. Half of that is salt!”

Wishful Inching

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Right | October 12, 2011

(A customer and her husband are ordering our store-made bologna, which is an elongated, flesh-coloured shape.)

Customer: “I don’t want it sliced. Just cut me a piece about 1 inch long.”

Husband: “So, about this much.” *holds up two fingers about 4 inches apart*

(The wife and I both grin.)

Customer: “That isn’t one inch!”

Me: “Well, we all know how men like to exaggerate about the size of their meat.”

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Half Cooked For The Half Minded

| Sydney, Australia | Right | September 12, 2011

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like half a chicken please.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we seem to be out. The next load should be ready in about 15-20 minutes.”

Customer: “But I just want a half, not a whole one!”

Me: “I’m sorry about the wait. As soon as they finish cooking, I will cut you one straight away.”

Customer: “But I just want a half! Can’t you just get one out of the oven now and cut it for me?”

Me: “Um, no. If I took one out early and cut it, it wouldn’t be cooked in the middle.”

Customer: “But I only want a half chicken! It should take less time to cook than a whole one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to wait for them to finish. I promise I will cut you one straight away.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult for me to buy half a chicken!” *storms off*

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Getting Pork(ed)

| Massachusetts, USA | Right | September 3, 2011

Customer: “I would like a pound of vagina ham.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “A pound of vagina ham, please!”

Me: “Don’t you mean Virginia ham?”

Customer: “Virginia ham, vagina ham, whatever! Just give me a pound of it.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, slice it real nice.”

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