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This Stuff Is Seriously Addictive

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Hey, can I get a pound of crack house ham?”

Me: “Sorry… what was that, sir?”

Customer: *points* “The crack house ham, right here.”

Me: “Sir, do you mean Krakus?”

Customer: “Yeah, that one.”

(Not sure how I kept a straight face through that one.)

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Brain-Fried

| Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The office building where I work has a deli in the basement. I’m standing in line behind a coworker. It is my coworker’s turn to order.)

Deli Attendant: “May I help you?”

Coworker: “Yes. Is there chicken in the chicken fried rice?”

Deli Attendant: “…”

Me: *to coworker* “Seriously?”

Coworker: “Yeah, that’s not what I meant to say. I don’t know what I wanted to ask.”

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Talking Turkey About Your Earnings

, | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

(A customer comes up to the deli counter, dressed in relatively nice clothing, and asks me for a recommendation on turkey. I have sampled most of the turkey in the case and can typically give honest recommendations.)

Me: “Well, I personally like [Brand] turkey — it’s got a pretty standard flavor, but it’s good, and [Brand] has a lot of options if you like spicier turkeys.

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s $11.00 per pound…”

Me: “True. If you’re looking for cheaper turkeys, [Store Brand] turkeyisn’t visible in the case right now, but we do have it, and there’s also—”

Customer: “I mean, I make incredible money, but I can’t justify spending $11 on a pound of turkey.”

(He looks around for a moment like he’s going to say something else, but doesn’t and storms off.)

Me: *turns to coworker* “What an odd thing to say.”

Coworker: “Yeah, that was weird.”

Me: “Well, I DON’T make ‘incredible money,’ but I’m gonna buy myself some of that turkey and live my best life.”

(My coworker laughed, and I sliced some and bought it before I went home that day. The resulting sandwich was, of course, very tasty.)