(I am close to the end of my shift in the middle of August. A woman comes up and slams some lunch meat and a receipt on the counter.)

Customer: “This meat has gone bad; I demand a refund.”

(I glance at the receipt and see that it was purchased at nine am, well over six hours ago, and I recognize it as a log I freshly cut this morning. I also notice the seal sticker that we use to close the bags has been undisturbed.)

Me: “This package seems fine. What makes you think it’s gone bad?”

(As I speak, I pulled the package closer to me for a better look.)

Me: “Oh, it’s hot!”

Customer: “Yes! It’s been in my trunk while I was at work.”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot refund this. It was fine when it left the store.”

Customer: “So, you don’t stand behind your product?”

(At our deli, we have to change gloves whenever we switch from handling a meat to handling a cheese and vice versa. As such, we go through fewer gloves and move the line quicker if we slice as much of one product as we can before switching, so I’ll often gently try to guide the customer into ordering based on what I handled last. This exact interaction happens several times daily.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for your patience! Are you ordering any cheese today?”

Customer: “Half a pound of honey ham.”

(I change gloves and slice their ham.)

Me: “Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “A quarter-pound of American cheese.”

(I work in a grocery store deli. Our wing bar is self-serve. A female customer has been standing in front of it for several minutes as I help someone else at the counter. I assume she is trying to decide which flavor she wants, but when I move to help the next person at the counter, the woman at the wing bar freaks out.)

Customer: “Ex-cuse me! I was next!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were getting wings.”

Customer: “I am getting wings!”

Me: “The wings are self-serve, ma’am.”

Customer: “You mean I’m supposed to get them myself?!”

Me: “Ah, yes.”

(She glares at me like she wants to wring my neck as she roughly piles several wings into a plastic tray. I hand the customer at the counter a slice of ham to sample, but the woman buying wings walks over and uses the tray to push my hand away.)

Customer: “Weigh it.”

Me: *obviously frustrated* “We don’t weigh the wings here, ma’am.”

Customer: “What the h*** do you mean, you don’t weigh them here?!”

Me: “You just take them to the checkout.”

Customer: “Take them to the checkout?! How are those people supposed to know how much this is?!”

Me: “They have scales built into the barcode reader.”

Customer: *dramatically bringing a hand to her face and waving it around* “So, you’re telling me that you don’t serve me the wings and you don’t price them, either?! You don’t do any part of the entire process?!”

Me: “Yes.”

(She pulls the top off the tray, which she had sealed, and slams it down as hard as she can onto the counter, sending wings flying everywhere.)

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(She stomps out of the store screaming about “f****** rude a**holes.”)

Me: “I love my job.”

This story is part of our I Love My Job roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

14 Times Awesome Customers Proved That They Do Exist!

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(A customer approaches our self-serve wing bar and points to an ad in our ad flyer that says that “crispy glazed wings” are on sale.)

Customer: “Which flavor is this?”

Me: “It’s all of them, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, but which one is this?”

Me: “It means every flavor is on sale, sir.”

Customer: *tapping the ad very hard with his finger* “But which one is THIS?!”

Me: “Crispy glazed wings?”

Customer: “Yeah! THIS!”

Me: “‘Crispy glazed wings’ does not refer to any particular flavor. It means every single flavor we have is on sale.”

Customer: “WHICH ONE IS IT?!”

Me: “All of them!”

Customer: *tosses the flyer on the ground and stomps away* “F****** a**hole!”

(I work at a regional chain store near an attractions district, so tourists are always comparing us — usually negatively — to a better-known nationwide chain I’ll call “Brand X.”)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like a pound of [Brand X] turkey, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t carry that.”

Customer: “You don’t carry it?! Well, what do you have?!”

Me: “[Premium Brand], [Store Brand], and [Bargain Brand].”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of any of that stuff. I only buy [Brand X].”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we don’t carry [Brand X]. We have [Store Brand].”

Customer: “What the h*** is [Store Brand]?!”

Me: “That’s the store we’re in right now, ma’am.”

Customer: “This isn’t a [Brand X] store?”

Me: “No, it isn’t.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see why you can’t carry [Brand X] turkey, anyway!”

Me: “Because [Brand X] is an entirely separate store from us, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, you’re not a grocery store?! There’s not meats and cheeses and wine and paper towels and stuff here?! Because it sure looks like it to me!”

Me: *screaming inside* “Yes, this is a grocery store. But it’s [My Store], not [Brand X].”

Customer: “Well, I still don’t understand why you can’t carry [Brand X]!”

Me: “Because we’re not affiliated with them.”

Customer: “But people like [Brand X]!”

Me: “Yes, I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re not affiliated with [Brand X].”

Customer: “But I want [Brand X]!”

Me: “There’s a [Brand X] store about five miles east of here.”

Customer: “I don’t want to have to drive all that way! Why can’t you give it to me?!”

Me: “Because we’re [My Store], not [Brand X].”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why you can’t give me [Brand X]!”

(I clap my hands together very loudly in frustration. The customer doesn’t seem to notice.)

Me: “Ma’am, basically what you’re asking is like if you went to [Burger Joint #1] and asked for a [Burger exclusive to Burger Joint #2]. One company can’t sell products owned and trademarked by another company just like that. If we wanted to sell [Brand X], we’d either have to let them buy our company, or we’d have to pay a huge amount of money to be able to sell their stuff here. That’s if they even let us, which they probably wouldn’t, because we’re their competitors.”

Customer: “Well… I still don’t understand why you can’t carry [Brand X]!”

Me: “I just told you why.”

Customer: “But people like [Brand X]!”

Me: “WE DON’T HAVE [BRAND X]!”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY! YOU’RE SO G**D*** RUDE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”

(She storms away to complain to the front desk.)

Manager: “And around and around we go.”

Me: “I’m not sure whether she was actually stupid enough that she couldn’t understand that [My Store] and [Brand X] are two completely separate things, or if she thought pretending to be that stupid would somehow manifest [Brand X] products out of the f****** ether.”

Manager: “Either way, she failed. Now she’s the front desk’s problem.”

Me: “They can have her. I’ve done my time.”