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This Jerk Is Really Hamming It Up

, , , | Right | CREDIT: MmmBathSalts | February 28, 2022

I’m having a normal day slicing meats in the deli, and an older gentleman walks up.

Me: “Hi, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like a half-pound of ham.”

We have about twenty-plus different hams.

Me: “What kind of ham would you like?”

Customer: “Just some ham.”

Me: “Are you looking for a sweet, smoky, or plain ham?”

Customer: “I just want some ham.”

Me: “We have [list of a bunch of different types we have] ham. What would you like?”

Customer: “I said I wanted ham.”

I had some ham on the slicer I was just going to slice.

Me: “How would you like that sliced?”

Customer: *Very angrily* “I’m going to get you fired! I know people in corporate.”

Me: “Okay, sir, have a great day.”

He went up to the front desk to complain about me.

Customer: “[My Name] refused to help me and hates veterans. I want them fired!”

My manager knew he was full of bulls***.

Manager: “I’m not going to do that, sir.”

Customer: “Fine. I will talk to corporate to get you fired, too.”

The manager and I had a good laugh about it.

Expect A Storm Of Complaints

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2022

I work in the seafood counter of a grocery store. A big hurricane is coming.

Customer: “Do you have any more Alaskan salmon?”

Me: “I’ve got an entire pan here.”

Customer: “Any more? I don’t like the looks of these.”

Me: “That’s everything I’ve got. We’ve been pretty busy today.”

Customer: “But there’s a hurricane coming! This is absurd!”

When It Comes To Pricing, Their Values Shrimp Away

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2022

I work at the seafood counter.

Customer: “This is crap! Look at this! This is disgraceful!”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Look at all this farm-raised shrimp! Imported from Asia! This company should be ashamed of itself. What about wild-caught local shrimp? This is disgusting!”

Even though the farm-raised shrimp is from further away, it is cheaper at $6.99 a pound.

Me: “I have wild-caught shrimp right here. It’s wild-caught from Georgia. I know it’s not too local, but this is fresh and wild-caught.”

Customer: *After a few seconds* “I’ll take a pound of the $6.99 shrimp.”

Your Patience Must Be Stretched Very Thin

, , , | Right | January 17, 2022

I worked in a deli. This lady came in every couple of weeks for “about $20 worth of very thinly sliced Prosciutto” — her exact words — and she wanted a plastic deli sheet between each paper-thin slice of meat. It took a couple of minutes to do when most customers could be helped in under a minute.

We would prepare it for her while she stared daggers at us. We’d nicely bag it for her, and multiple times in front of the counter (while other customers were waiting) she’d open the bag and check to make sure we didn’t put two slices between a plastic sheet instead of one.

Once she was satisfied, she’d walk away. No thank-you, no acknowledgment of the time it took, and no apologies to the customers waiting while she blocked the counter. She was so rude.

One time, someone “sliced her meat too thick” (after she approved the slice) and she made him do it all over again.

We Have A Sign; It’s Called A Map

, , | Right | December 15, 2021

We are on the east coast of the USA.

Customer: “Is this wreckfish east coast or west coast wreckfish?”

I gesture to the sign that says, “Local Item”.

Me: “It’s local! We just got it in.”

Customer: “Sooo… it’s…”

Me: “It’s east coast wreckfish.”

Customer: “You really should put that on the sign. Might sell some more.”